Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

Hello all, hope everything is OK with you all. I must admit I've just not had time to catch up with all the recent threads. Just an update here. The next installment in our EHCP adventure is that The LA have decided to turn it down at the assessment stage. As in they are not going to carry out the assessment at all! As far as I understand this is common stalling and delaying tactics they use to avoid or delay giving much needed support. My question to anyone who might know more than me is, do we do mediation or just go straight to tribunal? I just spoke to the (private) mediation company the council use and they have strongly advised to do mediation as the wait time for tribunal is up to one year. I'm thinking, they would say that wouldn't they?! It's in their interests I guess. Any advice? Thanks.

@Theordinary sorry to hear that. Refusal to assess appeals are heard on the papers unless there is a specific reason it needs to be an oral hearing so although there will be a wait, a year is unlikely. LAs often use mediation as a delaying tactic. More people are doing it with the waits. The downside is if it isn’t successful you have wasted time getting an appeal in and it will be a longer wait overall. If they are going to concede, they will do so whether you actively partake in mediation or just get the certificate. If you do go through with mediation, make sure the LA sends a decision maker. They should, but they don’t always.

Just dropping in to say we are seeing small glimpses of improvement after two weeks on anxiety meds. DD has coped with two things this week that a month ago wouldn’t leave the house to do. The dose goes up tomorrow so I hope we don’t get side effects and it stays positive. The GP has at the moment rejected a shared care agreement with the private provider sadly. So we may have to change GPs if it continues.

@Autumn00Storms glad to hear about the meds helping. It is annoying about the GP rejecting shared care. GPs often don't consider shared care until the medication levels are stable so try again once your DD is settled on a dosage.

Just dropping in and catching up with the thread

Autumn storms that's so positive you can see improvement 😊 ime it does take a while to get dose and medication right, sometimes you think it's right then inexplicably it stops working and needs adjusting.
so you may need to see psychiatrist - are you seeing someone privately? I know how expensive that is, if so they should be able to send prescription to GP so they can write an NHS prescription so at least you get the medication for free even if you still need to pay for a appointment with private psychiatrist.

@theordinary
Sorry to hear about the refusal to assess.
It's always hard to decide the best most effective route. We just asked for a certificate and went straight to appeal as we were advised mediation wasted time but it maybe different in your LA.
Appeal wait times are a disgrace. You can phone the tribunal service and ask for estimated hearing date for refusal to assess.
Also might be able to find out locally if mediation has a good success rate in your area. People often do FOI requests for this kind of thing if one has been submitted should be published on your LAs website or a local support group /charity may have a feel for it by word of mouth.

We are muddling along here.
We have been told DDs EHCP won't be amended after last months AR but they are still saying they want to review it again in January....
So I'm really pleased no amendments atm but I can't truly relax as we only have certainity for 3 months before we repeat process again.
DD sat her English GCSE last week and did brilliantly! Went in on time, answered all questions, used her extra time:) of course don't know the result yet but really happy she managed it so well.
This week she has been very anxious and had low mood overall, she hates taking meds, she hates her body, she's put on weight since being on meds and has a big appetite for the wrong foods which is hard to curtail.
she's now worried this will be her life forever, she gets cross when her anxiety is so high, her heart is racing and she feels she can't get out of bed and do lessons.
Of course I reassure her but part of me also wonders if this is as good as it gets.

@Runnerduck34 amazing to hear DD managed to sit GCSE English. Well done.

For FOI requests, have you heard of What Do They Know? It shows the responses to ones that have been submitted via the What Do They Know website.

@Autumn00Storms the GP might reconsider shared care once DD is stable on the medication.

So pleased that dd went out with friends for a full day yesterday. She had struggled with social anxiety for a few years and She has wanted this sort of experience for such a long time and it sounds like it went ok. She says there were a couple of times when she felt a bit ‘pushed out’ and excluded and wandered off by herself. She knows that wasn’t the best way of dealing with it but I suppose she was a bit overwhelmed. I said that this is usual when there is s big group shopping all together (about 6 in the group). Her friends aren’t aware that she struggles as she tries to mask and hates to show her vulnerable side. I suggested she send a message to say how much she had enjoyed the day and to let them know that she felt a bit overwhelmed at times. One of the people she is closest to messaged her to check she was ok as well which is really encouraging.
she says she did message and everyone in the group was really nice… just hope that they are willing to do this sort of thing again and include my dd. She is fine 1-1 but really wants to experience being in a big social group.
I can feel my own anxiety escalate wondering if she’s spoilt her relationship with the group. Her behaviour sometimes confuses and annoys me and I’m her mum who loves her deeply. I feel really awful saying that- sorry 😢
I’m not mentioning anything about the issue today but part of me is dying to know if anyone has messaged her!

