Help....

[whispywhisp]

I don't know whether or not I have got depression. I have never been to a Dr etc.

I am always snappy. I find it hard to get through a day without shouting at DH or the kids. I know I'm not the nicest person to live with at the moment and I've been like this for months.

I lost my Dad suddenly 2.5yrs ago. Since then my life seems pointless. I was very close to my lovely Dad. There's been many a time I could have craved a shoulder....

I have two lovely daughters whom I adore. I have a husband who I have been married to for 14yrs. I do love him but not in the same way I used to, iyswim. He tolerates the way I am but thats about it. He doesn't know what to say to me anymore. We just seem to plod along with life.

We are permanently skint. DH has a very good job but with a mortgage etc etc we live very much borderline. I work from home - but I hope to go back to a 'normal' job when dd2 starts school in September although finding a job that will allow for school hols/inset days etc will be hard to find.

I have no family help with the kids at all. DH has nothing to do with his parents (long story) and my family are too busy doing their own thing.

I feel so lonely sometimes. I feel like shutting myself away. I love to read and could read all day if I could. I see it is a form of escapism. Get into a good book and forget about our worries.

I am on the pill - have been since dd2 was born - I wonder if that is causing me to be so miserable? I don't know.

I am overweight - have been for years - I am always trying to lose it - I lose some then put it back on. I know my weight plays a major part in how I feel. Vicious circle because I eat when I feel miserable.

Does anyone know of anything herbal I could take to help pick me up? I don't want to go to the Drs. Thanks.

where do you live madhouse, i will move there - i have had six NHS sessions of counselling and was told that CBT is virtually unavailable on the NHS in this area.

I live in N Yorkshire. What I would say is that I really was on a knife edge and it was either this or in-patient care. Also I was pregnant again at the time (had a m/c at 13 weeks), so they felt that it was imporatant that I jumped the que.

Sorry to hear you was in such a bad way. Im glad you are on the mend?

Oh dont be sorry - I have come to reliase that I have an illness and that I needed treatment which I received.

It is so hard to be in that really black place and not know what to do to get out.

Whispy - How are you this morning?

also wondering if whispy is alright

Hi all.

I'm ok. Thank you.

Only just got up actually and had a shower etc. Kids are sat downstairs. DH has gone to work. Must get on and tidy up. DH said to me last night why not go out and treat yourself to something new? Retail therapy? Being as skint as we are I thought this was a bit of a stupid suggestion. I then snapped back and asked was that all he could come up with? I knew as I snapped back it was the wrong thing to do but this is half my problem....I yell and shout at him and in the back of my mind I know its wrong of me to be like this with him. Its as if its PMT? I wouldn't blame him if he left me actually. I know he won't. But if he did I could see why after the way I've treated him for the last couple of years. Dad's passing was a real turning point for me....and not a good one - initially I felt if I couldn't have Dad I didn't want anyone and whilst I've fought that feeling for some time afterwards it still lingers.

Maybe I need to look at changing the Pill I'm on. I don't know. I went for a walk on my own last night, with the dog, it was nice just to clear my head. It started to rain but we kept on walking. Got home, had a bath and went to bed leaving DH to put the kids to bed.

It's such a weird sensation...I crave TLC, attention etc from DH...he offers it and I push it away.

Whispy it is a classic greif sympton - it is often that we are scared to love as we know how much it hurts to lose someone we love.

I pushed DH away, told him to leave and tried my best to get him to walk out subconsiously. But he didnt.

I think that you need more than a change of pill

Have just felt a 'dip' coming.....would normally head towards the biscuits...now eating an apple....self control here I come! If I can get some weight off I know I will feel better. I've done it before. I can do it again. I just need to find that will-power from somewhere.

hi

whispy
am the same have got completely hooked on hot chocs!

You were brave to post what you did
I would say simply try to be honest with your dh, men do see things from somewhere very different though

Hi Cinders and madhouse and thank you.xxx

I've just blitzed the house and feel better for that too. I've just found a cross stitch I started before Dad died - it is too pretty not to finish so that will be my aim for this afternoon...atleast make a start on it again - probably won't get much done with the kids at home. My 4yr old is especially hard work at the moment. Wants everything doing straight away whereas my elder one (9) is much more easy going.

