General support thread 2

[Helplessandheartbroke]

All welcome. No judgement and kindness all around x

@Helplessandheartbroke I hope you're feeling better

@Orangesandlemons77 you must have really needed the sleep so it's good I guess.

This is a bit of a waffle, but probably nobody is around to read it. 😂 Things are so much better than they were this time last year and I know I should focus on that. (Last year at Xmas I had a full five weeks without seeing anybody, not counting my mum as she's not able to be company). It was awful.

This year I have started to - hopefully - find some new friends. I hesitate to say that because I don't want to jinx it.

Anyway, I was out with them this evening. It was quite a short evening because they're all rushing back to their families. But it was nice. However, I noticed that one lady kept hugging me. Like three times she gave me a hug. And another guy at the end of the night said to me "I don't normally do hugs but being as it's Christmas you can have a hug." !!!

So I probably do look like a lost puppy who needs a hug a lot of the time. It's kind of sad. But things are better so i must focus on that.

Hi friends

Sorry I haven't been on in a while but I've been thinking about you all. I can't really sleep that well and I'm still up.

What helped me a lot was avoiding Christmassy songs and radio so it was less full on. Thinking of you ladies @Helplessandheartbroke @Ilovedogs1 @hk1993x @Whycantgiraffesdance @EmeraldRoulette

And a big hello and welcome to people I haven't met yet -- I started posting on this thread December last year, and ladies have been supportive and kind.

Just to let you know that it's perfectly normal to feel off when holidays start. Christmas is always a bit challenging. It helps to be here because life isn't Instagram reels but a lot of us struggle too. Your feelings are valid, friends x

Morning all. Happy Christmas Eve. Had a slightly better day yesterday, still a lot of anxiety and raging thoughts but not quite as panicky. Still scared about getting really ill again. I'm feeling a bit disheartened that I'm always going to be a bit weird/anxious.

Although judging by the amount of Samaritans and Mind ads on atm I'm clearly not alone. Decided to donate to Samaritans this year instead of xmas cards.
I usually love Christmas Eve but feel no motivation at all. Hope everyone is OK. Got work this afternoon so hopefully will occupy my mind a bit. Xx

Happy Christmas eve ladies. Some lovely updates. Will check in later I'm working today too x

Merry Christmas ladies, i hope we all find some little bit of peace and happiness. We all deserve it ❤️

I think it’s OK to treat it as a normal day if it helps you cope .
I am off to my brother’s shortly - he is struggling at the moment too so we will support each other .
Im watching Mr Bean at the moment which is amusing !

Happy Christmas to everyone, I hope we can all find a bit of peace over the next few days even if we’re not feeling particularly Christmassy. And thank you to everyone on here for offering a virtual handhold this year, you are all amazing x

Yes, I do think in the new year I'll set up a regular donation to Samaritans as I've had some wonderful conversations this year which have really helped me get my head straight. I just feel like I can be truly honest on the phone when I'm anonymous whereas with friends and family I don't want to worry them too much. Merry Christmas all.

Merry Christmas friends x

Merry Christmas everyone. Was up at 7.30 but felt exhausted and anxious so went back to bed for an hour at 10, this is too overwhelming for me lol. hopefully didn't disappoint kids x

Merry Christmas friends ♥️

Good to hear from all of you. This day can absolutely be challenging so it's okay to feel a bit confused.

Just visited my uncle and aunt and played with two dogs. It was a bit weird and... fine? But better than last year. Now I have this thread so I know I'm not alone xx

Hello ladies. Got through Christmas relatively ok. Kept it pretty simple but I still feel knackered. How's everyone else?

I’ve found being around family impossible and have isolated myself most of the time - I don’t feel like I want to / can contribute to anything conversation wise and then this causes awkwardness . Conversations are far too much effort and I’m boring .
Travelling back today where I will be in my own - dislike this too . I’ve just what a lack of sense this contradiction is !
Does anyone else relate to this ?

Hi ladies

I'm glad you're all doing ok. I'm sure going back to bed for an hour was fine while the kids played with their new things. My dh worked so me and ds went visiting family over near Preston. It was nice and I had lots of help with ds.

Anyone got NYE plans? X

I've been struggling too with relatives, will be good to get back to normal

Hi, so after a bit of a crash when I submitted an assignment and started annual leave on 17th I felt ok from 21st-26thish, so was thinking it was transient emotional few days, maybe burnout, but yesterday I felt exhausted, and angry at my children in the evening. I shouted at them which I don't often do. Was back to work from boxing day, yesterday off, worked till 3 today, then full work day tomorrow and Tuesday. Long shift Thursday, without the normal time off on Friday. As I work in a hospital, these weeks are rotad a bit different to account for annual leave. So I think I was cross that I couldn't have a nice last evening of the holiday yesterday. This foggy weather is not doing me any favours. Generally, I have felt better mentally since June, but starting to come off track. I think I need to work on doing some mindfulness, keeping routines etc.

Also, exhausted today.

Are you in the North? I drove home from west Yorkshire last night in the fog it was horrendous! Hope your shifts aren't too bad. I'm back in tomorrow and can't sleep

No, south/ south east, but in the Chiltern hills and and a valley we seem to have our own miserable microclimate, which clings to fog and stormy weather. Sometimes I drive up the road to sunshine.

Happy New Year. Feeling very low today. Have failed to get better for last 25 years so what's the point in another year? Just want to cease to exist without it harming DD. Wish I hadn't had her because I feel like she'll just learn poor mental health from me and have a miserable life. And all I can do is watch the repeated car crash and feel guilty for creating her.

@MsGoodenough wish I could offer some positivity but I’m feeling a bit low today myself, think it’s just the new year in general which I’ve always hated and just having flashbacks to this time last year when I was really suffering with depression and anxiety. Hoping I’ll feel a better once the routine of the kids bring back at school, work etc kicks in. Do u have other family beside your DD?

how is everyone else doing? Xxx

Thank you. Normally I look forward to going back to work too but this year it's causing more problems than it's solving. I have a partner but we are splitting up. My mum is a lifelong depressive who I struggle to spend time with. I know DD and I will repeat the same cycle. Current thinking is to give myself permission to kill myself next new year if I don't feel any better. Sounds ridiculous but it's comforting.

I do understand how that can feel comforting, like a way out, but please know I think you mean a lot to your daughter and if she does end up with depression she will have a mother who understands and I'm sure will be supportive. She might now, but if she does it is not your fault. I think of it as an illness like any other.

Sending kind thoughts your way.

I'm sleeping a lot atm, mainly due to my olanzapine I think. I had tried to cut to out but started getting e.g. nightmares. I don't really like taking it but I think it helps me mentally. Feel a bit zombie like though.

*might not, I meant to say, not 'now"

Thank you x