Help....

[whispywhisp]

I don't know whether or not I have got depression. I have never been to a Dr etc.

I am always snappy. I find it hard to get through a day without shouting at DH or the kids. I know I'm not the nicest person to live with at the moment and I've been like this for months.

I lost my Dad suddenly 2.5yrs ago. Since then my life seems pointless. I was very close to my lovely Dad. There's been many a time I could have craved a shoulder....

I have two lovely daughters whom I adore. I have a husband who I have been married to for 14yrs. I do love him but not in the same way I used to, iyswim. He tolerates the way I am but thats about it. He doesn't know what to say to me anymore. We just seem to plod along with life.

We are permanently skint. DH has a very good job but with a mortgage etc etc we live very much borderline. I work from home - but I hope to go back to a 'normal' job when dd2 starts school in September although finding a job that will allow for school hols/inset days etc will be hard to find.

I have no family help with the kids at all. DH has nothing to do with his parents (long story) and my family are too busy doing their own thing.

I feel so lonely sometimes. I feel like shutting myself away. I love to read and could read all day if I could. I see it is a form of escapism. Get into a good book and forget about our worries.

I am on the pill - have been since dd2 was born - I wonder if that is causing me to be so miserable? I don't know.

I am overweight - have been for years - I am always trying to lose it - I lose some then put it back on. I know my weight plays a major part in how I feel. Vicious circle because I eat when I feel miserable.

Does anyone know of anything herbal I could take to help pick me up? I don't want to go to the Drs. Thanks.

Hi all.

Madhouse...of course that's ok for Coco to give you my address. Please tell her that's fine with me.

I used to love growing my own veg. It was so satisfying to go out and pick the veg for tea. I've not had the time to do any veg growing other than gro-bags with tomato plants. Gardening was a great past-time of mine pre-kids. I've got quite a large garden here but I've split it into two - the top half for the kids and their trampoline, slide, swing etc and the bottom half for me. It would be pointless planting stuff all the way up to be knocked with footballs etc.

Yes my lovely little dog is gorgeous, most of the time but she does have some awful habits. Being so young though we hope she'll grow out of them. I hope to get her spayed in June...I was waiting for her to have her first season - which she did but turned out to be a phantom pregnancy so the vet has said leave her for 3 months and we'll operate then. Fortunately the operation is already paid for - because she's a rescue dog and the rescue centre agreed to cover her spay.

I'm lucky - madhouse - my kids will go out whatever the weather. Before we had the kids DH and I would walk miles, following maps and routes, with our dog (at the time) and spend most Sundays walking and climbing. Only now are we beginning to go for long family walks - dd2 is only 4yrs and she's too heavy to carry and buggy days are long gone.

Oh well...time to get some housework done. DH has gone early today. Doubt we'll do much today. Very cold outside. DD1 cracked a rib earlier in the week so she's not up to much either. DD2 is still in bed and asleep - she had a late night last night. She had a bowl of strawberries and I'm sure they make her hypo.

Hope everyone has a lovely day. Good luck with the house Vag. Thanks to you and everyone who is keeping in touch. I do appreciate it. xxxxxxxx Lucy - hope you're ok. xxxxx

Special vegetable request for Whispy..............

Runner beans please !! Bloody love them.

FLY is a housework system. The house is split into zones and you work on a zone a week. There is a daily mission. The ethos is 15 minute chunks.

You develop a morning and evening routine which can be really basic to keep the house ticking over

Read more here

I never subscribes to the site, as you get loads of e-mails, but just use the thread on here. It is great really keeps me sane and even DH following the morning routine at a weekend. We use the thrad to chat, post what we want to do and wehat we have done. DO join us anytime. We are not a quiche

Oh and Whispy - they would go out in any wather, it just that I need a waterproof suit for DS2 now that he thinks the buggy is the devils work (22 months).

DS1 loves puddle jumping and walking and we have a backpack for DS2, but my back is not right at the mo - so it is something we do as a family.

We have some nice walks near were we live - out in the sticks

Whispy, i am convinced that you are me! We used to love walking especially with our old dog - im too scared to climb though. DD2 is only 2.5 and makes valiant efforts but really we can't walk very far just now which is sad really. I have a JRT (told it was patterdale, um, yeah right!) x Border terrier - he is my little star, i never liked JRTs until i worked in the vets, then i saw that they just have great little characters, despite the odd snappy little bugger of course. I adore staffies, they are mentalists.