I think I've just got myself in this huge rut and its down to me to get out of it which I have to for the sake of my marriage and my children. I need to find some energy from somewhere - revise my diet, drink more water, feel better in myself, find some get up and go from somewhere. I'm only 40yrs old. I feel double that sometimes - mentally and physically. I hardly look in a mirror anymore because I don't like what I see. I wish DH would just say to me sometimes what a great job I'm doing being a SAHM or give me some credit for something that I do...maybe he does? Maybe all I hear is the criticism?

Whispy good on you, I can not even manage much of a sit down with my two (3.1 and 22 months). I think that maybe the sunshine will help

I have been trying to do a bit more sketching

whispy anything that has a finished result is good

trouble is I am quite good at baking cakes
and they never stay around for long

madhouse you do kept on your toes with your two

well need to do boring stuff
take care
x

excuse my really bad typing

hi whispy - hope today got better, i used to do cross stitch. Think i might just throw mine out the window just now, i have zero patience. But what i was wanting to say was this: I took DD swimming today, it would have been nice but she kept pulling my top down and my boobies came out more than once . She managed to let go in the end, it was fun. But i actually noticed on the notice board that they do reffered exercise schemes, for medical conditions. I am going to go to the doctor and ask to be reffered based on my depression - could never afford gym membership or even one off sessions atm so im hoping i can get this on the NHS - i know a friend got something like this, she just got it because she was trying to diet (shes not as big as me) and she was working full time. So im hopefull. Maybe you could look into this? I used to go to the gym in the morning before i started work, it was great, i would plan my day in my head and either switch off or sort my feelings out - cant be a bad idea to start this again. Fingers crossed.

Hi Lucy. x

Yesterday was ok. Still seemed to snap at DH. Mind you I'm not going to blame myself entirely on that because he does have a way about him that seems to rile me.

Already I can feel my new diet is working which in turn is making me slightly happier. I think, if I'm honest, my weight plays a huge part in my unhappiness. I was a very slim size 10-12 when I first met DH having lost 9 stone just beforehand. I come from a family that are large - both my brother and sister tip the scales at over 20stone each at the moment and have done for years. I'm not as big as them and due to the amount of walking I do (6miles a day with school runs) I am fairly fit. But I have a wardrobe of clothes I can't get into and since having dd2 (4yrs ago) I've not been able to shift the extra weight I put on. A lot of it, I think, is my age (40), being on the pill but also eating in between meals, which I've now cut out. I was going through our wedding photos (14yrs ago) and my youngest dd asked who that was stood next to Daddy! That was a real turning point for me - it upset me so much I just knew I had to do something!

Anyway today I'm off to do a shop, which will get me out, otherwise I'd sit at home all day. My kids are busy eating cereal and both have got themselves up, dressed, washed which is pretty good even for a half-term!

DD1 is going swimming with DH this weekend. She's a fairly good swimmer but has to be careful because she has grommets so DH is going to take her. There is no way I will go near a swimming pool until I'm happier with my size....a long way to go yet but perhaps something I can work towards?

Lucy - what is your cross stitch of? Send it my way and I'll finish it for you. xxxxxx

Please keep in touch. I need this contact. It's great to off-load and its something I really do need to do at the moment because DH is bored with me rambling on and tbh I've no one else I'd feel happy talking to. xx

blimey, if i find it, its yours . One of my issues is the state of my house!!! I too was much much slimmer when i met DP 15 years ago - i was a size 10. Now size 20. Interestingly, after the birth of DD i was very ill and i went back to a size 12, i HATED my saggy breasts, and due to all the problems DP and i had we hardly ever had sex - i feel much sexier now, but i think that was because i lost weight due to illness instead of a positive thing, which requires me to exercise more.

I do think we have to remember that whilst our partners need a bit of compensation for the facts that we have an illness (or however you want to look at it) they cannot and should not be excused from behaving "badly". I do recognise that alot of my stress comes from his actions (or inactions).

