Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

They've phoned back, but we've done what they suggested already.

They said to phone back if she has another episode tonight

I'm contacting the dr surgery first thing

Hope she manages to sleep and you do too.
I am sorry you are going through this.
When we were at our lowest and had episodes like this (mainly evenings), a bath would calm DD. We also used to give her promethazine (phenegran) which is available over the counter.
We were advised to do this by camhs.
This would.make her sleepy and she would just nod off.
Ask the GP about this tomorrow.
You need something to help until you are seen by the right people.
Does she know what is causing her the distress?
Sometimes they don't and that's ok.
Just sit with her in silence if she doesn't want to talk about it.
Reassure her you are there, she will get through this and there will be help. That's all they want to hear at times like this.
Big hugs. It's bloody hard.
Xx

You're so kind, thank you

We are currently watching episodes of modern family which is a very funny show

I'm trying to push fluids atm

Great shout on the phenergan...I've got some here

I'll give her one tonight

i haven’t posted for ages. We are still plodding on. It always feels like 2 steps forward and 1 back.
I had a second letter from attendance recently unfortunately. DD does go in but just not enough but we have been struggling with a health issue which seems to have righted itself. We have not yet managed a 5 day week which I am desperate to crack.
Even if she goes in and has an amazing day she can still refuse the next. It’s just the not knowing all the time.
The positive is she only had a minor meltdown on Christmas Day and then was super the rest of it. Not been like that for years. She’s coming out for dinner tomorrow too. And talking about having some friends round. All of that was inconceivable a few years ago.
She is a bit bored but that’s because her friends don’t want to do much and there’s so few places for them to go these days. Town is depressing.
I still wake up scared most days as I don’t know which way it will go, I’d love a period of time where she went in regularly, just for her short days.
She has a particular issue with first days back but she needs to see a teacher that day so hoping that makes a difference.

@MinionKevin
The backwards and forwards is indeed the hardest part.
Somehow being in the trenches is easier.
A full day of school does knock my DD out especially if it is a good day and she has done a lot
School should be supporting you and not just sending you attendance emails. I would email them and ask what they could do to help rather than sending these emails.
DD has as low as 40 percent last year and we still didn't get any emails. They were all authorised as her being unwell.
I also notice boredom triggers low mood in DD. She likes to be with friends but they don't do much together. Thankfully she has a small job but when she isn't working or at college, a lot of time is just spent in bed..doing nothing. Which is fine by me if it didn't ultimately lead to low mood but sadly it does.

@destiel00
Hope you got some sleep and today is better

Thank you

She slept very well.ladt night (I didn't 😔) and I actually had to rouse her for the Dr's appointment at 10am...

It went OK. I think. Dr is going to do a private referral letter, and I've already had one response from a therapist, so 🤞

Dr has also suggested staying on the phenergan for a week so thank you so much for that suggestion 💙

I'm utterly exhausted.

Dh is decorating downstairs and I could cry 😢 everything is in such a mess

Sigh.

I think I might have a nap

@destiel00 I hope you manage that nap. I would pretty much agree with all the advice you have been given by others. We all do understand and have been through similar experiences. And things can and do get better once you find the right help. Good luck with the therapist.

@MinionKevin yes the ups and downs are so hard and I try very much to remind myself that this journey is not a linear one. I think we are all pretty stressed and burnt out by what we have and are dealing with so a backward step is very terrifying and dashes our hopes. Things are so much better here but those setbacks hit hard and leave me in a spin. Dinner and having friends round are all really positive steps.

@DarkChocHolic hope you and family are well and had a lovely Christmas.

To everyone on this thread whether you post or just lurk, wishing you a wonderful new year. Hope 2025 brings every one of us hope, respite and recovery.

@Okisenough
Thank you. Christmas was relaxed and lovely.
Hope yours was too? Is DD back from uni for the holidays?

I am hoping 2025 is slightly better than the crap year we had..last year on new Year's Day we were on the phone to the police because of DD gone missing. Anything would be better than that for this year I should think.
The trauma just makes it so hard to relax doesn't it

Happy new year everyone x

@DarkChocHolic yes she's back and it's nice to have her. Christmas was largely a calm affair.

I am hoping 2025 will continue to see my dd coping better with everything, learning to find ways to regulate her life and becoming more independent. We are getting there, one small step at a time. For myself, I am hoping to find more pockets of peace, my hair has more greys than my mum! My mum often points it out but I don't share with her what's going on with dd as I think it would really upset her and I can't deal with that as well so better to just keep it to myself.

@DarkChocHolic school have taken the new absence guidance a bit seriously. It’s another stress we don’t need. I only spoke to them once when they told me to put an attendance in the bin as it didn’t count for us. The government are making it worse not better with children like ber.

Yes it’s a hard balance between doing stuff and not doing stuff. What that balance is I’ll never know.

