To ask for your positive herpes stories (merrrrry Christmas to me)

[ChristmasGutPunch]

I have worried I might have been exposed by arsehole ex for a while but pushed it to back of my mind.

On Wednesday things felt a bit weird down there but I assumed it was my leggings. By Thursday there were numerous bumps. A bit like ingrown hairs but... Too many.

It hurts a bit but only like normal dermatitis. I can't see a doctor until next week but I just know what it is.

Google/Reddit have taken me into a spiral of despair. People with constant outbreaks even when on antiviral regimens. Pills five times a day. Christ.

Can anyone reassure me that it might be ok and something I can just manage?

To be honest the symptoms are fine at the moment (assuming this is as bad as it gets) but my new partner is immunocompromised and I think basically this is going to fuck our relationship. I'll take the antivirals long term but I don't think it's enough to protect him completely.

Worst Christmas in my 45 years on this earth.

@hedgehoglurker I don't think it's lethal for most people but I think it can be for transplant patients :(

NHS website says some people only ever get the one occurrence. Will pray to God that this could be me and spend the rest of my life trying to be the best partner and person I can be.

It doesn't even sound like herpes. Maybe get looked at before jumping in your mind to the death of your partner at your pox-ridden hands. Try not to worry.

@ChristmasGutPunch please please please try and not to keep thinking of the worst case scenario.

I was diagnosed with herpes about 20 years ago, I caught it from my boyfriend (now husband). The first time I had it the pain was excruciating. Since then I've had a few outbreaks over the years but they've been nothing like that first time, I'm not on regular medication or anything like that and actually sometimes I forget about it completely because it's not a daily thing that impacts my life.

Please stop googling, as another poster said you'll see lots of 'worst case scenario' type situations. No one talks about herpes and I've certainly never spoken to any of my friends about it but it's common and literally millions of people go about their lives quite normally despite having herpes.

You are catastrophising (is that a word?) just now - I understand why - but things might not change as drastically as you think. Please be kind to yourself. You've done nothing wrong. X

I caught herpes at 17. I've never had another outbreak, so you might not either.

I got it at 16/17 from a boyfriend giving me oral and he had a cold sore come up around a day or so later, Lovely! Honestly I was in bits literally it was horrendous and weeping and honestly grim. I had a couple of outbreaks after that. Then maybe I get one if I’m stressed or run down but it doesn’t present I just have sore skin and end sexual contact. If you have the one from cold sores it’s not as bad as the actually genital herpes one or so I’ve been told. I don’t have daily meds or anything as it rarely presents. I forget about it until I see someone mention it and I’m like ohh yeah that

I appreciate I seem a bit melodramatic @lovelyweatherforasleighride and thanks for tough love I know I need it (better than ex who has simply said "don't worry I would still shag you" - falling for a man like this in the first place is why it's my fault).

I really really think it is herpes. Prodromal feelings in gut, weeping bumps creeping up under skin. It's not the total agony some people get. Maybe this means it is weak and I won't have it again? Hope to God.

@ChristmasGutPunch I felt how you did around 8 years ago discovering I had genital warts. Stayed up all night crying and phoned my then boyfriend at 6am confessing it to him. We're now married and since I got them and told some friends, about 90% of those people told me they also had genital warts or herpes. Its so so common you wouldn't believe it. I know it feels like life as you know it is over but it definitely isn't. Get to your GUM clinic. They helped me get things in perspective and I think they will for you too.

I think it's just so hard to imagine feeling normal again when it's been like this for a week.

It doesn't help that I have quite bad anxiety (does it show).

I'd honestly wait till you see a Dr untill you write your life off.

I know @Nchanged89 but I'm super sure.

I don't have herpes but noticed recently a young woman on IG who shares her experience of living with it. I watched loads of her vids as I was fascinated with her bravery and also she's pretty unconventional.

I don't know how you'd find her account but she's in the USA, lives in a camper van travelling with her dog, is heavily tattooed, and makes lots of posts about coping with and managing and treating genital herpes. She did post that organic natural honey can help a lot (but that small percentage of people found it worsened it).

If I were you, I'd do some googling, ring 111, and find out which emergency sexual health clinics are open despite the christmas holidays and if there isn't one near you, then consider attending A&E for treatment. You could have something else and early intervention is vital.

