To ask for your positive herpes stories (merrrrry Christmas to me)

[ChristmasGutPunch]

I have worried I might have been exposed by arsehole ex for a while but pushed it to back of my mind.

On Wednesday things felt a bit weird down there but I assumed it was my leggings. By Thursday there were numerous bumps. A bit like ingrown hairs but... Too many.

It hurts a bit but only like normal dermatitis. I can't see a doctor until next week but I just know what it is.

Google/Reddit have taken me into a spiral of despair. People with constant outbreaks even when on antiviral regimens. Pills five times a day. Christ.

Can anyone reassure me that it might be ok and something I can just manage?

To be honest the symptoms are fine at the moment (assuming this is as bad as it gets) but my new partner is immunocompromised and I think basically this is going to fuck our relationship. I'll take the antivirals long term but I don't think it's enough to protect him completely.

Worst Christmas in my 45 years on this earth.

Just saw this - and it's true. If the sores have healed then there's nothing to test. We can only really test and get accurate results from active lesions.

And GPs rarely if ever test, any symptoms between the knees & umbilicus they think is an STI they often won't even look at, just send to us.

@MrsFinkelstein isn't there a blood test you can have for herpes antibodies that identifies what type of HSV you have?

NC as you can see. I was infected by my ex-husband. Also got a nice dose of chlymidia and genital warts 🙄 Anyway, one subsequent boyfriend dumped me on the spot when I told him. Another one insisted on condoms, fair enough. A FWB was fine with it.

I told my DH about it early on and he was ok with it although he did end up infected. We both have outbreaks and keep acyclovir in the house for when we need it. Someone who loves you will be ok with it, just be honest.

A blood test exists, but sexual health clinics don't use it routinely. We swab the blisters and that types the virus. But we treat the symptoms.

Tbh though, what type of virus it is doesn't change management of it and its not really an indicator for how often people get recurrences.

A blood test will show you have the virus present, but as up to 70% of people are asymptomatic shedders it doesn't inform whether you will ever get symptoms.

Why can't it just be asymptomatic for everyone and then no one would care (and it would benefit the virus because no one would care). So annoying.

@ChristmasGutPunch Sending you a hug! I had my first outbreak at 19, just after my cherry was popped 😁 52 now!

I went to the clinic, wasn't given anything, just told what it was.

The first flare up was definitely the worst. Agony. I had maybe six or seven flares after then over a number of years, normally when I was ill or run down. Nothing since. I've been twice married and divorced since then, had DC, it has never, ever been an issue.

So many people have the dormant virus anyway. It's the same thing as a cold sore. I have cold sores and shingles (also same virus) in my family. It just presents in a different place.

Don't panic, OP. The media are very culpable in the way they have written about herpes over the years, like it's some kind of awful life sentence and/or something to be ashamed of. To read some articles, you'd think herpes was the plague. Yes, the virus stays in your body but so do several viruses, eg chickenpox (varicella or herpes zoster) which can cause shingles later in life.
There is a cure, it's called your immune system. It's true that some people get it bad, ie frequent recurrences. But most do not. I got it when I was about 29 from my partner, who didn't even know they had it. The first attack was by far the worst & I had maybe 4 or 5 recurrences in the first year. That tailed off very quickly & by about 32/33 we'd both forgotten all about it. I'm over 60 now, haven't had any trouble for over 20 years.

One big study showed a median (most common) recurrence rate of 0.34 per month (that's once every 3 months) during follow-up that lasted a median of 391 days (13 months). What they don't say is that, if your immune system is healthy, that rate continues to fall and you are very likely to be untroubled by it after about 3 or 4 years. Recurrence risk factors are illness, stress, fatigue, sunlight. Stay healthy, stay out of strong sunlight.

Please don't panic; and above all remember, you are not 'dirty'. This is a cold sore down below, that's all. An embuggerance for a while, yes. A life sentence, almost certainly not.

Thanks @Plazzy this is a really great way of describing it and I feel really reassured to think I might not still have to take anti-virals when I'm drawing my pension! Going to focus on keeping immune system up.

I really am grateful. Feeling better than this time last week but still prone to a wobble. Every sensation at the moment is a bit triggering! Need to just be sensible!

Yeah, we had a rough time at first. But we found out all we could about it. I had no idea a person could have it, not know it & still be infectious. It was very early on in our relationship, so she'd probably had it for years. She'd never had bad symptoms, put it down to something else, UTI probably.
All the best to you :)

I told him and he asked why I was worrying so much and we'd work it out and I feel so much better and I just want you all to know I love you a bit for your kindness.

That's lovely to hear @ChristmasGutPunch , really glad you talked to him about it and glad you feel better! Glad you found some comfort from the lovely responses here.

