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Just erase myself

40 replies

timewontfly · 02/08/2024 22:33

I think I'm catastrophising. I'm in a horrible emotionally abusive relationship and just went out with my group of best friends. All have babies and pregnant and married or engaged. I'm sat with a dog that I adore and can't leave and a man that emotionally abuses me on a daily basis. I am probably catastrophising but I feel like they would be so much better if I wasn't here. Have nothing positive to share and just look in the distance while they talk. I feel I should erase myself from their life and eject myself from the horrible life I've created. Win win.

OP posts:
timewontfly · 02/08/2024 23:58

JabbaTheBeachHut · 02/08/2024 23:48

You're going to have to leave at some point unless you see yourselves growing old together?

Yeah don't see any future tbh

OP posts:
ClangerInSpace · 03/08/2024 00:05

he won't let me take the dog

I never gave my ex the choice. I left with my DC, my dog, my cat and a hamster when he was at work, I’d planned it for years. He never knew where we’d moved to. Was he angry? I think angry was an understatement tbh, he erupted. I got cash back for 2 years at tills when I did a shop, opened an online account and banked the money. The money for the wheelie bin cleaning and the window cleaner also went into that account. I did the windows and the bins myself, he was at work and had no clue. I was once very despondent, thinking I could never leave and yes I often questioned my worth to anyone in this life.

You. Are. Worth. More. You deserve a nice calm life, you owe him absolutely nothing. It was slow progress for me but so worth it in the end. You only have one life @timewontfly you don’t get a second chance so grab this life with both hands. You will find a way to take your dog with you Flowers

spiderlight · 03/08/2024 00:12

Dogs Trust have a scheme - I think it's called the Freedom Project - that gives emergency foster carers for dogs to help women get out of abusive relationships.

SD1978 · 03/08/2024 00:23

Do you work? Would someone give you somewhere to stay u til you could get rent together? Can you start putting a small amount of money aside to be able to leave? You walk out with the dog, yes it takes planning to leave, but it can be done.

Theemeperorsnewclothes · 03/08/2024 00:35

timewontfly · 02/08/2024 22:33

I think I'm catastrophising. I'm in a horrible emotionally abusive relationship and just went out with my group of best friends. All have babies and pregnant and married or engaged. I'm sat with a dog that I adore and can't leave and a man that emotionally abuses me on a daily basis. I am probably catastrophising but I feel like they would be so much better if I wasn't here. Have nothing positive to share and just look in the distance while they talk. I feel I should erase myself from their life and eject myself from the horrible life I've created. Win win.

@timewontfly why on earth do you think you’re catastrophising? You are putting the blame on yourself. This is a catastrophe, the fact that you think it is your fault. It is not. You think you have nothing positive to share?! You’ve just expressed how much you adore your dog and are spending time together (you’re probably one of my favourite people then!) I could talk to you for hours about loving my dog. Get out of there. Physically and mentally. You have taken the first huge step, you have recognised you are in an abusive relationship, and now you’ve even said it out loud. You deserve so much better. If you were my daughter, I would just want to hug you right now, and tell you how beautiful and wonderful you are, and deserved of a good partner and good friends. Please call Women’s Aid, even just for a chat. I think they possibly saved my life. Rooting for you, and so is that wee best furry friend of yours. Ps get the help and support and counselling from Women’s Aid, get back on your feet, and then let him try taking that furry baby from you.

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 03/08/2024 01:18

Everything you have said is screaming to me that you are depressed OP. Please call your GP first thing tomorrow, and get some help. If you feel you would struggle to tell them what's going on, just write it down, like you have here. Tell them that the man you live with is abusive, and ask them for help. I promise you, that once you have the right medication, you will begin to feel more able to cope, and ready to start taking back control from this arsehole, who has made you feel so worthless.

He's doubtless been telling you for a long time how useless you are, how stupid you are, etc., etc., but who is he to judge you? Who says that everything he says is right?
It's time to take back the power OP, and you can start by seeing your GP.

It doesn't sound like you have any children, and if that's the case, there is absolutely NO reason why you can't leave him, and take your dog with you, unless of course he's keeping you chained up, and if that's the case you should be contacting the police for help rather than wasting time posting on MN.

