To ask for your positive herpes stories (merrrrry Christmas to me)

[ChristmasGutPunch]

I have worried I might have been exposed by arsehole ex for a while but pushed it to back of my mind.

On Wednesday things felt a bit weird down there but I assumed it was my leggings. By Thursday there were numerous bumps. A bit like ingrown hairs but... Too many.

It hurts a bit but only like normal dermatitis. I can't see a doctor until next week but I just know what it is.

Google/Reddit have taken me into a spiral of despair. People with constant outbreaks even when on antiviral regimens. Pills five times a day. Christ.

Can anyone reassure me that it might be ok and something I can just manage?

To be honest the symptoms are fine at the moment (assuming this is as bad as it gets) but my new partner is immunocompromised and I think basically this is going to fuck our relationship. I'll take the antivirals long term but I don't think it's enough to protect him completely.

Worst Christmas in my 45 years on this earth.

OP didn't you say you were going on the morning of the 28th upthread? (I checked because I couldn't remember whether you'd been or not yet).
Are you putting it off?

I went and they said it was too late to swab but from what I said it definitely sounded like it (I'd started to get the electrical flicker feelings by then too). The new batch of sores will probably be gone by the time they reopen but who knows maybe there will be a third wave by then :(

It was very perfunctory (in a nice way, they were really busy) they didn't really get into realistic prospects for the future. I was more worried about dp getting an appointment with his dr (next week).

Ah sorry, glad you went. Yes definitely go again if you've got open sores they can swab.
It probably seems perfunctory to you because - being blunt - a case of herpes is something they see multiple times a day. They aren't associating it with a life changing diagnosis and the awfulness you feel. It's the same as if you go to a doctor and get diagnosed with a cold sore. You're just another of the many millions of people in this country with it.
I remember being shocked the Dr I saw wasn't more tactful breaking the news and didn't seem to behave as if it was the life changingly awful diagnosis it was to me at the time.
OP based on my experience I think you need two things - you need to talk to someone about these thoughts in your head and your catastrophising, and you need time.
Talk to your DP about it. Did you look at the herpes.org link someone posted upthread? Lots of useful info and help there. And call the Samaritans. That's literally their job, talking to people who feel the way you do. You will be ok but you do need to give yourself a bit of a talking to (at least I did!)

I did look at the website, thanks, it's great and calm. Ordered some lemon balm. And I am glad most people are asymptomatic - gives me hope our immune systems are designed to cope. It looks like the first year is bad, which is stressing me out. A year is so long.

I am pretty sure I had cold sores at school and then never again afterwards. Would be so good if this could disappear in the same way.

Some clinics have their own counselling services and can help with these kinds of difficulties. Others might not and might have to refer out to other services but it will always be about helping you.

Sexual health clinics are red hot on confientiality, there are very few circumstances in which we would disclose identifying details of a patient to a partner without the patient's explicit permission.

The clinics will be open today, if you are feeling desperate you should get some support asap.

Re cold sores - yes, exactly.
I'm not sure what most people's experiences of the first year is, when you say it's bad what have you read and where?
I wouldn't think about it so much in terms of time but more outbreaks over time. And you will also learn what triggers it.
The first outbreak is bad, really bad.
I had my second about 12-18 months later. That was about a third as bad as the first one.
Then like I said, occasional ones that are about 5% as bad as the first one. When I say occasional, I mean once every multiple years, and usually when I've taken a risk with something I know triggers it because I am a fool.
I say all this because I hope you aren't thinking "the first year is bad" basically means recurrent outbreaks once a month every month. It would be very unusual for that to be the case.

Silvercockles, thanks for the brilliant, kind posts.

Right now I am picturing this just lasting forever. I wonder if I have to give up booze - was feeling ok on Friday then had a glass of wine and then fizz.

Yes, I can tell. But it absolutely won't last forever, you've probably got another week (during which time things will improve) and I'm sure you can last until next weekend before feeling better, right?
You do need to behave as if you're ill - you need to give your immune system a help - so lots of healthy food and rest.
Is there a sexual health clinic you can go to today? I'm guessing they didn't prescribe you acyclovir last time as the outbreak was on the way out but you might really benefit from it now.
They also gave me a special numbing gel which really helped.
If you can go today, you definitely should. They will be mad busy when they reopen after NY I expect, so a good reason to get it out the way today if you can!

Thank you, that's so kind. I remember how rubbish I felt at the time and massively relate! But I'm here now many years on and it's fine, just like so many of the posters here.

I bought some online (I also madly spent £200 on famciclovir as I read in one tiny study in mice that it can reduce the quantity of latent virus in your ganglia if you take it early enough).

Aaaaaaargggg

Hi Honey

I was diagnosed over 35 years ago and at the time the stigma and shame I felt was overwhelming. However it was not the physical side but the psychological side that really effected me. I was much younger and so lost but there was not the support there is now. You need to work on these things:

It is part of you not all of you. You are not a cold sore no matter where it is!
You do not have it all the time. Only when symptoms are there can it be passed on like many other things.
You DP knows and loves you not a virus!

I used to work for the Herpes Viruses Association. Contact them today. There is a support line, advice, a newsletter and all kinds of support and help. If the support line is not available today (I bet it is) then go to the Website. Read other testimonials, connect with people who initially felt like you are now.

I have been with someone for over 25 years now. He does not give a hoot!

It is 2024 in a few hours. Make this year the best year yet!.

All the best.

