To ask for your positive herpes stories (merrrrry Christmas to me)

[ChristmasGutPunch]

I have worried I might have been exposed by arsehole ex for a while but pushed it to back of my mind.

On Wednesday things felt a bit weird down there but I assumed it was my leggings. By Thursday there were numerous bumps. A bit like ingrown hairs but... Too many.

It hurts a bit but only like normal dermatitis. I can't see a doctor until next week but I just know what it is.

Google/Reddit have taken me into a spiral of despair. People with constant outbreaks even when on antiviral regimens. Pills five times a day. Christ.

Can anyone reassure me that it might be ok and something I can just manage?

To be honest the symptoms are fine at the moment (assuming this is as bad as it gets) but my new partner is immunocompromised and I think basically this is going to fuck our relationship. I'll take the antivirals long term but I don't think it's enough to protect him completely.

Worst Christmas in my 45 years on this earth.

I take anti virals daily and it is enough to keep viral load undetectable so your partner should be fine. It sucks but it’s something you learn to live with. Honestly, after 8 years I don’t even think about except when I renew my prescription.

I could hug you for saying this @Catza

I guess I will see what the doctor says (there is no doubt in my mind, though) and hope we can find a way through it.

I could not live with myself if I hurt him with this.

Is there a GUM/ sexual health clinic that you can attend? You probably need it swabbed whilst active to be sure, although not aware if that is always necessary.

The first outbreak will be the worst, unfortunately, but after that it should improve.

Oh OP, I really feel for you, its a very unique feeling situation necause its just not talked about at all, but there are millions of people in the same boat.
Is it HSV1 or 2, do you know?
Diagnosed 15 years ago.
Numerous sexual partners since then, never had a bad reaction from anyone from telling them.
I have also never passed it on, to my knowledge.
Don't take daily antivirals, I have them on hand to take if I feel an outbreak going on, which is maybe once every 3 years. Done a lot of reading over the years and largely the first outbreak is the worst.
The Internet is full of worst case scenarios because those are the people most desperate for help and advice. There's a lot of in-between- there's a reason why you will have seen on your googling that the stats are so high on people carrying it and not knowing. People can have one outbreak then never again.
See if your partner can have a convo with their doctor (if they have a specific condition) or a sexual health specialist to talk through what this might mean for them.
This feels like the end of the world now, but I can absolutely promise you it isn't. There will be plenty of others along shortly - you are not alone.

I had my first outbreak 13 years ago, since then it’s flared once. No daily antivirals, been with DH 12 years and have a normal sex life, he’s never caught it from me.

Don’t panic, yes it can be horrendous for an unfortunate minority but something like 30% of the population have HSV1 or 2 and the overwhelming majority are completed unaffected day to day.

Also to be clear - for me personally, if I feel an outbreak coming on and take the tablets, I then do not get an outbreak. You get to learn the 'signs' pretty quick, and the tablets have worked very well for me in heading off any problems.

I don’t know how typical or otherwise I am, but I picked it up about twenty two years ago. Mine were treated by being frozen and it took a few weeks for them to go. They have never reappeared.

I really really appreciate your comforting words x Hope to God it goes after this and never comes back.

I agree it's weird how secret it is - Mumsnet is the only person I've told.

Hi, OP. I think it varies a lot from person to person. My ex (a long-term partner) had it and he would very occasionally get an outbreak. Obviously we’d avoid sex during those times. He didn’t take pills and it didn’t affect him much at all. He didn’t pass it on to me.

That's interesting @Vogayer I've never heard of cryotherapy for this. Did you have to go privately?

If you're pretty certain that's what it is, you can use Boots online doctor and they can prescribe you the meds for the next day.
Don't worry, it's far more widespread that it is talked about.

No I first saw my GP and then I was referred to Roehampton Clinic. As I say it was over 20 years ago and I certainly got the impression this was a typical treatment at that time, maybe things have moved on though and as I say, I have never had another bout and I have had no further treatment or preventative medication.

Thanks @Vogayer I'll ask what's available

I wish there were a bloody cure. How can there not be a cure in 2023.

I guess it’s low on the list of priorities since it is not considered life-threatening. Although, a few years ago there were some studies showing links between HV and Alzheimer’s. Unlike previous posters, I had outbreaks monthly before my periods. I also have had regular outbreaks of oral herpes from the age of 7 so daily anti-vitals were a very good option for me. Very 6 months or so I try to take a break (it is recommended that you do that after you’ve been symptom-free for 6 months) and typically manage a few months before it flares again.
Re cryotherapy, I wonder if it was for HPV rather than herpes.

I contracted HSV2 30 years ago, and sadly I am one of the more unusual cases where I have flare ups fairly frequently. I'm on my 2nd this month actually! It tends to strike when I've been stressed or I'm run down.

I've had antivirals before but I didn't realise you could take them long term - it suddenly makes sense why they're on my repeat prescription, perhaps I ought to start.

I had a few bad reactions from would-be partners back then, but when I met one who listened carefully to the details and risks, asked a couple of questions then decided I probably wasn't a festering trollop, I ended up marrying him. We've been together through thousands of flare-ups over 25 years (avoiding obvious risks during an active outbreak), and he has never had as much as a single symptom.

It is so good to hear that your husband is ok @Investinavest

I hope the suppress treatment works for you if you decide to try it

Is the poster who had them frozen off thinking of genital warts maybe?

Get the tablets (usually acilovir) because if the first outbreak is like mine, it was the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. They work very quickly. I can tell when an outbreak is on the way too. It’s like a weird dragging feeling down the backs of my thighs.

I think my tell is a weird hot feeling like I need to poo

God I hope this never comes back

An update even though no one asked for it. Had to hide my turmoil from whole family all Christmas. Last night in bed as DP snoozed beside me I felt I had gone totally mad. There's no way out. Either I leave him (agony) or present a real threat to him for the rest of our lives (agony). Pills every day just to be a little less lethal.

I am sorry to be the turd in the Boxing Day trifle. I told everyone I had flu and stayed in bed then DP brought me coffee and I made it to the bath.

I am having very dark thoughts right now. If I died he could meet someone else and be happy and safe. I know he would be upset but he'd so lovely someone would rescue him.

Please seek real life help. Call Samaritans or your local mental health line. I know you feel desperate now, but things change. Sending you a massive hug.

Thanks @Magpiesalute I know they often can but this definitely can't. I don't know if the virus is messing with my thoughts or if it's just a legitimate reaction to the end of life as I knew it. Self inflicted!

@ChristmasGutPunch it's not self inflicted though is it ? Your asshole ex passed it on. That's not your fault. I'd do nothing until you've seen a doctor and got some confirmation it is what you think it is as it may not be. I always remember being convinced I'd caught a dreadful std and I'd actually got thrush caused by some antibiotics.

I just want to add that I first developed it when on immune suppressants. I had probably been carrying it for years with no symptoms, but being very rundown with an autoimmune disease coupled with immune suppressants gave me my first outbreak.

I don't know how immune compromised your partner is, but I just took one daily aciclovir tablet to keep it at bay, which was just one more pill to add to the regime, so not a huge deal. It really worked very well and outbreaks were probably just once or perhaps twice a year.

I don't think it is as horrific as you believe, and you are reading about absolutely worst case scenarios. Why do you think it is lethal?

Thanks for being kind I am crying about it. There are so many nice people in the world who help strangers in pain and I can't keep the man I love most safe.