Been for a long walk today, then out for lunch.
Done some cooking this afternoon together.
Dd seems calmer and happier today.
Dds new weighted blanket has arrived so hopefully that will help tonight...
I've also started her on magnesium supplements, because, they can't hurt, right? :)
Wishing you all a peaceful 2025 x

Well, another blip last night.
Not too bad.
Dd was quiet today, but got her art esa today, so is really keen to get started with that. Nice to see her enthusiastic about it.
Sorted the bupa, so I just need to find a cbt practitioner now.
I got no sleep again last night. Feel awful. Eldest dd away atm visiting her bf but will be back tomorrow. Dds get on well. Eldest taking dd to the gym for a trial on Saturday. Dd has friends that go so maybe that might help?
Or maybe I'm just clutching at staws?
Anyone else got dc doing their gcses this year?
I forsee a very stressful time ahead!
😵‍💫

@destiel00 I am sorry to hear that you had a blip yesterday. I have been through both GCSEs and A-levels with my dc, and with my dc's issues, it was an incredibly difficult time. You can probably read it in these threads or the previous one. I try not to dwell on it now we are on the otherside and that's my point with support and taking each day at a time, you will both get through it! I think everything is worth a try, exercise definitely helps, some things will see progress and other things will be a complete waste of time/money, it's a process for sure. My dc is now at University, things are much better but it's still up and down and not plain sailing, however, there are more ups than downs which is something I would not even have dared hope for a few years back.

Thank you x I'm sorry to hear your dd had such a hard time.
I'm still awake, listening for dd :(
My eldest dd has already been through gcses/a levels and uni so it all feels a bit like groundhog day :)
Another post 16 evening to go to in a couple of weeks. She's been to 3 she didn't like and has a 1st choice decided.
It feels like yesterday I was doing this with dd1!
Right, I'm going to try and sleep x

@destiel00
I agree on the exercise.
If DD would be happy to go to gym with sis or her friends that would help so much with her MH.
Any hobby helps take the mind off. This is the bit I struggle with the most with DD.

Yes, it's helped elder dd, too
Dd said she woke up a few times last night, but went back to sleep.
I was asleep, then my mum decided to phone me at 7.30am :(
Between her and dd, I'm struggling:(
I'm hoping back to school next week will help re: sleep and routine

Dd has got a virtual initial chat with a cbt practitioner on Monday.

She's happy doing her art work atm but then gets very cross when it doesn't turn out like she wants 🙄

It'll be interesting to see what she makes of the gym!

Well, up again with dd
I'm so exhausted, as is she
How do I get her some anti anxiety meds?
This is just untenable
Tonight we watched wicked and that seems to have sparked this episode
There just seems no rhyme or reason to it

How on earth will cbt help if she doesn't know what's wrong?

@destiel00
Sorry to hear you and DD have had a bad night.
Not having sleep absolutely sucks.
I'm afraid it's very normal for them to not know what's wrong
My DD still answers with "I don't know" to most things
Something I have learnt the very long and hard way that she genuinely doesn't know what's triggering her and making her depressed or anxious.
It's something her family therapist told us. She doesn't know and even if she did she cannot articulate. For mine it's most likely her autism that makes it hard for her to realise and verbalise. Not saying it's the same for your DD but something to keep in mind.
Also, even if you do get anti anxiety medication, it's a long game. Medication takes ages to get to the right dose and doesn't always work the first time.
We are somewhat semi-stable in our MH journey and that's after a year of medication.
Your DD needs time and reassurance.
You need a way to share these night sessions with her dad if possible.
Staying up every night will make you miserable and you won't have the headspace for being patient and calm with her.
My DH sadly started sleeping in the box room next to DDs last year and still does most nights.
She will sometimes go and wake him up and he will sit with her until she calms down.
Luckily her sleep is much better if anything she sleeps too much.
But last year this time we had intertupted nights. Nights are when the mind is most anxious so it's normal for them to panick and have anxiety.
I hope you get some rest tonight. Have a nap if you need to. Give yourself permission to take an hour for you.
Big hugs..keep venting here.
Xx

Morning.
Her dad already sleeps separately to me due to his horrific snoring. He never, ever wakes up.
I've never known such a deep sleeper. He has slept through earthquakes.
I just feel ill with it all. I felt quite angry with her last night, which is unforgivable.
Dd feels very, very sick with her anxiety and shakes and has stomach pain.
Tiredness is a huge trigger.
We had a lovely Xmas, then this.
I feel pretty bleak this morning.

Just had a shower.
Feel like an utter failure. I'm sad, angry, tired, confused...
Every single thing I've read about teen anxiety says we are doing what we should be doing and yet she's getting worse
I've just been horrible to elder dd.
Sigh.

@destiel00
Big hugs....it's totally normal to feel all those emotions. Especially anger and disappointment
I had DBT along with DD and they explained it is normal to feel all of those.
You are angry at how things have turned out, disappointed to have lost out on what was originally planned.
I still get very angry at DD when she says no to anything I suggest such as cooking with me, doing some colouring to be mindful, simple walk etc.
Even 2 days ago when she was low on the evening all these suggestions from me were batted away..I got angry and said everything is a no from you and I cannot help you.
Thankfully I calmed down and was able to distract her with something else and it didn't end in a emotional outrage from both of us.
Staying calm and patient with them is undoubtedly the hardest thing for us.
We cannot fix this...we just have to give them time to figure it out and they will.
DD is so much better at snapping out of these moods compared to last January when she told her social worker she wanted to leave home and go to foster care
Have hope that things do change.
Can you take yourself away from her for an hour for a coffee and cake with someone?
Xx