No Taylor Swift tickets pushed me over the edge tonight

[SadUselessMum]

I know this is 1st world problems but I’m feeling so sad tonight. I’m just sat here sobbing. My DD has saved up £200 from all the birthday/xmas money to try and get a TS ticket and I’ve been saving a bit every week so we would have enough for 2. We didn’t get any with our code (as it wouldn’t work) and I stupidly thought that £400 would be enough to get 2 tickets even if they were really rubbish seats.

I’ve been looking for weeks. Anything within the price range is rare and gets snapped up. I even looked tonight for short notice and the cheapest were £800 for 2. One ticket was going for 7k!

This has been the final straw for me. I work all the hours god sends, missing time with my kids, just to keep a roof over our heads. We have no money for fun. I go to bed worrying about money and wake up worrying about it. My DD had no presents or trips this year as she wanted money for one measley concert ticket! But no! All the ticket touts got there first. She’s being brave about it as she can see I feel bad but I’ve heard her crying in her room tonight. I didn’t have much when I was a child but I had more than this. I’m a shit mum and my DD is having a shitty childhood. I wish I’d never had her.

If this is life, I don’t want it anymore.

No, her tickets that she actually sold and made money from were cheap.

This isn't true, sadly. There were some official tickets that were £700.

Sit down with dd tomorrow and plan something nice to do with the money. Go on holiday, have a shopping spree, go out for dinner.

This isn’t about TS. Sounds like you’ve both been through a lot, I get that you don’t feel that you are good enough but honestly I bet you are!

Is it worth having a medication review?

Sounds like you need the £400 elsewhere... so maybe it's a good thing

Never underestimate how incredible a gift it is to have a mother who loves you OP.

They were VIP - not denying they were overpriced for what you got extra (box of merch and early entry) but that's not representative of what the general ticket price was.

OP it was 2018 when Taylor last toured in the uk

So My DD waited at least that long to see her

It's done her no harm

Sometimes you just have to wait and be patient - it's a useful lesson and skill

Use that money to have a weekend away.

I thought tickets went on sale last year?

Why don't you plan to join the hoards outside the venues and in the fan parks - rather than chasing tickets - it's such a huge deal for young people I get it - but have a look at your closest venue and just get dressed up and go anyway

You may just get lucky on the night x

someone actually wishes their child was never born because they can't get taylor swift tickets?

That's not actually the case.

Yes there's 'more to it' but ultimately that is still what OP said, and not just once in the heat of the moment but then repeated in a subsequent post.

The OP is suffering from clinical depression as evidenced by her being on antidepressants and is also a disabled cancer survivor. She is suicidal and, in her illness, sees her DC as obstacles to her wished-for suicide.

Try to imagine how awful someone's life must be in order for them to want to die by suicide. Try to imagine how awful someone's life must be in order for them to resent their DD for forcing them to stay alive. Then consider how the judgey fuckers with less emotional literacy than a slug, including yourself, are heaping judgement and scorn on someone who is already suffering life-threatening depression, putting her at higher risk.

OP is allowed to be selfish on her own support thread. She is allowed to be honest about her feelings on her own support thread. She is allowed to not give a flying fuck about whether her honest feelings upset others, who can click the "back" button, on her own support thread.

It's always the case that disabled mothers are the bottom of the heap, lowest of the low, expected to soldier on and plaster on the smile and prioritise everyone else above themselves even when they are dying. I'd hoped that Mumsnet, of all places, would be different. Apparently not so.

These are resales, I think - hence the higher price.

I suspect that people find it hard to accept that not getting a band ticket pushes you over the edge - in many ways a privileged position to have the money to try -

very much a straw that broke the camels back set up ( which is biblical so the thing whereby something trivial triggers something much worse has been known for ever )

@onceandneveragain

"Do you not think that the MH of those who have lost children of their own or who are unable to conceive may have been affected by stumbling across a post where someone actually wishes their child was never born because they can't get taylor swift tickets? Yes there's 'more to it' but ultimately that is still what OP said, and not just once in the heat of the moment but then repeated in a subsequent post."

No, that's not the point. Some hypothetical internet random upset by reading about someone else's mental health crisis is not a priority over someone clearly dealing with a mental health crisis right now. On her own thread.

Now if this hypothetical person is pushed over the edge into a crisis of their own, then they should be encouraged seek support the way OP tried to. Although I don't think I'd recommend seeking help here after reading this horrible thread. Reading the responses here leads me to believe that she'd probably be told how pathetic it is to be in crisis over someone else's words and how small and insignificant it is.
You know that there's 'more to it' as you say. But you still decided to deliberately and knowingly ignore that and accuse OP of wishing her child's life away over TS tickets.