I'm having a shitty day today, but i guess we all have them, have to give me a kick up the arse i think

VS - you have reminded me that i need to get these planted

Hi Lucy....I went to a local dog rescue place last Summer to get a little dog as company for my elderly labrador x. At the time my lab was a very fit and agile old lady. I looked around this centre and couldn't see anything suitable - either too big or couldn't go with other dogs or with children so I left my details and went to leave. The Manager came out and said to the girl at the desk what about 'Millie'? So I asked who Millie was and they said she is a little 10wk old JRTx although they didn't know what she was crossed with. So I went and took a look. Because she was so young she was kept out in the back kennels because had she been in the public bit everyone would've wanted her and they only wanted her to go to someone they felt happy with...ie me! I took one look and saw how beautiful her eyes were - they are lovely dark eyes. She was tiny. She had a badly docked tail (illegal at this point) and had been found abandoned in Bournemouth. She was so lively and just loved to have some company in this huge kennel enclosure she was in. Because she wasn't fully vaccinated we couldn't even stroke her - we had to look at her through this glass window. I told the staff I would put a reserve on her and we would visit again the following week. We were at this point allowed to stroke her but had to disinfect our shoes and put gloves on etc. She was such a bundle of joy. DH took to her straight away which surprised me because he's not fussed on little dogs. Anyway we brought her home about 3 weeks later. She took to our other dog immediately but unfortunately we lost our other dog in February this year so, you could say, Millie has been a bit of a life-line for me because having her has meant I've still had to go out and walk/exercise. I will try and put a photo on here so you can see how pretty she is.

She has so many lovely features about her. I do get fed up when people slate JRTs for their snappiness. Yes she'll bark at vans/motorbikes/kids on scooters etc but she is also the most affectionate and loving of dogs. A lot of how a dog is is due to its environment and training. Same applies to staffies. I've known a staffie who has been one of the loveliest softest dogs going yet they get slated for being vicious. Unfortunately this is due to staffies also being pets as status symbols for certain individuals and they fall into the wrong hands.

Sorry...me on my soap-box. Its what comes of working for the RSPCA for many years.

Anyone see Homes from Hell last night? In particular the house with 61 cats in it?

a similar thing happened with our last rotwieller. I had just lost my first dog (tiny his name was, which wasn't bad considering he weighed 60kg!) and i was distraught so we went up to battersea. Had the interrogation and then went to look around. I found a lovely staffie cross called Dave, i really liked him but he was a destroyer, so funny, tried to eat the table in the interview room - anyway, the lady didnt think he was suitable, but would we consider a rottie that they had at the other home. He wasn't on public display as he was a "rehab dog" - well, we finally got to meet him and OMG he was a little (big) bastard. Totally fruit loop, but did have some aggression issues (we didnt have DD then) - i was like, well.........um, hes lovely but....of course, ten minutes later i was in the centre shop buying him a new collar . We had him for nearly three years, and several bites later (thankfully he was only playing ) we had a lovely lovely dog. Sadly we lost him last year and thats when i got Bob the JRT that is more trouble than the rotties ever were - he eats everything in sight, but is happy for my DD to be chewing on the other side of his bone while he eats it too, so i'll forgive him pretty much anything. He is a little star.

I know exactly what you mean about dogs getting bad reputations, being a rottie lover i get so frustrated but it is totally due to bad ownership. Our dog was totally over the top and needed some firm handling, we dont know his history as he was a stray but we think that whoever had him, roughed him up as a puppy and then couldnt handle him at 8 stone!!

I have often thought about working for the RSPCA might be a thought for the future that, oh i need to learn to drive

I first started working for the RSPCA as a typist....10 years later I was working in the control centre taking the emergency calls and tasking them out to the Inspectors. I loved working there but gave it up because we moved house. Very stressful and saw some horrible sights but as a result I ended up bringing a lot of animals home...rabbits, guinea pigs etc. At one point I had about 6 rabbits and 6 guinea pigs, 3 cats and a dog. Loved them all. One by one they've all gone. Now have a 14yr old cat who acts like a kitten, a 4yr old cat, one loopy dog and 4 guinea pigs.

When we first got Millie we let her have the run of the downstairs - ie hallway, kitchen, lounge.....one particular day we were all sat down eating tea and dd1's chair kept rocking from side to side. I told her to sit still and eat her tea. She replied 'I am sitting still...it's Millie chewing my chair!'. From that point on Millie has to go to her bed when we're eating tea. She has an amazing 'jump' on her. She can be sat one minute and then she seems to sprout these four springs and jump to amazing heights, including the table, our laps etc. She seems to have got thru the chewing stage now and providing we keep her topped up with hide bones she's happy. Although I've learnt not to let her have a new bone in the garden because within seconds its disappeared...down some great crater she's dug which she'll then re-discover some days later, soaked through and yeucky which she proudly brings indoors for me to look at to which she expects me to say 'clever girl'...when in fact I tell her to take it back outside. Poor dog!

I've just added a photo of Millie - taken just a couple of weeks ago.

Oh, she is lovely, she looks a bit like my Bob but without the whiskers, he has longish hair, although i have tried to strip him and he looks daft.

