Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

@DarkChocHolic we suffered with the friendship thing. Last year DD refused to go to lunch so was rarely seeing people, as well as not going to lessons.
Now she goes to some lessons and all lunch/break if she is there so things have improved. Some still make comment about her never being in etc which upsets her. It’s because they are also struggling as school and don’t see it as fair that she gets to go home or not come in.

we’re back after half term. It’s always a struggle and she refused to go in 2 days and only went in much less than she was meant to on the others. However school have had a lot of new staff starting and she has been allocated a 1:1 for one tricky period. The TA also suggested she can do other times with her, this will make a difference im sure. She met her today and it’s really cheered her up.

How is everyone?

DC now has the official diagnosis of ADHD. I am waiting for the full report but they have got a prescription for meds. Will be interesting to see if it helps. My only concern is DC seems to think meds will make a huge difference, it might but also it might not! The psychiatrist did point this out and I am trying to keep expectations low.

@Okisenough
Glad you have a diagnosis and prescription!
Fingers crossed the meds work.
What gave you been prescribed?
I so know what you mean about being hopeful.

DD is the same. I am wary after fluoxetine not doing anything.
But to be fair we need to try a few to find the right meds and we have held way too long for the adhd to be ruled out.
We still have no prescription despite the diagnosis mid Feb. The private psychiatrist took 2 weeks for report and now struggling to get camhs appointment.
I tell myself, its a marathon and I have to be patient...
But as each day goes by with DD just in bed staring away, I despair.

Hope everyone else is doing OK.
Xx

Hello everyone, I've spent this afternoon reading through this thread and I definitely feel less alone. DS is 13 and so unhappy, he's recently been diagnosed ASD/ADHD (inattentive) and getting him to school is a battle (attendance hovering around 70%).

@DarkChocHolic we have been prescribed methylphenidate and have a review in a month. To be honest there is part of me that is really hopeful too that it will make a difference. I feel like I am holding my breath all the time and would love to exhale! I will let you know how we get on.

@HarrietWorries welcome to the thread. We are a friendly and supportive bunch. My dc is coming to the end of their schooling and the last two years, we averaged 67-70% attendance. I have to say that I don't fight it, if they feel too exhausted or unable to go in, I just let them stay home.

Thanks for the welcome. I'm at the stage where I don't try as desperately as I used to to get him to go in, but still have to really push him harder than I'd like because his school are awful and constantly threatening us with fines etc. It's a big worry and even though he was formally labelled EBSA, and diagnosed anxiety disorder, school just do not let up on us at all.

@HarrietWorries
Welcome and sorry you are here!
A lot of us on this thread relate to the school struggle and the anxiety we as parents feel every morning.
I cannot wait for the easter break!
It's a shame your school have been so uncaring. There are some very knowledgeable posters on this thread who can guide you to the right kind of support to deal with school.
Which year is your son in?

Thanks for the welcome to the club none of us want to be in!

He's in year 9.

How is everyone?

We've had some good news and had positive tribunal decision. DD has been awarded extra provision in her EHCP/ EOTAS package- just need to get LA to pay for it - which will I think will be another fight :(
But wording is pretty tight- or should be once LA issue amended EHCP.
Tribunal rejected our request for resources and exam provision to be included as they said its not above and beyond what should be provided- which maybe true but my LA are pretty awful.
But we got the main things- so pleased overall.
Hope your tribunal goes well too @1spinforward2back

@okisenough
Really hope the medication makes a difference. Sometimes it can make things worse before they get better and getting right dose/ right meds is a long journey. Hang in there!

Welcome @harrietworries
It's incredibly tough when your child is unhappy and struggles to attend school.
Have you applied for an EHCP?

Welcome @HarrietWorries. I second requesting an EHCNA and also alternative provision if DS can’t attend school full-time. You should check how DS’s absences are being recorded. They should be authorised and coded as I, but I suspect they aren’t. As difficult as it is try not to worry about fines. It is scare tactics.

@Okisenough I hope the meds help. is right. Try not to be disheartened if the first ones don’t help. Finding the right one and right dose takes time.

@Runnerduck34 hurrah. Well done. Although I think it is worth getting someone to look over the decision because resources and exam provision can be SEP. Tribunals do err. Ours went well, thanks. Still waiting for the outcome but the hearing went well.

@Runnerduck34 that's great news

And thanks everyone. Will let you know how we get on.

@Runnerduck34
I am really pleased to hear the good news!

Thank you! @darkchocholic
@okisenough

@1spinforward2back
Pleased yourself went well too!
who would I get to look over the decision??
The decision also " encourages" the LA to identify a named programme coordinator .
Well my LA will need another more than " encouragement "!
Someone from a group I'm on recommend going back to tribunal and asking them to include a named programme cordinator within EHCP wording- are we able to do this??
Sorry to be picking your brains again..
I hope you get your decision soon.