So many of the replies here are absolutely disgusting. Especially from the people claiming to suffer with depression themselves. The implication being "I should know how horrible OP is because I have depression and I don't feel like that" ..well guess what? Your experience of depression isn't OPs experience. Depression isn't pretty. The thoughts and feelings aren't pretty or necessarily logical to others. It's fucking depression, it's ugly and it's painful. How dare you try to use your diagnosis to abuse someone in crisis, who might be struggling with suicidal ideation. Who tf do you think you are?

Those of you who have been downright vile here, you may have pushed someone over the edge who is in a very dark place. Does that make you feel good?

OP, if you’re there, many of us get it. You just wanted this to be something your dd could have that was frivolous and carefree, a moment of joy that you could give her. It feels gutting, but please hold on, there will be others. And your dd needs you.

Exactly. Other sources of joy together. Just need a reset and focus on what is actually possible. And no, I’m not being silenced by other posters. MN doesn’t work like that and nothing I have suggested is unreasonable.

Why not let dd save her money and use the money you saved to see Katy Ellis's tribute act? It'll be a fraction of the price for a ticket and you won't be 3 miles from the stage. Have a fun night out together singing all the songs.
https://www.ents24.com/uk/tour-dates/taylor-swift-tribute-by-katy-ellis

They’re doing a TS eras tour tribute at our local theatre - could you see if there is similar

i know it’s not the same, but it’s something to look forward to maybe

No, that's not the point. Some hypothetical internet random upset by reading about someone else's mental health crisis is not a priority over someone clearly dealing with a mental health crisis right now. On her own thread.

well said @blablasmthsmth

I am not trying to silence you, @TizerorFizz

MN works to provide support to the struggling, amongst other things. You are not doing that.

There’s a zillion threads out there where “chin up, pull your socks up” might be helpful and supportive. This isn’t one.

I can’t stop you posting; I can state that I think your style is destructive and counter productive on this thread.

You're tone deaf and needlessly spiteful. No, you're correct, nobody can shut you up. You have the right to post - within guidelines - whatever wittering irrelevances you want.

If you're in any way decent, don't change your username. That way you can be ignored.

No more oxygen for you from me.

Hey @SadUselessMum how are you today lovely? I hope you're feeling OK, and you and your lovely daughter are well. I'm so sorry you couldn't get the TS tickets, and I hope you eventually find a way to get some. If not for this tour, for another one.

I know what it's like to feel heartbroken when things don't quite go your way and life feels a little bit shit. And it's amplified when you're a teen. My niece (when she was a teen) was devastated when she couldn't get to a Harry Potter film premiere, but a couple of years later she went to one with my DD and they had the most amazing time.

Look after yourself, and treat yourself well, and I hope life is amazing for you soon.

Please come and talk to us on here again so so we know that you and your daughter are OK. 🤗

Changing the subject slightly, I do think these Taylor Swift ticket prices have got out of hand. £700+ for some tickets, and an average price of £300 is pretty outrageous. Many people can't afford this. I wonder why they're so expensive?

Oh and @blablasmthsmth at 9.48, excellent post!

Thank you for all the kind messages..and for those who gave me a pasting - you can take heart in the fact that it was nothing compared to how I feel about myself. I know I’m rubbish so it doesn’t matter how many more people tell me I am., so don’t worry about that.

Im feeling a bit better this morning and managing to put it a bit more into perspective. My DD and I are going to have a TS evening on the sofa at the weekend and a very kind mumsnet lady has offered to send DD a little TS goodie bag which was so kind. My DD has been very stoic and said that she does need to buy some things for school with £100 of her money (she wants to be a doctor so has to get the good grades) and is going to save the rest for a future TS ticket hopefully in a few years. I’ll try and take her away for a night over the summer with £100 and use the other £100 on more a sensible things .

thanks again.

in many ways a privileged position to have the money to try

Part of the OP and her DD's frustration is that they scrimped and saved for a long time to have that money. Whilst I understand that some people can't even do that, the feeling of a year's effort and sacrifice having been all for nought is part of what makes this experience so disheartening.

It's far more disheartening to get your hopes up and be disappointed than it is to have never had that hope to begin with.

How come I, autistic, get this and others, presumably-neurotypical-on-the-basis-of-probability, don't?

Glad your feeling better this morning, there’s so much more you can do with the money than a TS concert, I’m not into TS but a member of my family is and they got “cheap” ( I use the term loosely) tickets on Twickets website so you could regularly check on there and make an offer (she did) but you could also put the money towards a fabulous weekend or day out, the fact you’ve posted on here thinking you’ve failed her, means you aren’t failing as a parent, your worried about letting her down and that’s what every loving parent thinks about daily!

Do you have disney +? I am sure I have seen her concert listed on there. I understand they huge dissapointment of missing out on tickets but could you get some decorations and surprise her with a taylor swift party at home? You could get all dressed up. Order pizza and some nice drinks and dance around your own living room.
I know its not the same but I am sure your daughter would appreciate the sentiment and thought.