Thanks for that whispy, im not having a good day today - so that has cheered me up xx

Oh Lucy...I hope you're ok? Sorry to hear you're not having a good day today. Would be better if the weather were better. It is so cold here. The wind is really bitter. I'm just off out to clean my four hutches out - Millie will come out with me and charge up and down the garden like a lunatic. How she misses the various obstacles I don't know. Then she'll have a root around the garden and bring me whatever she buried yesterday.

Lucy.....CAT me if you want - I have tried to CAT you but you're not set up to accept contact from other MNetters. xxx

i've never worked out how to do that .

I am feeling a bit better now, although i have achieved precisely nothing all day best pull my finger out of my behind before DP gets home.

Lucy....ok...but here's my email address if you want to contact me at [email protected]

xxxx

thanks for that whispy x

thanks for that whispy x

Hi all. Hope everyone ok. Lucy - are you ok? xxx

Hi there whispy, yes, thankyou, im fine. I have bad days, and they are BAD but thankfully they dont last and im getting more good than bad. How are YOU today - the weather is still shit isnt it

Hi Lucy. xxxx

Yes weather crap here today again. It was awful yesterday. DH has taken DD1 swimming - his new Sunday morning task....I told him he needs to do more one-to-one with her (she's 9) and they plan to go swimming every Sunday morning. I'm going to walk down with DD2 and meet them and then go for a coffee, which'll be nice. I expect he'll take the girls out on their bikes later too. He's conscious of the fact I get little time to myself these days and he is trying to do more with the kids, especially at weekends.

DD1 is back to school tmrow. DD2 is back to playgroup on Tuesday. Back to walking the 6 miles or so I do a day. I could drive everywhere but I tend to walk as much as I can especially as we've got the dog too and she loves her walks.

Right better get on. Still stood here in pj's. Hope you have a good day today Lucy. Keep in touch. xxxxx

Hey - how was today??

Im quite envious that your DH gives you time to yourself, that is my current number one fantasy - although we did get time out today to go and look at a potential house purchase for some friends. I actually sat and thought about this and i have not had any time just for me, apart from nap time and bed time, either in or out of the house since DD was born. Not really complaining just shocked when i realised it. Have been out a handful (well less than you can count on one hand) with DP since she was born.

Today has been lovely, the weather was dull but warmer. So after pretending to be Phil and Kirsty we did the shopping (which i loathe and it was the whole todler tantrum nightmare scenario - complete with disapproving looks from po faced customers, the ones i wanted to punch were the ones with babies tha had not grown legs, they seemed to scowl more than others - i was thinking, you wait, just you wait - please tell me it gets easier). Strangely enough i/we didnt get stressed and even were mad enough to go on a woodland walk, a new woods that we have never been to before (didnt know it existed til a mnetter recommended it) took the dog, who did his classic running off in all directions leaving us to wonder if we would ever see him again (LEM reminds herself to get dog microchipped) and DD managed to walk most of the walk withough tantrum or whining (too much), some really steep hills too, it was great - home to a lovely dinner that had been cooking itself.

So a great day really. Im worried about DP though, he is very stressed.

LUcy - My DH lets me have a lie in on a sat in excange for a lie in on a sunday - it works for us.

Neither of us has anytime without the children really, weekends are family time, but DS2 is 22 months and will be at preschool or nursery ion just over a year, so I think I can manage.

I hope you are both OK

Hi Lucy & Madhouse....

I insist on DH having time with the kids on his own. After all he is partly responsible for them being here too, iykwim! He works very long hours during the week so him having them not only gives me a break but its good for him and for the kids. They need one to one with him as much as he needs it with him. He misses out a lot during the week - he is often gone before they get up in the morning and more often than not he's not home until they've gone to bed. They're used to him not being around much during the week but not only by the weekends have I had enough of their company he also needs to remind himself of his parental duties! Fortunately, with the eldest being 9yrs old, he can do sporty things with her - swimming, cycling, football, trampolining etc. The younger one, being 4yrs old, isn't so easy because DH isn't really into playing with dolls and buggies! But he does still take over the bath duties and bed-time stories. I know I'm lucky - there's loads of Mums out there who don't have the help of a partner but that's all the help I do get - I don't have anyone family-wise to ask and even if I did I'd have to have a valid reason (ie appt) - my Mum is the least forthcoming with help which is a great shame - but one good thing that will come of all this is when my kids have children of their own I will always be there for them.

Whispy - I am lucky on that DH gets home everynight in time to do bath time, PJs and reading, so they get an hour each night with daddy before bed, but the payoff is that he leaves the house at 6.30 am.

We do try to have one to one times with the boys, but we dont worry if it doesnt happen yet, as they are still only wee

I have made my DP sound a lazy arse, he isnt, he does bath time, bed time, nappies, park etc etc, its just that i do it with him. Its just the routine we have gotten into. He has to do bedtime now too and AND im going out tonight