Just erase myself

[timewontfly]

I think I'm catastrophising. I'm in a horrible emotionally abusive relationship and just went out with my group of best friends. All have babies and pregnant and married or engaged. I'm sat with a dog that I adore and can't leave and a man that emotionally abuses me on a daily basis. I am probably catastrophising but I feel like they would be so much better if I wasn't here. Have nothing positive to share and just look in the distance while they talk. I feel I should erase myself from their life and eject myself from the horrible life I've created. Win win.

No. You should get out of the shitty relationship. Then you would have so much more to share with them. You deserve so much better OP.

I'm sorry you're in this horrid situation. Is there anyone in this group you could reach out to and talk about the reality of your situation? Please don't fear friends will look down on you just because things aren't working well. Don't assume none of their relationships are abusive either. I think you need to tell someone IRL if you can - your abuser is relying on you being to ashamed to reach out - defy him and make even just a start to breaking away. You deserve that adhd you deserve life.

Of course they wouldn't be better if you weren't here. They're your friends because they like you for yourself, not for what you can give them. Friendship doesn't work like that.

Can you talk to them and ask for help, right now? If they're friends they will rally round.

Can you break it down a little bit for us, so we can help you see a way out?

Do you work?

What's your housing situation?

From your friends do you have someone you trust & confide in?

I'm sorry you're feeling like this! I'm sure your friends love you very much & would be sad to think you feel like this!

Talk to your friends.

They all know. They are just fed up with.me not leaving and can't listen to me anymore so I just plaster on a smile.

You’re clearly miserable. So what’s stopping you from leaving?

Is there one of your friends you could confide in? It’s true what they say about a weight being lifted when you share a problem.

They’re your friends because they want to be, they don’t have to be. I’m sure they’d all want to help and support you 💐

Sending hugs. You are better than this and you can do it.

What’s stopping you from leaving? Could women’s aid help you make that final leap? Any family nearby who are supportive?

What could you ask your friend to do that would help you? They're probably desperate to help but frustrated they've tried and failed.

Do you want to leave your relationship? What would be most useful - counselling, help getting your finances in order or finding a new place to live, help to move? Ask them for what you need.

I do hope things improve for you.

Do you have family OP? If so, is there anything stopping you tomorrow getting your lovely dog and going back to them? Just to give you the headspace to plan? Or your friends, could you call one of them tomorrow and ask them to help you plan?

Reach out to your best friends. They might not realise how things are for you. Choose one of these friends and contact them right now. Get all help from qualified professionals as well.

I think if you left and took the dog with you you would suddenly gain a whole new perspective on life. It’s hard but the bottom line is it’s as difficult as you want to make it. Do it.

They make you feel you can’t leave. They make you feel you have no options. That’s what abusers do. Grind you down and down. I’ve been where you are, I’d bought the means and was sat in my car.
Then a young girl I worked with told me about a job she’d ‘ always thought you’d be good at’. That got me looking, Long story short 4 months later I chucked all my clothes , the dog and the cat into the car and I was gone — new job, new home.
It’s scary, keeping the planning quiet, but the moment I drove off I knew I’d done the right thing. Never saw him again.

Please talk to Women's Aid - you are not alone. You can get help and leave. You are important and you deserve better. Please call them 💐

If your friends didn't want you to be there, they wouldn't let you know when they were going out.

Why can't you leave him? Do you have shared debts etc?

Just leave, do it tomorrow, or now

The thing is that one went through a hard time and I wasn't there because I was wrapped up in the relationship and I was selfish, the other has kids with special needs and my best friend has a newborn baby. I know I am catastrophising and I'll be ok and the best thing I could do is leave. I could physically leave but he has controlled finances to such an extent I have nothing left and he won't let me take the dog and I couldn't bare to leave her with him with the way he behave . No excuses I just really need.a bit of advice to calm me down. Feel like everyone would be better off without my complaining about my situation and feeling completely unable to leave it

You need to leave, you know you need to leave, so make plans to take as many of your things and the dog and just go. Everything else will sort and once you've left your friends will rally and support you. I know how hard it is being a friend of someone in this position - u have 2 currently in the cycle of leaving/its getting better/ its shit again and it is tiring - but we will be there x

He can't stop you taking the dog. " let" doesn't come into it and us just one more piece of controlling asshattery.

How on earth can he stop you taking your dog? Who is the registered owner? Which friend would let you stay? Would they let you bring your dog?

if you're still having sex with this bloke double up on contraception!

just get out love, life's too short!

Sweetheart, no. Please don't think your life has no value. It does and you do.
You know what would be better? If that prick who abuses you wasn't there. If he's gone you will heal and love life once more. I've been there and the difference is night and day. You can leave. Stop telling yourself you can't.
You can take the dog. He can't stop you. Leave while he's out. Or change the locks to keep him out, depending on your situation re housing.

You're going to have to leave at some point unless you see yourselves growing old together?