Rereading for comfort as I thought my outbreak was nearly over and new stuff has just appeared on my bum. I guess the 4 weeks is no joke. Wish anti virals were a bit stronger.

Op have you discussed it with your partner yet? I know you said you were worried about his health

Never mind @ChristmasGutPunch I just saw your update from earlier today.

Try and give yourself a break. It's not a position you chose to be in x

I'm in sexual health as well, there's loads of us on this thread.

I see millions of genital herpes, I probably diagnose around one new case a day in clinic and speak to many more in my telephone clinics. What's happening to you is really common, I think the stress and the upset of the original diagnosis knocks the immune system a bit and you get a 2nd outbreak quite quickly after. Its actually quite rare to have ongoing problems with herpes and if you are one of those rare cases there's loads we can do to help.

Thanks so much for this. Got all the old symptoms from last week - horrible tingling, loss of appetite, can't stop crying, never felt this low. Usually pride myself on being rational and thinking out practical plans but now I can't get off the sofa and am reading about mad experimental treatments and clinical trials.

Clinging onto memory of yesterday's sanity feelings to counter the "end it now you've fucked your entire life" feelings.

Rationally, if my partner is ok with things I should be too, right. Feel I've let him down and he's being so sweet.

Hope to God I'm one of the no recurrences people I can't bear this :( Telling myself the clinical trial people insist on a diagnosis of at least a year because things usually get easier naturally in a year.

OP, you'll be okay, you really will.
My best advice is to stop looking it up online. For the vast majority herpes is not a problem so they're not online writing about it - they're just getting on with their lives and doing cool things.
The only people who are writing online are the small minority who are having difficulties so what you see as common because of what's written online is actually a pretty significant over representation.

Lastly, if your partner has ever had sex in his life with anyone other than you the chances are he's already been exposed, probably infected and its not causing him any problems at all.

Stay cool OP, you've got this.

Get your DP to have a chat with his doctors, just to be cautious as this isn't an issue I'm very familiar with but my feeling is that you'll both be fine.

Thanks. Feel awful psychologically. It does feel like grief for my old life. Do you think I'll feel this sadness and exhaustion every time it comes back? God I hope it doesn't come back. Why did I ever sleep with that idiot. If it stayed this bad I definitely couldn't live with it, hope to God things feel better soon.

Thanks again.

It does feel like grief for my old life. Do you think I'll feel this sadness and exhaustion every time it comes back?

I really do remember this. Yes you will feel back to normal. On the (extremely rare) occasion these days I get an outbreak (which is about 5% as bad as the first, it will be for you too) I don't feel any of the negative emotions, it's just annoying for about 2-3 days. I look back on how I felt when I was first diagnosed and, while I understand why I felt as I did, I recognise that I was massively catastrophising and overreacting to what is really a minor issue for me now. You future self will look back on you now and want to go back in time and give you a big hug.

What's your partner's previous sexual history like? How long have you been together?

Stop beating yourself up re the twat. You could gave caught it at any time, most of the people you've had sex with will have had it themselves.
In our society practically everyone has got tangled up with an arsehole at one point or other - its nearly as common as herpes.
Please be kind to yourself, you're human and normal and just as lovely as you've always been.

Thanks. It feels like suicide is the only real choice right now (I'm rationalising my way out of this but that's my strong guiding emotion). Let everyone else get on with things and switch off the fear and guilt and regret and disgust.

Need to get out of bed to help my dad who has broken his hip (!) but struggling.

I'm certain it's not from DP but I've spoken about it with him and he knows he might have it from me already. We have been together for a couple of years now. Looking back, I think I've had a twinging sacral nerve, weird itching I thought was thrush, ingrowns that signified this for a while but nothing ever came to a head. I took some health supplements last month and they made me feel really relaxed and I wonder if that's what did it.

Not sure whether I should try to find out whether 1 or 2.

You need to tell someone in real life about how you're feeling.
If you have any firm plans to end your life you should phone 999, that's an emergency.
If not you should call your local sexual health clinic to get some sound advice to help you get this into better perspective.
Speak with your DP about how desperate this is making you feel.
I understand why you feel this way but its effectively a cold sore.
I'm going to let MNHQ about your last post so they can check in with you as well.

OP, you really need to talk to someone based on what you're saying. There is no shame at all in calling the Samaritans, that's what they're there for.

Did you talk to the nurse at the sexual health clinic about how you're feeling?

Do you think if I'm honest about the psychological dimension with the sexual health clinic people (I know health care professionals have rules and need to follow them) they'd be obliged to report it to mental health services? I don't want that but I would like to talk to them about realistic outcomes and how I come to terms with them. I really don't want dp getting a call or anything.

Sorry I know this is a hassle of a line of questioning. I'll call the clinic on 3rd. Hopefully the brain inflammation will have died down by then anyway.