Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

@medianewbie
Welcome and so sorry that you find yourself here.
Feel free to vent away or use this thread as a sounding board.
I have got good advice here.
Take care
Xx

Thank you @DarkChocHolic (me too!)

@DarkChocHolic - interesting to hear that your DD didn't meet the threshold for an ADD assessment with CAMHS but has been diagnosed privately.
Have also been told by CAMHS that my DD didn't meet criteria for full assessment.
Despite her SALT , OT and SENCO all independently telling us they think she has it and her previous CAMHS psychiatrist being on the cusp of prescribing " off list" before he left.
It's so confusing when you get conflicting information but have a suspicion camhs decisions are sometimes financial and perhaps to do with age - my dd is 16 and would be an adult before she got to top of waiting list - they tried to put us off doing triage forms because of it.
I think they have tightened diagnostic criteria as well.
Every now and then I wonder if we should go down private ADD assessment route- but it's more money:(
I hope CAMHS accept your DDs diagnosis, I'm almost 100% certain they will- they accepted our DDs private ASC assessment without question.

@Theordinary
I'm really sorry it's so difficult for you at home right now. I hope DHs meds start to help soon or are reviewed.

@Medianewbie - Welcome. This group is really supportive so do reach out for any support, chat( or to rant!) It must be really hard for you.

@1Spinforward2back
Tribunal hearing over- can now relax! It went well I think. I'm kicking myself by forgetting to mention some extra details- I was very nervous but got through it. Will find out result in about 2 weeks.
Thank you for your support and calm advice. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your hearing.

@stilllivinginazoo
How are you? Hope you are well and having a good half term

Welcome @medianewbie. Have you spoken to Enquire about support at school?

Welcome @Roodledoodle83. Have you ever considered ASD? DD’s difficulties with social interaction and overthinking little details about the interactions/friends makes me wonder whether there is something more than social anxiety at play.

@Runnerduck34 glad it is over and went OK. I will keep my fingers crossed it goes in your favour. Easier said than done, but try not to spend the next 2 weeks dwelling on it.

@DarkChocHolic diagnosis brings mixed emotions. I hope CAMHS accept the diagnosis. The psychiatrist sounds wise. Can I suggest you request an EHCNA. An EHCP can provide more support than you will receive via the NHS.

@Theordinary although difficult in the short term, I hope the medication helps DH in the longer term. Don’t be disheartened if it takes a while to find the right dose/combination. It is worth reading JCQ’s guidelines.

@1spinforward2back
I honestly did think of you when the psychiatrist ruled out eupd....
You were the one who gave me that piece of information and I have grabbed that tightly ever since.
I appreciate all your support on this thread.

Xx

@DarkChocHolic you are more than welcome. I have come across far too many women and girls misdiagnosed which has resulted in further trauma.

we have considered ASD but other than the social anxiety she shows no other signs. We did talk about it with her and she was certain she didn’t want to go deeper. Her psychologist said it was lockdown and low self esteem.

@1spinforward2back thank for so much for that advice to look at the JCQ. I didn't have any idea what it was but I looked it up and it literally has everything I need to know for the access arrangements. I can now go into battle when school resumes. The only thing I'm still a little bit confused about is whether she is except from the 'normal way of working' My interpretation is that she would come under the section 8 3. Although obviously she's always been ASD we only found out in September and the anxiety and not being able to attend school has been last 3 months mostly. Hopefully the senco team know what they're doing!
Hello to the new people @Roodledoodle83 and @medianewbie
This is a lovely safe place to get stuff off your chest and for excellent support and advice.
Update here, DD managed 3 hours at school, unfortunately she felt really unwell when she was there so had to leave early. It's the anxiety that makes her feel shaky and sick, so looks like we still have a way to go. I dyed her hair again so she's happy with that!
DH ditched the most sedating benzo med (which was only for 2 weeks anyway) He is taking the two important ones for the Bipolar. He feels much less sedated and is currently doing the washing up!
Apologies for the ramble this morning, that was very long.

@Theordinary sorry to hear this. In the nicest possible way, if your DD is this unwell for a few hours in school as you say, it is probably not the right thing to keep trying to send her in. Her whole body is saying no, and you/the school need to listen. The school/LA want "bums on seats", but her wellbeing is the priority.