Maybe i should join you on your diet, i dont do proper diets i find them too restrictive, but to cut out food between meals wouldnt be too difficult (would it?). I do have a problem denying myeslf because when i had gallstones i couldnt eat hardly at all so when that was sorted i sort of went on a giant binge. Nothing like being in agony every time you eat for the weight to drop off - that and breast feeding - oh what fun i had I know what you mean about the photos, i have photos of me at about 18 (sexy ones for DPs eyes only ) I am so proud of them, but i agree, its like a different person. A friend of mine did exactly what your DS did, she couldnt believe a picture of me about ten years ago was me - i feel and look old and knackered now. Its got to stop. Im going to go to the docs to ask about the exercise refferal.

Do keep posting, having someone to chat too is always helpful and it keeps me sane

Hiya Lucy xxxx

You can join me on my diet if you want! It's nothing too restrictive - I don't believe in counting calories or weighing things...I simply cut out what I know to be bad for me and have three meals a day. It is hard being at home most of the time being surrounded by food so I just put the fruit bowl in the most prominent place stacked with loads of fresh fruit and I always keep some celery sticks in the fridge or a bag of grapes out on the worktop. That way its there, within grasp, rather than the biscuits or crisps.

It was very upsetting to be asked by dd2 who that was stood next to Daddy on the photos. I did look very different in those days - not only size but hair etc. I, too, am permanently knackered. I ache when I get up in the mornings - I spent the afternoon gardening yesterday and could barely get out of bed this morning but the time in the garden with the kids did me good yesterday and I was pleased with what I managed to get done.

I wish my relationship would improve with DH. Sometimes I crave a cuddle and he's very good with cuddles but other times I push him away. Poor bloke. He never knows what I'm going to be like from one day to the next. He has just rung actually and we chatted ok. He could ring tomorrow and all I seem to do is moan at him. I envy him actually - being able to go out to work every day - with me being stuck at home. He has said many times he would give up his job so I could go to work and he stay at home but I know, as does he, that I could never earn what he earns. We've just had our electricity and gas bills in - OMG - I've just rung them and told them we can't have our direct debits put up to what they've suggested - we simply can't afford the extra each month so they've agreed to leave as they were providing I cut out using the tumble drier every day. Another challenge.......xxxxxxxxxxx

they are really insisting you don't use the tumble dryer??? . Actually, ours broke before xmas and we couldnt afford to replace it, i dont miss it (very much). Are you getting all the tax credits etc you are entitled too, even if DH is working you still might be entitled to something. How old are your DCs? You might qualify for help with childcare if you go back part time or something. Have you read your meter yourself? make sure they are not overcharging you?? we had a £700 gas bill once, i nearly died on the spot - AND they said they had read the meter - blatant LIE, i think the bill was about £250. You can get card meters but

Great to hear about the gardening, you are putting me to shame . I am trying to grow our own veg this year, im sort of being a bit half hearted about it, but i have at least planted stuff, see how it goes.

My DP would love for me to go to work and be a SAHD, but even though i can actually earn more than him, i am no wheres near ready to go back to work - i have quite a lot of guilt about this but i know i wouldnt be able to cope. Plus DD is starting school next year so i just want that last year at home with her.

Been very bad about the diet today but i was starrrrrrving after i came out of hospital appointment and had a mars bar [no willpower under stress]

Hope y ou have a good day tomorrow

No they didn't suggest we stop using the tumble drier but I use it most days even if the weather is really good and I've got a perfectly good washing line so I must hang it out more and cut back. We had our meters read last week but I will check them anyway.

Yea we've done all the tax credits stuff. DH earns too much on paper but after the tax man has had his share and we've paid the mortgage etc etc we have very little left over. I would love to go back to work but with DD2 due to start school in September I'm pretty stuck until then. Even then she doesn't go full-time until November...and even then I've got to find a job that'll allow for school hols, training days etc.