My pp should have said Runner is right. No idea where the tag disappeared to.

@Runnerduck34 EOTAS oversight can also be in F. Your best bet is speaking to a solicitor, IPSEA or SOSSEN. Without knowing more about the decision it is difficult to know whether you have a case. There are 3 ways of challenging a decision. 1) asking SENDIST to review the decision - normally for when there has been a significant change of circumstances. Wouldn’t apply to you. 2) Asking for the decision to be set aside e.g. when there has been a significant procedural error and it is in the best interest of justice to set the decision aside. Wouldn’t apply to you. 3) Appeal - firstly to the FTT but if needed ultimately to the UT. This is where I wonder whether you have a case because resources, exam arrangements, package oversight can all be in F, but it will depend on the specifics of your case/decision (and, understandably, whether you can face it).

Thanks Spin- tbh I'm not sure I can face it!
I know it will mean I will have pay for resources myself.
I was a bit surprised as I know others have it.
I tried to give emamples as type of resources, stem boxes, art materials , mock papers, text books, field trips etc because LA said that "resources normally available within school" was too vague- then when I added detail tribunal said it was too prescriptive and should be normally provided anyway!
Re exams judge said its not the LAs responsibility to arrange exams and that access arrangements are down to exams board?!
Did wonder if they are trying to look balanced by not agreeing to everything ? Who knows, there probably is inconsistency in tribunal decisions.

there probably is inconsistency in tribunal decisions.

Unfortunately, yes. Becoming more common, I think.

Re exams judge said it’s not the LAs responsibility to arrange exams and that access arrangements are down to exams board?!

Listing specific resources is quite detailed. Most have a budget for resources/enrichment/sundries rather than listing specific text books etc. Arranging exams is the LA’s job. EAA are governed by JCQ guidance but they can (and IMO should) be included in F too. If you feel able I would be interested to know who the Judge was, but appreciate you may not want to share that.

DS1 has MEL science boxes which are brilliant btw.

I'm out at the moment skip but will PM you later.
A bit annoyed about resources as added detail as during working document process as LA said it was too vague. Was doing it all by myself so not an expert- case of dammed if you dammed if you don't! - I wouldn't have objected to tribunal amending wording. Resources were only discussed for about 30 seconds at hearing.
I was a bit surprised about rationale re exams.

Thanks for the welcomes. He doesn't have an EHCP as school told me he didn't need one and I believed it. But I'm going to apply for one now as the senco left and the new one is really being quite resistant to helping ds.

@HarrietWorries Definitely apply for an EHCP- our senco was also a bit dismissive saying "the time wasnt right" or "we would be unlikely to get it" but we did get it! I used the template letter from the IPSEA website and emailed to LA- rather than filling out their online form to apply which is quite limiting .

We’ve had an okay week which always culminates in a massive meltdown though.
today it was all about the pressures of GCSEs and failing and not being able to go to sixth form. Not wanting to do exams. Not wanting to go places with strangers (work experience placements). About 3 hours worth. Totally exhausted.

@MinionKevin I am glad your dd had an okay week and I relate to the big meltdown when it all gets too much. Yes it is exhausting and I hope you can find a little time to just breathe and reset your own emotions. I know there have been times when it has really worn me down. I take comfort that at least dc feels better afterwards!

@Okisenough thanks. We regularly have one on a Saturday, actually since she was small. Today was a big one. She’s fine now of course!

@MinionKevin
Hope things are better with you after the meltdown. I recognise the DC always feel better but we feel shattered.

How is everyone doing?
We have had many downward spirals past few days. Had to call out crisis team for emergency support as DD was feeling suicidal.
Had a psychiatrist appt today with camhs.
We have come back with a prescription for stimulant medication ADD.
She has also decided to change antidepressant from fluoxetine to sertraline on DDs insistence
I am very wary of changing AD and adding adhd medication at the same time.
Just bracing myself for a difficult period.
Atleast we have a follow up review in 2 weeks so hopefully she will be monitored.

Hope everyone has had a calm week.
Weekend almost upon us.

Xx

@MinionKevin the cycle of a good week or day followed by meltdown or complete withdrawal is an established cycle here too. We are learning to try pace her demands to avoid overload but it's not always possible.
@Darkchocholic I hope the new medication is successful- finger crossed.
DD transitioned from setraline to fluxotine - so other way round and it went more smoothly than I feared . I hope your DDs transition is OK too.
Roll on weekend!!!

@Okisenough
How is DD getting on with the adhd medication?
Xx