Parents and carers of anxious teens(part 7)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Goodness,seventh thread!
Welcome back to those who have been on board with me since the days DS was first struggling,and hello to new faces

This thread is for those who care for anxious teens.some of us have diagnosis of ASD/anxiety/depression,others are encountering and navigating escalating symptoms that are starting to prove troublesome

This is a safe,non judgemental space to share ideas,offload worries and provide support and kind words for those deep in the trenches

We get how utterly exhausting it can be and are not afraid to celebrate the small wins that in regular circles would be deemed as insignificant as participating in "normal activities"

Thanks for creating new one @Stilllivinginazoo

Thanks for new thread zoo and for the link darkchocholic.
Welcome @pocketsand, glad you found us.
Zoo-My DDs are also very keen to see the new studio ghibli film!

Thanks @Stilllivinginazoo and welcome @pocketsand to our little corner of mumsnet, I have found this thread helpful for my own sanity and emotional balance. So far the holidays have been okay for us. Just a few family events so its been largely quiet. Also having my other dc home has helped to make things calmer. We've been able to talk through some things and my dd has agreed to see a psychologist to see if there is a diagnosis there, possibly ADHD or ASD. Now I just have to try and sort it out! Much love and support to you all as 2023 draws to an end.

please may I join
I am looking for support / camaraderie as we go through year 11 GCSE’s with a very anxious DD
thanks

Welcome bumdrops
My youngest(known as lil zoo) is in year 11 and diagnosed ASD and extreme social anxiety is also struggling

Ok great news dd has agreed to see psychologist.im pleased having other dc home has increased the sense of calm for you

runner they enjoyed the film
Dark choc thanks for linking old to new threads x

Thank you for the welcome Zoo !
my dd is on propanolol for anxiety / panic
it’s taken the edge of the issue but we are
still very much struggling

Welcome @Bumdrops
Sorry to hear about your DD.
Y11 is a hard one for the normal of teens. Throw in mental health and it just tips some off completely.
My DD is in Y12 but her problems were accentuated by the GCSE stresses.

Are school aware and is any help being offered?
Xx

Thank you for the new thread Zoo and happy belated birthday to DS.

Welcome Pocketsand. Are you and DS receiving any support? Is he receiving any therapeutic support, and does DS have an EHCP?

Welcome Bumdrops*. Is DD receiving any support?

Runner does DD get transport? Some of DS1’s provision continues in the holidays too.

We have had a mostly OK week.

Thanks for the warm welcome
DD has been under pastoral support at school for a few years
she was referred to teen health but did not reach threshold
shes under private therapist and is prescribed propanolol by GP
anxiety / panic is escalating as we get closer to exams, and she’s just been referred to Cahms in last few weeks
thanks

@Bumdrops other than being under the pastoral team at school, what support is the school providing? Does DD get any access arrangements for exams?

@1spinforward2back She is allowed to be in a quiet area for mocks and exams and has rest breaks
she’s been practising having class tests in this area to get used to it, as she has found it unsettling as she fears upsetting / disturbing the teens that are also there for their own needs, when she starts hyperventilating and crying with overwhelm

Thanks @Stilllivinginazoo for setting up new thread - I haven't posted much recently but still check in.

Glad to hear Christmas going ok for most and completely understand back-to-school anxiety starting.

Runner - hope you are fully better after Covid.

Hello to all newer people - life with an anxious teen is hard.

DD2 appears to be enjoying holidays and spent Christmas Day and Boxing Day downstairs joining in - DD1 being home from university is a huge incentive for this. I think social exhaustion may be setting in now and I anticipate DD2 reverting to spending time "recharging" alone in her room again soon. To be honest she coped much better/was far more social than I expected and it has been lovely to see so much of her.

muddlingalways lovely when things go better than anticipated and I always feel less stressed by the "need quiet time to recharge" after they've achieved a big thing socially

Hello everyone I’ve been on and off here a few times but I have a now 19 yo DD (won’t qualify as a teen soon) she has severe anxiety depression and OCD. She has been housebound for the past 2 years. She was let down very badly by CAMHs and when she was supposed to be transferred to Adult Mental Health Services. This led to her refusing to seek any help for over a year and I didn’t blame her.

I finally convinced her to see a lovely female GP (she had had a rough time with older male locum GPs and phone appts during the pandemic) who initiated a Care Package for her. She now has a Care Plan in place with a CPN visiting weekly. OT have made visits and she’s about to start psychology visits too, all home visits due to her agoraphobia.