We grew our own veg once. We did quite well especially with carrots and they were delicious. It's a lot of hard work tho. I grow my own bedding plants - I've got petunias, busy lizzies and fuschias growing at the moment. Kids are growing sun flowers and I'm just about to plant some Lupins that I've grown. I do love my gardening but again its finding the time. My dog loves the garden too and will often help by digging holes and burying her bones, kids toys, my keys etc.

My diet has gone ok today. Just had a lovely tea full of fresh veg. There were a couple of moments when I could've killed a biscuit or some choccie but I resorted to a satsuma and banana instead and a mug of hot choc. My worst time of day is around 9pm....I get really peckish then.

Right better get on. DH due home soon and I want to get out with the dog whilst the sun is still out and its warm.

I do feel much better having you around Lucy to chat too....and everyone else who has replied to my OP. I can't thank you enough. xxxx

I really like lupins, although ive been reluctant to plant them because ive been told they are poisonous, but its not like DD is going to eat them - i might go and get some at hte weekend.

Do check the meters, when we complained about the incorrect meter reading they said that they had have lots of problems because they contract out the meter reading and the readers were basically reporting that they had read a meter and sucked the number out of their thumbs .

My Dog has been in the dog house this week - he has eaten my blueberry bush and my raspberry (hdant even planted them yet ) and dug up my salad seeds - little git

Hey Whispy,

I am so glad you have posted here. I can see you have been getting some good sound advice from the girls.

Whispy, this is the first step, well done, its not easy putting your feelings into words (however you are always so eloquent and put me to shame)

I am sorry I have not been around much but you know you can always make contact if you need to.

Keep up talking about it, it does help to hear other people say you will be ok and to confirm there is help to be had, whatever avenue you choose to take we will be behind you all the way.

I didn't know Lupins were dangerous to dogs...I'd better make sure I plant them out of my mutt's reach because she eats just about anything that moves in my garden. She was chasing a bee this afternoon. Stupid animal. Good job she's insured.

I'm doing ok. Had a nice long walk this evening. The dog barked at a motorbike and almost knocked the rider off. She then barked at another motorbike...which was stationery parked outside someone's house. She really is loopy but I do love her. Having recently lost my lovely old labrador I do cherish the dog I have left....my 10month old JRTxStaffie.

When I was gardening yesterday she spent the whole afternoon sat next to me. Every time I moved she got up and moved with me. She was by my side the whole time. She is such an affectionate loyal little girl.

Anyway early night for me. I am tired and the kids are just going to bed. Got to get them back into an early night routine ready for school next week.

Lucy...if you find that cross stitch let me know and I'll email you my address and you can send it over and I'll finish it for you! xxxxx

Whispy - I have one you can finnish and also some unstarted you cvan have. I will get your address off Coco if that is OK and send you the new ones once I dig them out of the cuboard.

I know that the light makes a big differnce to me. I am also a big girl (size 22 top and 18 bottom), but I am going to have a profalatic double mastectomy and reconstruction (seeing the pastics team in a month) and hopefully will massivly reduce my 38G breasts.

Itry to get out with the boys everyday, but the wet weather is pants, espeically as DS2 just refused to go in his buggy today and kept laying in the puddles instead of jumping.

I am going to use the line too and give up the tumble in honour of whispy.

Lucy - we are growing spuds, peas and carrots this year in barrels, we did lastyear and theu were fab, also strawbs in hanging baskets and chillis in pots.

We have loads of herbs in pots as I prefer them to flowers. I am strange and really like green and the only flowers , but we are working on the garden, as it was a new house it was just a b uilding site really.

Anyway enough twaddle from me.

Morning Whispy, how are you ?

Sorry I'm here one minute and gone the next, this darned computer is such a pain.

That dog of yours sounds so lovely and loyal, how sweet. Have not got a clue about the lupins tho as am the most un-green fingered person that ever existed I'm afraid.

With regards to the walking i think its a really good idea. I did the moonwalk the previous 3 years and I really enjoyed the training for it. It gives you some time for you, thinking time and that is a rare and treasured thing with the busy life you lead.

Get everything back crossed today........ the saga continues !!

Could somene please elaborate on the fly thing ??

Any help with getting motivated for the housework would be very much appreciated