Help me stop this self destruction

[Selfdestructmodeactivated]

I don't know why I'm doing this. I lost my only parent earlier this year. Since then I've been a mess. Not eating or eating all the wrong things. Vaping although I never have before. My house is a mess & I do nothing about it. I live alone, have 2 dcs who have left home. I'm just angry at everyone & everything. I don't cook & get by on energy drinks & rubbish food. The only thing I do without fail is walk my dog. Everything else is in an out of control spiral & I don't know how to make it stop.

Gp

@PardonMee just out of interest how do you think a GP could help?

Well done on your progress so far

1st grief counselling session today. Have had a very busy week & it all built up so was good to let it out. What I came away with was feeling 'this is normal'. Everybody deals with grief differently & this is my normal. There's a long way to go but it's a start. I've taken the 1st step & that feels good. It's all about small steps to try & stop this spiral I'm in...

Hey, I have a friend involved in this online course which i hear is very good and thought you might want to know about it: thebereavementjourney.org
Well done on your progress. Cheering you on from the sidelines

PS Faith content is optional and only features in one of the sessions. So open to anyone with or without faith.

So great to hear your positive post. From the sidelines, you really sound like you’re turning a corner. Keep it up and well done you!

@Smleps thank you! I honestly think just writing it down on here is helping me. Thank you all for the support

It's lovely to see your progress on this thread. After reading your post, I was going to write that it sounds like you're ready to change and that's why you started this thread.
Glad to see I was right

Keep going. Try to incorporate some exercise into your day as the movement helps our bodies to deal without emotions, especially stress.

I agree with the pp - exercise will really help - it’s really good advice. Keep updating us on here and we will give you all the support we can. I hope you’ve had a good day today.

You’ve made great progress in a short time. Very well done!

Yesterday's counselling session brought up some of the emotions I've been suppressing & was quite upset last night 😪 I baked a cake today. I love baking but easily seen it's been a while as my flour was out of date! Had a visit from my ds & his partner which broke up the day. Walked the dog & cut the grass. Feeling tired tonight. Agree with the exercise & although I walk lots I probably need to do more. Have booked a gym class for tomorrow. Still feel like I'm going through the motions & not really enjoying things but that isn't going to change overnight.

Doing my daily check in. Went out for lunch with my other ds. I think my dcs are both aware how much I'm struggling & doing their best to help. Went to the gym. I'm sure I will suffer for that tomorrow but enjoyed it & feel physically tired tonight.

Well done you! Great that you’ve been to the gym and so glad your boys are helping you - what lovely chaps you’ve brought up. Enjoy feeling tired and hopefully you’ll sleep well.

Everything hurts today! Went for a long walk tonight with a couple of friends & let off some steam 🤯

Ha ha! The pain of exercise - it won’t hurt as much next time! Keep up the good work. It’s always good to meet friends for a chat. You sound like you’re doing so well - I hope that’s the case.

I've booked to go to the gym tonight. Feeling rubbish because I've managed not to vape for 2 days so I'm hoping it will take my mind off it & stop me caving! Thanks for the continued support, it really is helping me 💐

Well done on not vaping!!

Oh my - you’ve done so well! You’re tackling everything and managing it! Glad we are
helping - make sure you catch up tomorrow.

I'm not sure about managing it! I am pretty determined though when I set my mind to something. Have the headache from hell today but apparently day 3 is the worst!! Managing to keep on top of things at home as well as exercising & sleeping better as a result. Got some big decisions coming up regarding Mum's house & belongings but beginning to feel in a better place to deal with these. Eating well is still an issue so I need to focus on that...

I am amazed that you’re changing so much. You sound determined and so you will get there! I hope the headache clears and that you feel better tomorrow. Just think how well you will feel once you have detoxed from this. Take the decisions slowly with regard to your mum’s stuff. Just one step and a time.

2nd counselling session done. It feels good to speak about what's bothering me with someone who doesn't pass judgement. Still feel a bit stuck but it will take time to unwrap. Was sorely tempted to go & buy a vape afterwards but managed to resist & going to gym class now which will keep my mind off that. Counsellor spoke a lot about self care which is something that's been lacking for a very long time but I'm taking small steps to change that...
Have no plans for the weekend which feels difficult.

Your’re doing incredibly well. Try and give yourself some goals/jobs to do over the weekend so you don’t feel that you’ve wasted it. Start a new book, clear out some cupboards, wash the floors, ask a friend over for coffee, paint your nails…you get the idea.

Have had a productive weekend one way & another. Plans had to change due to horrendous weather but have sorted out some things at home & also went to my Mum's house which I find incredibly hard. I've eaten well & not vaped & been to the gym today as well as walked the dog. Chilling now & doing my nails, fingers & toes, thank you @Smleps for that suggestion

I've just read this string from start to finish and I wanted to say how great you sound now compared to just a couple of weeks ago. Hope that doesn't sound patronising, you're doing fantastically well, keep up them baby steps! What sort of dog do you have? Xx