Also, if you can afford it, consider paying approx £100 for a one off immediate GP appointment with a private GP. Tomorrow a lot of places will be back open anyhow.

100% this is an error. Cryotherapy would not treat herpes.

Oh OP I absolutely remember this feeling. It is the worst feeling in the world.

I got it from my now husband, he had no idea he had it. The first outbreak was horrendous.
I had once about a year or two after. Then none since (touch wood). No anti virals here.

Some questions for you though because I remember the fog and horrendousness...
At the time DH was convinced it wasn't from him because he'd never had symptoms (not accusing me of cheating, just "it must have been dormant"). When I spoke to the lady at the sexual health clinic she told me it's exceedingly unlikely to have come from anyone other than an existing sexual partner.

When did you last sleep with your ex? How recently have you had sex with your current partner?

Unless there's a really strong reason to doubt, I'd be betting you've actually caught it from him and he's never had symptoms. Obviously I'm no expert and this is all stuff you should discuss at the gum clinic. But that was my experience and I hope it makes you feel a bit better.

You will get past it and feel so much better very soon.

Ah op you poor thing.
I had my initial outbreak and that was the worst. I had it a few times after that and then it probably have it a couple of times a year but it's barely noticeable, honestly.
You need to get it looked at while you still have them as they won't diagnose without the 'lesions'. Hopefully you can get to a clinic.

'vero.venturing' on IG = Veronica Taylor

is the young woman who posts about living with herpes, managing outbreaks, and alternative and conventional treatments. Interspersed with her posts about van life etc.

I think I had a prodromal feeling that never became lesions back when I was with my ex @Silvercockles it feels really distinctive but then I didn't put two and two together

Ofc this means I might already have infected dh :(

I am genuinely sorry for any misleading comments. My diagnosis was indeed genital warts but in the last 22 years since I was affected I had seen genital warts and genital herpes referred to almost interchangeably and thought this was the modern name for it, but I admit I never checked that because as I say, it never reoccured. 😞

I have just looked it up now and have a better understanding. My apologies to the OP for posting irrelevant comments on my experience, I had hoped to put your mind at ease and indeed I still hope that you will find that reassurance.

I would still see what the GUM clinic says, especially about your specific situation with your partner.
Hope you are feeling a bit better today.

Hey OP, hope you are feeling better today - try and focus on your partner getting medical advice from their doctor about this, and not googling worst case scenarios etc. And please talk to your partner about it too, I bottled all my feelings up when I got diagnosed because I was young, and my partner was so horrified he'd given it to me he didn't want to talk about, but I wish I had. I also suffered anxiety terribly at the time.

What's really helped me is to focus on my overall health - eating well, exercising, drinking loads of water. Nothing extreme, just focusing on getting as much good stuff in my body, so when I do things like indulge at Christmas I don't feel sluggish for days on end, which can trigger anxiety about a breakout for me.

You are not alone - herpes is SO prevalent, there will be thousands of people out there who have it with transplant patient partners too. Just remember people go on the Internet for help with the worst things, so googling makes you believe what you see is representative of the whole population, but its not. You've got this, you're going to be okay.

I hope you feel better soon OP.

Just don’t go to A&E as suggested above - that won’t make you feel better.

OP, you have coldsores, albeit 'down there'. Would you consider ending a relationship because your partner had coldsores? I have coldsores (aka genital herpes), and reacted like it was the end of the world when I first found out and I learned it really isn't, seriously.

Please keep things in perspective. Tell your partner you've started getting coldsores (which you have), explain where they are, and that you can't have sex when you've got one.

Plus they can be dormant for donkeys year, and just appear one day.

How common is genital herpes UK?
HSV is a very common infection with as many as 7 in 10 people (70%) in the UK population having HSV1 and approximately 1 in 10 people (10%) having HSV2.

That's a lot of coldsores!

You need to get it diagnosed.

And then you need to talk to him.
The risks are his and so the risks are up to him and it's completely possible for partners to have sex with herpes carrying partners and never catch it.
He may decide it's a deal breaker for him but it's also likely he will learn about it and decide it's not a deal breaker for him.

I understand its distressing. I would be distressed. But you don't have to just leave him and you ending your life won't make things better for him.

You just need to talk to him, with information, and let him make his own mind up about what he wants to do