She’s just such a lovely thing who had suffered so much, my own MH isn’t the best and I’m really struggling too and at a loss to help her )I also have health issues, other DC and stress at work. As all of you know the guilt and worry is horrible.

Welcome headache
Goodness you sound like your plate is full!
Is there anyone in real life who you can lean on,or at least vent to?
I'm glad a package is underway for DD,that's one thing on the list that has a way forward

For yourself,mental health foundations are sleep,eating and drinking enough/well,movement(even a short walk or stretching/yoga)and doing things that fill your cup(anything from having some chocolate,a bubble bath,read a bit of a book,a puzzle etc)
Social connection makes a big difference too as humans are social creatures- even a phone call can help us feel less alone.

It can be hard when things are overwhelming to pick where to start for yourself.id say sleep outtrumps anything else,look at how/if you need to tweak anything there then carving even 5 minutes for yourself each day

We are hear to listen and help where we can.you are not alone xxxx

Welcome @headache. Glad you now have support. Have you and DD had social care assessments? Does DD have an EHCP? If not, you should request an EHCNA.

@Bumdrops it sounds like the quieter area is still too large for DD and is adding to DD’s anxiety. Can you speak to school about an individual room? The school should also be providing support other than access arrangements.

@MuddlingThroughWithoutAClue good to ‘see’ you and read your positive update. I hope time to decompress has helped DD2.

Hi @1spinforward2back
yes you are right, the quiet room is too big,
they have agreed to place her at the back, by a door and with a screen for privacy, so I am hoping this will feel like a safer space for her
school said they had so many kids that would benefit from an individual room they don’t have the resources to provide unfortunately

@headache good to hear your DD is finally receiving a care package, I hope it goes well for her

Sadly, the squeaky wheel gets the oil, so I would keep pushing for an individual room. I would also request an EHCNA.

Happy new year everyone!
Hope it's a calm and quiet.

A bit of a rocky start for us.
DD seemed to be managing OK but suddenly things seem to have got worse.
Her mood is really low and she is now showing a lot of anger to me and her dad. This has been going on for the past 3 to 4 days and she has gone to the extent of saying she is going to ask her social worker to place her in foster care.
This has really thrown us. I don't know where this is suddenly coming from..
Yesterday she walked out of the house for a few hours and didn't say where she was going and when she would be back. Turned off location on phone.
We have been told by the crisis teams she must have phone and location on and if she isn't back we need to call police.
She did come back home by 8 and sat with us for a bit and watched TV.
But then stormed off again when she realised I had texted her friends dad asking if she was there. Finally the night ended with a "I hate you"
I am managing to hold it together but I am pretty sure it's going to get worse...
Not sure if it's the anxiety of school..

Sorry for the downer on new year's day!

Happy new year everyone!
Hoping 2024 is a peaceful one for all.

@DarkChocHolic I am sorry to hear about what is going on with DD. I do think they take it out on those they know will love them anyway! Not much consolation I know. I am sending you a hug and offering a hand if you need it.

@Okisenough
Thank you!
Apart from giving her food, medicines and asking her if she needs anything, I just cannot do anything more..anything else she just lashes out..
I just let her sleep in all day today....except waking her up for food and meds.
We have a camhs review this week and hopefully her social worker is back too and we can have a discussion.
It's been a very hard 2 weeks for us...I am sure many families with anxious kids are in the same position.

@DarkChocHolic sorry it is so difficult. At 16, foster care is unlikely. If required, it is more likely to be supported living. Has an EHCNA been requested? With an EHCP you could look at a residential placement.

Although we have had a quiet Xmas holiday, I am keenly aware of a sense of anxiety slowly building as we get closer to school return. It's hard as you don't want them to ruin the time they have left panicking about school but if you try to point this out, it just makes them more anxious. We had one of those moments tonight so am thinking of each of us on this thread as we head into 2024 and a new term.

Happy New Year everyone.
Today is back to work for me and tuition for DD.
Had a sinking feeling last night that we are back on the hamster wheel.
Realised during the holidays just how stressful it is working and caring for DD and juggling her tuition.
We have our EHCP tribunal hearing coming up later in the month and there's a lot going on with my mum who has dementia.
Just want to hid under the duvet!
@Darkchocholic -Im sorry DD is lashing out at you. I doubt she really wants foster care. Teens always lash out at those they love and you are right it's probably anxiety that is leading to this behaviour but doesn't make it any easier to live with. I hope you can get some support once services reopen