I hope everyone and their dcs are doing well and not too cold.

@Runnerduck34 great to hear about English GCSE

@Roodledoodle83 pleased to hear you dd had a day out with friends and glad to hear they seem like a nice bunch. Hope your own anxiety has subsided. It is hard not to worry about them but ultimately all you can do is send them out and hope for the best.

Here things are still going quite well. DD seems to be doing well & enjoying her course and has made friends. Things are not perfect but she's coping well most of the time. I feel relieved. I have my fingers crossed that things will continue to go smoothly.

May we all have a good next few weeks as we enter the countdown to Xmas.

@Roodledoodle83 i hope DDs friends do amessage, it was a courageous thing to do, personally I hate big groups much prefer meeting up with just or two friends.
But it's so important for teenagers to fit in it's painful.
They sound a nice group so hopefully will be understanding.
@Okisenough sounds very positive, there will always be a some bumps but fingers crossed the good days outnumber the bad.

My news is that DD has a boyfriend, very very earlier days but she seems happy if completely socially drained between meetings . He is obviously autistic too, same age as her, seems nice enough. She is a bit vulnerable /immature so I'm a bit concerned about her maintaining boundaries making sensible choices. Had a bit of a chat today with her but am concerned as she is very impulsive.
Coincidentally one of the professionals working with her said at a meeting this week that they had assessed her of having the emotional maturity of between 11-13 years of age (I think mainly based on being accepting other
people's different points of view)
Clearly she wants to be just like her peers ( she's 17) but having a boyfriend /socialising is using up all of her "spoons" so even if she only mets him for an hour after lessons the next day she is exhausted and will struggle to get up and go to tuition centre.

@Runnerduck34 how is your dd coping with a boyfriend? I think we discussed on this thread before about NDs taking longer than peers to mature. It is a worry but at the same time you want them to have these experiences. Currently, my dc is not interested in having any sort of relationship, I am undecided about whether that's a good or bad thing! I guess either way it's not up to me.

I hope everyone is well. Now things are a bit calmer in my life, I feel burnt out, drained and a bit lost! I know I will be ok. This is just a culmination of all the years of stress, worry and built-up emotions but I wish it had hit me in the new year rather than just before Xmas. I have no Xmas spirit and feel like I am having to pretend to enjoy the Xmas festivities when what I want to do is hibernate.

@okisenough
Exactly that! Its nice to see DD having a more " normal" life and doing things the same things as her peers but at the same time it is a worry and clearly shes exhausted by it all but seems happy.
I think it helps he is also autistic so similar maturity.

I hope you get to hibernate and rest over Xmas.
And pleased everything is calmer.
You've probably been on high alert for years now and now you can let your guard down slightly the exhaustion has probably hit.
It's still early December so plenty of time to get in Xmas spirit.
I'm at the panic stage of omg it's December I need to get a wiggle on and get more organised.

How is everyone else?

I definitely feel like hibernating I’ve been running on high stress mode it feels like for too long. I’m good at using exercise to regulate my associated anxiety but I’m tired in my core & would dearly love to have a break from just being THE main support person sigh. DD is doing much better on the meds after a month she’s re-balancing herself more and seems a lot happier leaving the house now. It’s never linear progress but definitely going in the right direction at the moment (I hope). I’m like you it sounds like as I can always keep going under crisis but I’m really in need of recharge time now. I’ve got 2weeks off work over Xmas so I’m hanging on for that as a tiny break from one mental demand.

Just popping on here to wish everyone a very happy and calm Christmas. x

Hoping 2025 brings us progress and lots of moments of peace & laughter!

You too @Okisenough hope everyone can have a break and it’s not too overwhelming for our anxious folk. We try to keep things low key as are all ND but it’s never easy juggling wider family expectations.