@MackenCheese I know you're right. At the moment we have been just taking the lead from her with absolutely no pressure from us and she wanted to go in. I think she's fooling herself that she is getting better, then she over extends herself and falls flat on her face again. It's really hard. She has coursework that has to be done in the classroom. This was extra provision the school put on during the half term so completely optional. She's so desperate for this gcse as it's the only one she's predicted to pass. I have emailed the inclusions team to chase up the section 19 and sent off the ehcpna form with evidence. I've had to kind of go solo with the form as all the organsations who offer legal advice etc have not got back to me. I'm sure they're going to make it go to tribunal anyway so I thought I'd just get in the post! Fingers crossed.

This sounds so tough! Were you offered mediation? I've just booked to have mediation following a no decision for ECHNA for my y10 DD.. With my son i think I ust grabbed the certificate and put on the appeal, but I thought I'd do something different this time. I've also got fingers crossed we'll not have to go to tribunal. Very stressful in year 10/11 😢giving you a handhold....

@Theordinary sorry school didn’t go well. Normal way of working could have been established since September/a few months ago and is also based on needs, so I don’t think it will count as a late diagnosis/manifestation.

@48wheaties, @Theordinary has only just requested an EHCNA, so she won’t have been offered mediation.

Personally, I wouldn’t bother with mediation. I would just get the certificate and submit to SENDIST. LAs use mediation as a delaying tactic. If they are going to concede they will do so regardless of whether you actively partake or just get the certificate.

I feel so sad. My DD has spent the entire day in her room. So anxious and low that she couldn't even come out to say hello to her grandparents. She hasn't seen them since Christmas. I just want to cry. I just wish things could go back to how they used to be.

@Theordinary
I know it's hard. Better times will come. We must stay hopeful.
Something my therapist told me when I spoke to her about my DD being in bed all day and all night and on the phone.
"She is healing and give her the time to do that".
It doesn't always help me but I say it to myself over and over again.
When they are ready, they will be out in the world again just like they used to.
As heartbreaking as it is, hang in there.
One more day of her isolating herself is done and over.
That's the way I look at it to stay sane

Xx

@Theordinary Just sending you a big hug. I'm sorry to hear that dd is having a bad day. I think everyone on this thread can relate to days like this.

Thank you both. I've been OK all day, it just hit me all of a sudden. Got to keep hopeful for better days. She's increasing her fluoxetine dose tonight after psychiatrist appointment yesterday. We've got a way to go.

That quote is very helpful @DarkChocHolic

I am counting the days until our formal ADHD diagnosis appointment. Probably not the right attitude but feel that will be another thing done and then we can try medication.

Sorry to hear this. Went through this with my son. Hang in there and as you say, tick off another day towards her healing. We are all here to support you.

@Theordinary hope DD is ok with the upping of meds.
Ordinary, Hope the hearing is over and went OK!

Hope everyone is coping this week

Xx

@Okisenough the message about the hearing was for you.
Somehow not able to tag more than 1 person at a time. Neither can I edit on phone

@DarkChocHolic wasn't me who had the hearing!

Hope everyone is ok, and had a calm week whether in or out of school. Mocks are finished for us, thank goodness and she's going to have a long weekend to rest.

@Okisenough
Sorry..clearly not with it on remembering who had the hearing.
Glad mocks are over and you all can rest over the weekend.

We had a up and down week. Luckily the reduced timetable meant dd atleast went in for an hour or two.
But she is really struggling with friendships as she feels everyone is moving on, making plans and she isn't on them. Not deliberate I am sure but still it really upsets her.
Especially as she is only staying on at school to avoid being socially isolated.
I feel so much for her. Friendships have always been such a hard thing since reception. I know I cannot help in any way except validate how she feels.

Wishing everyone a calm Friday. Weekend is almost here.
Xx

@DarkChocHolic It was me who had the hearing- I was very nervous but I think it went well, judge didn't seem impressed with LA.
Now are now waiting for tribunal decision.
( ps I have similar issues posting on my phone!)

@Theordinary.
Darkchocs advice upthread was really insightful.
I hope things are a bit better this week.

I'm glad it's Friday too.

@stilllivinginazoo
How are you my lovely?
Hope everything's good with you and your DC.

@Runnerduck34
Fingers crossed for positive outcome. You had so much work put into the whole thing.

Xx

@Runnerduck34 I have my fingers crossed too for a positive outcome and well done for getting through it.

@DarkChocHolic don't worry I'm the same. Perimenopause/menopause is not helping. I totally relate to the friendship element, it is a worry but also there isn't much you can do to help apart from as you say listen.