Help me stop this self destruction

[Selfdestructmodeactivated]

I don't know why I'm doing this. I lost my only parent earlier this year. Since then I've been a mess. Not eating or eating all the wrong things. Vaping although I never have before. My house is a mess & I do nothing about it. I live alone, have 2 dcs who have left home. I'm just angry at everyone & everything. I don't cook & get by on energy drinks & rubbish food. The only thing I do without fail is walk my dog. Everything else is in an out of control spiral & I don't know how to make it stop.

I'm ok thanks. Had a really tough week. Just goes to show that grief can do strange things. I'm really struggling but this weekend have cleaned my house & caught up with both my boys so feeling a wee bit better & ready for a new week.

I've just come across this thread and I wanted to say that even though you've had a wobbly week, OP, you are doing so well. The thing is, there is no magic solution to grief, you have to live alongside it, and let it bubble along whilst you are getting on with everything else. It's great you are going to the gym, and doing the garden. I let things slide but try to get back on it all again. I think you can't necessarily change your feelings, but I agree with whoever told you better out than in, I do think suppressing your upset/distress is the wrong thing to do. Here's to next week...

Bless you - sorry you’ve had a tough week, but you’re doing so well. I’m sure the grief will hit you in waves but it sounds likes you’ve picked yourself up.

Tears, tears & lots of tears this week. Very busy at work & feeling overwhelmed. However I have been to the gym twice & arranged to meet a friend tomorrow night so not totally spiralling out of control. I guess this is just life now. The grief feels like wading through mud. It will get easier I'm sure of that.

I’m sure it will get easier. You’re so lucky you had such a good relationship with your mum. Lots of us don’t. Soon, you’ll be able to think of her, laugh and remember all the things you’ve done together without feeling so awful. You’ve come such a long way in a month - she will be so proud of you. (I’m assuming it’s your mum, sorry if I should’ve said your dad) xx

I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds incredibly tough. Self-regulation techniques might help you regain some control. Small steps, like setting a routine, can make a big difference. You can find some helpful strategies in this blog: Self-Regulation Techniques. Start with one thing at a time, and be kind to yourself. You're not alone in this.

Well I haven't updated this thread for weeks 🤦‍♀️ Having a difficult time with family & trying to sort things out. Counselling is good & keeping me focused on making progress. Still going to the gym & trying to eat well. I did fall off the wagon & buy a vape on a particularly stressful weekend but not gone back to it. Struggling with sleep & feeling very tired so my aim for the next week is to practice good sleep hygiene & try to stay off my phone!

Aww - lovely to hear from you! Sorry you’ve had a tricky time but you seem to be handling it so much better than at the beginning. Well done for eating well and going to the gym. We all fall off the wagon from time to time and I struggle with sleep too. I try not to stress over lack of sleep. I will go days with having only 5 hours and then I have a time sleeping better and then back to sleeplessness again. It’s my age, I reckon. Nice to hear from you!