Many women have been where you are now OP, but with support, they have dug deep, and found the courage to take that difficult first step toward getting their lives back on track, and once you've taken the first step, it's easier to take the next, and the next, until you are finally free. I won't tell you it will happen tomorrow, and I won't tell you it will be easy, but it will be WORTH IT!

Don't worry, we're here to cheer you on, so come back as often as you need us. Sending you a reassuring hug.

GreenIvyy · 03/08/2024 01:54

Why are you unable to leave him? Take the dog?

timewontfly · 03/08/2024 07:38

Thanks all. I'd had a few glasses of wine and everything seems so much worse after alcohol. I can leave and I know I should which is why I'm feeling so frantic. I probably am depressed as it's sucking the life out of me but I am also lucky that I could leave and the main thing stopping me is myself.

OP posts:
ImaniMumsnet · 03/08/2024 10:08

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources and our https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence page.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Mental Health Webguide | Mumsnet

A guide to information and services related to mental health support. Find reliable organisations and support services here.

https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health

GreenIvyy · 03/08/2024 10:51

timewontfly · 03/08/2024 07:38

Thanks all. I'd had a few glasses of wine and everything seems so much worse after alcohol. I can leave and I know I should which is why I'm feeling so frantic. I probably am depressed as it's sucking the life out of me but I am also lucky that I could leave and the main thing stopping me is myself.

You really dont have to stay in this situation. Move out of tge way of yourself, pack yours and the dogs stuff and get out of there xx

dizzydizzydizzy · 03/08/2024 17:47

Hi OP! You're in a really difficult situation. I know about friends not understanding why you don't leave . It is incredibly difficult. It took me over 20 years.

The people who helped me were my GP and Women's Aid. My GP took things extremely seriously and my situation probably wasn't as serious as yours.

Your GP can put you in touch with your local Women's Aid group. You'll get a support worker who will understand everything you're going through and you will be able to vent as much as you need .

In the meantime, please contact Samaritans if you're feeling suicidal or very worried. They'll be happy to listen.

timewontfly · 03/08/2024 18:18

I appreciate all the responses when I'm in a dark place. I think I feel like I can't cope anymore as I can't cope with this situation any longer and I really don't know how to get out of it. I do feel so down and never thought I could be depressed as a result of his behaviour. I think you are all right about GP and women's aid etc as I need some support, my mind just feels completely twisted and the thought of leaving is just too overwhelming to even cope even though I know I can't stay. I feel a bit more clear today and I know that erasing myself is not an option it just at times feel easier than going through this

OP posts:
OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 03/08/2024 18:34

Stay away from the alcohol - clearly it doesn't agree with you.
See your GP re depression / anxiety / therapy / counselling
Contact Woman's Aid
Get your finances sorted
find a dog friendly rental
leave, taking your dog with you

dizzydizzydizzy · 03/08/2024 18:47

timewontfly · 03/08/2024 18:18

I appreciate all the responses when I'm in a dark place. I think I feel like I can't cope anymore as I can't cope with this situation any longer and I really don't know how to get out of it. I do feel so down and never thought I could be depressed as a result of his behaviour. I think you are all right about GP and women's aid etc as I need some support, my mind just feels completely twisted and the thought of leaving is just too overwhelming to even cope even though I know I can't stay. I feel a bit more clear today and I know that erasing myself is not an option it just at times feel easier than going through this

You have taken the first step OP by saying you know you need to leave and get professional advice. It's very very hard but it is so worth doing.

Might not be worth it but you may be able to register yourself as homeless with the council. I did. As a domestic abuse victim they have an obligation to rehouse you within a certain number of days (think it is about 60 days). In my case, they would have rehoused me about 100 miles away. Luckily I managed to find a private rental without their help. Also if you are looking for rental accommodation, even if you get constantly turned away, you will eventually find a sympathetic landlord - I found one who was a domestic abuse victim and they decided to help

mechanicalpencil · 06/08/2024 22:24

@timewontfly
good evening
just checking in to say hi , how are you feeling today?

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