Hi OP,
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

I was raped as a teenager and it resulted in herpes. The first outbreak is by far the worst, after that it becomes much milder. I had a second outbreak in my twenties and it was so mild that I didn’t even know what it was, I had gone for a smear and the doctor pointed out that I had one single solitary herpes sore. There have been no outbreaks since and I’m in my 40s. I’ve been married for nearly 15 years and DH has never caught it. Honestly you need to stop worrying about it, it’s really not a big deal and tbh I’d forgotten I had it until I saw your post.

I'm really sorry that happened to you @Blumarine and thank you for sharing your story.

I really hope it goes away I can't keep pretending to be fine if it stays this bad. Can't even imagine going back to work after the holidays. Going to focus on getting through the days in segments. At least now IS better than this morning.

Really appreciate your comfort.

The first time was truly terrible. I couldn’t even sit down because of the pain. I was just a kid and I had no idea what to do, so I went to A&E. Anyway as I said, the second time it was so mild that I didn’t even realise until the doctor pointed it out. And there hasn’t been a third time. So I guarantee it will not stay that bad once the initial attack is over.

Thank you. It's really bothering me that I can't eat (makes me feel nauseous even to smell food). Focusing on hope that it isn't permanent and will pass with the rest. And I'm resolved to pay forward the kindness you and others have shown me on this thread in 2024.

Aw, OP, I'm so sorry this has hit you so hard. Don't pretend to be fine if it's taking so much out of you. You could have a UTI, you could have thrush, you could have eczema down there (that's my current nuisance). So rest up, eat healthy, take vitamins. Above all, be kind to yourself; stress fucks with your immune system.
Happy New Year! Honestly, by the end of 2024 you may have had a few recurrences but it's very unlikely any of them will be as severe or long-lasting as the first. By the end of 2025, you'll probably have forgotten about the whole shebang.
Like others have said, you are still you. Your immune system has got this, so all you have to do is help it out.
All the very best.

Hey @ChristmasGutPunch , how are you getting on a few weeks later?

Thank you for asking! I am just about starting to feel better but still have a fair bit of nerve discomfort and tingling in my bum (sorry for the specificness!). It is quite unsettling feeling it almost moving in my back but when it passes I tend to forget for a bit. I don't feel fluey sick any more which is a big relief - until a couple of days ago I was still struggling to get up and moving for work!

The length of time it was taking to end (despite being on valacivlovir!) was really starting to freak me out, worried there was something else wrong with me, but I hope my body is getting there. The 2-4 weeks to recover was definitely an understatement in my case (and if anyone else is reading this in the same position - don't freak out, I think it's a steep learning curve for your immune system so it can actually take a couple of months to get over the hump).

Supposedly asymptomatic shedding is very high for the first year, so I am going to take suppressive medication for at least that long.

Most of the time I feel ok now on the psychological front but have had some very bad anxiety patches. GUM clinic doctors and nurses are really amazing people and don't get the recognition they deserve for the huge burden of misery they lift from their patients (and their humour and sensitivity). I have learned some studies suggest as many as a quarter of adults in the UK have genital herpes but most (as many as 90%) will never know and a good chunk of people who have symptoms once will never have them again. If not for my specific worry about passing it on to my partner I might try to see how it goes without meds.

There are a few long term therapeutic treatments in clinical trials at the moment and there's a chance they'll work out and be available in the next ten years so that's something to cling on to! I was, I'll be honest, a bit tearful at a Mumsnet thread a few weeks back about people enjoying sex in their 80s and 90s thinking yeah but I'll be the typhoid Mary of sex and unable to do that! It seems like there's a lot of hope for the future. Plus also I know not everyone really bothers about it. You can overthink (I have found that men are a lot less bothered by it - perhaps because their symptoms aren't as bad??).

So, what I have learned -

Mumsnet was really kind and amazing and you genuinely made a difference to me at a time when I have never felt more scared - really big big thank you x

Reddit is freaky and full of 19 year old Americans who are in a bad place so def no one go there for herpes advice!!

For some people, this seems to become a nothing so i hope anyone reading this in a similar panic to mine bears that on mind. For me I think my body is going to be battling with it for a while (I don't imagine I'm going to go from a two month shocker of a primary outbreak to nothing ever again!) but will take the meds and hope for the best.

I think the infection does affect your mood and feelings of ability to cope so once that full body flare goes down a bit you start to feel more on top of things.

(I am still a bit scared but then life is scary, right).

So glad to hear you are doing okay OP, I was wondering how you were getting on!
And agree with you on the GUM clinic staff, a very unsung area of medicine when you consider how intimate and emotion-heavy the work must be.

Absolutely @Foxblue they're very cool people

I've noticed that my symptoms immediately come back if I miss even one dose at the moment and I'll be honest I'm a bit gutted that I don't seem likely to be in the one and done box

Also I read that the anti virals can cause cotard's syndrome so Mr Christmas is under strict instrument to tell doctors about this if I ever start acting weird

Also I should probably stop googling but it's hard!

The pragmatic advice I've had here is possibly literally a lifesaver

Ah thanks so much for coming back and updating us. I'm so sorry it's dragged on for such a long time, that just sounds like enormously rubbish luck
It sounds like there's light at the end of the tunnel though. And timing-wise good to get it out of the way this time of year - you'll be right as rain once the weather warms up!!
Hope you are fully recovered very soon

Thanks again. Yeah I feel a bit traumatised by it all, to be honest. If I could stop feeling any of the feelings it would probably help but there's always something odd going on down there. My mum got shingles really badly so perhaps we just have crap genes.

Still helping me to read the accounts of people who felt pretty much fine after the first one. Really really really hope that's me :(