Merry Christmas everyone.
Hope everyone can have a restful break at what can be a stressful time of the year.
Xx

Merry Christmas Everyone, hope you have all had a good Xmas day and have had a chance to put your feet up and relax xxx

Can I ask...
Is there any hope for treatment for a 16 year old with anxiety/panic attacks?
Another night of retching, shaking and pounding heart for my dc
I just don't know what to do :(
I feel an utterly failure of a parent
This dc has always been sensitive and anxious but since puberty it's got worse
This is the 2nd night in a row
Going to see if I can get a GP appointment on Monday but don't have high hopes
Is there a private option for anxious teens?
Thank you for any help you can give me x

Should have given more info...
Dc y11
Gcses next year
Lots of anxiety about the future
Very sensitive so very scared/upset about today state of the world

@destiel00 about to head out but just quickly wanted to say that you are not failing as a parent. And there is hope. Make sure the GP understands the seriousness of the situation. I will try and pop on later and hopefully some others will come along to offer some advice.

@destiel00
So sorry to hear about your DD and her struggles.
Welcome to the club no one wants to be part of.
Please don't beat yourself up. No one can be prepared for poor mental health and these things happen despite us doing everything "right" we can.
Hope the GP is helpful.
Go with a list of physical and emotional symptoms.
It is unusual for GP to prescribe medication for this age group but they may suggest counselling. I think it is called early years help. It is a tier of counselling that is below camhs.
Is your DD open to receiving help?
The other option is to talk to her school and see if there is any help available there. Is there a breakout room for her to go to when she is overwhelmed? Can they offer time out from lessons? Any possibility of reduced timetable etc. also have a look at young minds website for tips to deal with anxiety like breathing, having a worry box, self soothe strategies and so on.
It is a long journey when our kids struggle but eventually things fall into place. We as parents learn how to deal with it and how to help them.
You are not alone.
Please feel free to vent here.
All of us go through similar issues and are quite supportive.
Xx

And to answer your question on private yes it is available.
We went private with DDs ADHD diagnosis and it was well worth it.
Check with your local private hospitals or the priory.
And make sure your GP will be open to accepting medication that private doctors prescribe.
DD was under camhs who readily accepted private diagnosis and started medication.
Private also have waiting lists unfortunately. Would something like rescue remedy or calm help in the meantime.
DD finds those helpful for anxiety.
Even if they don't help, they don't have any nasty side effects.
I am not against medication. DD is on a cocktail of psychiatric medication which seems to be keeping her stable compared to previous years. However, they do have side effects which you have to carefully consider.
Xx

Thank you both. So much x

Had a bad night. Dd awake on and off. But she did get some sleep.

I'm going to contact the GP tomorrow. I've discovered that where I live, you can self refer to cbt/counselling services, so we've done that. It links to an app that dd has downloaded with tips and activities and music, etc, to listen to.

We have bupa cover, so I'm going to email a few bupa registered psychotherapists and cbt practitioners to see if dd can be seen asap.

Unfortunately, dd went a year ago to the gp who was supposed to do a camhs referral but didn't do it 🤬 hence me not having much faith.

Dd has always been an anxious child. Over the years, I've got her grief counselling, play therapy, separation anxiety counselling...

School is OK. She has some trusted adults she talks to and a hall pass. I need to make sure the EA is set up, though.

I'll need to let them know she's spiralled again.

My mum used to have awful panic attacks when I was a child, and she would beg me to call an ambulance because she thought she was dying. She used to vomit, too.

I just feel totally defeated. Everytime I think she's doing better, I'm wrong.

If you met her, you would never believe she was an anxious person. She performs in shows! (Which I couldn't do...)

She's in the shower atm and is then going on a walk.

We were supposed to meet friends today about an hour away but...yeah. That's not happening 😔

I feel dreadful. Two nights of disturbed/no sleep.

Sorry, just babbling now...

Oh, Kalms! I forgot about those...I might get some.

I feel like I should have been more proactive but she does have periods where she is pretty stable...

Sigh. I dunno

Dd really struggling :(

Called 111 - on hold for 40 mins. Case being referred to camhs. Doubt I'll hear anything today.

@destiel00
Can you take her to A&E?
There can be sometimes someone from mental health there