To ask for your positive herpes stories (merrrrry Christmas to me)

[ChristmasGutPunch]

I have worried I might have been exposed by arsehole ex for a while but pushed it to back of my mind.

On Wednesday things felt a bit weird down there but I assumed it was my leggings. By Thursday there were numerous bumps. A bit like ingrown hairs but... Too many.

It hurts a bit but only like normal dermatitis. I can't see a doctor until next week but I just know what it is.

Google/Reddit have taken me into a spiral of despair. People with constant outbreaks even when on antiviral regimens. Pills five times a day. Christ.

Can anyone reassure me that it might be ok and something I can just manage?

To be honest the symptoms are fine at the moment (assuming this is as bad as it gets) but my new partner is immunocompromised and I think basically this is going to fuck our relationship. I'll take the antivirals long term but I don't think it's enough to protect him completely.

Worst Christmas in my 45 years on this earth.

Thank you very much everyone for your lovely, sensible, warm advice. I really thought I'd lost my mind yesterday morning (have never felt anything like it - wondering if could have been the virus or the antivirals or just the emotional reaction) and it is no exaggeration to say that you've helped bring me back and made a big difference to me. You are awesome people.

I think one of the problems is that the main source of information on herpes seems to be Reddit, which is not a place for calm wisdom, really. Mumsnet is a good counter to it.

The sores have mostly cleared up so I'm not sure what will be detectable by the time I see the Dr but will ask and I am pretty sure.

Think I'll keep taking the suppressants for the next few months just for some peace of mind and I've asked DP to discuss with his transplant team since it's possible I've already given it to him. I guess now I think about it I'm surprised more people don't have problems with cold sores when they start on all the anti rejection meds. Maybe it will be ok.

Hi OP, here is a fantastic link that I believe you may find useful:

herpes.org.uk/

I was diagnosed with HSV1 approx 8 years ago. Initial outbreak was awful, I've since had maybe 4/5 outbreaks since then. My husband has never caught it from me. Please take a look at that link, it's so reassuring and contains cold hard facts.

Is that for herpes? I’ve never heard of anti virals every day

@Cerealkiller4U you can take them daily to try to reduce risk of asymptomatic transmission. I don't think everyone needs to take it (probably if you don't have much recurrence you asymptomatically shed less?) but I'd like to for peace of mind. Some people do it forever. I find this a bit daunting but thinking of it as a six months for now thing. Some evidence infectiousness reduces after the first year.

Yes. You can take a course of high-dose acyclovir for acute infection or a lower maintenance dose if infections recur often (which mine do every month before my period). It's been a lifesaver for me.

I've been with my husband for almost a decade and he's only had an outbreak of genital herpes once.

I, on the other hand, get cold sores about four times a year.

I should mention the two infections aren't related and something we suffered with prior to getting together

Sexual Health Nurse here - I think you must have had warts (HPV), we absolutely do not and never have treated herpes blisters with cryo. It wouldn't work and would only cause horrific pain.

OP were the bumps as you described painful?

If not, then it's possibly not been HSV. Herpes sores will generally be like little ulcers and 1st outbreaks are very painful. GPs aren't always able to correctly diagnose HSV, I'd recommend a sexual Health Clinic to be reviewed.

Suppression therapy is only given if there has been 6 or more documented outbreaks in 12 months. Otherwise its just episodic treatment.

The Herpes Virus Association website is an excellent resource, I wouldn't look anywhere else.

@ChristmasGutPunch when you say you can't see a doctor until next week, do you mean a GP appointment?
In my experience, a GP will not diagnose this. They will just send you to a sexual health clinic. You are far better off just doing that yourself.
Can you go to a walk-in gum clinic near you this week?
They need open sores to swap from to diagnose. If you wait until they've cleared up to see anyone, you will I fear end up undiagnosed and with no real answers.
You need to see someone ASAP while they can still swab you.

@MrsFinkelstein if you're a sexual health nurse though maybe you can comment on what I've suggested above

@ChristmasGutPunch I've had herpes for a long time and do get regular outbreaks. One thing thst stood out to me in your post is the dark thoughts etc. once my outbreak starts to clear up, I get mild post viral depression so it definitely affects my mental state.

I've been with DP for 9 years, he's never had any symptoms and we just avoid sex as soon as I get any symptoms. Nerve pain on the skin on my legs and back is when I know it's coming.

Thank you again. and yes @worrywilma I do feel like it affected my mental state quite seriously. I've never felt like that before. Maybe it was just the shock.

It wasn't agonising, just annoying and a sort of sour stingyness, if that makes sense. I would say they were little spots that blistered, though. I spent unhealthy amounts of time looking at strangers' bits on the herpes pages of Reddit and couldn't find anything that looked exactly like mine but I still think it must be that. It does seem to be clearing up now (maybe thanks to the acyclovir or maybe coincidence).

I am going to the sexual health clinic tomorrow morning - I think if there's nothing to swab they can still try secretions?

I feel a lot better since it started going down anyway.

Thanks to everyone who has shared their story about not infecting a healthy long term partner - this is the most important thing for me.

Some worried feelings about the fact that the ex never had any symptoms. Means presumably that even when I don't have an outbreak this strain might be spreading very easily. Can't help but feel I should have showered more after sex with him now.

I was so upset when I realised I had it. I first had it on my anus which was like shitting glass. But each outbreak got easier. It spread to my vulva and that was horrible too but again, each outbreak better and better. Then I caught a cold sore from my now husband and I get the other type of HSV on my mouth. So blessed!

I take anti virals daily and it keeps it all under control and any outbreaks are mild - I barely notice them. It's very common and although so upsetting, getting it or not isn't something you can control.

Hi OP! I had to respond to this as i know the feeling and its rubbish. I got herpes about 10 years ago and have had about one outbreak a year since then- always very mild following my first awful one. I have been with my DH for 8 years and have not passed it to him (to our knowledge.) I don't take daily anti virals as I don't really get outbreaks. The only exception to this was during IVF and pregnancy where it popped up again due to big hormonal fluctuations. I would recommend L- Lysine suppliments which work very well to stop herpes and coldsores coming through when you are under the weather. Everything will be fine, I completely forget I have it now. After the first out break it really is just a mild skin condition and the unnecessary stigma is by far the worst part! X

One outbreak 19 years ago and nothing since. Had a couple of partners since then and none have tested positive for the strain and also have had successful pregnancies and vaginal births with absolutely no concern from midwives / consultants.
Never had to take antiviral or anything.

Stay off of Reddit!!!!

In the grand scheme of things it really isn’t as bad as you initially think, there are far worse conditions to live with.

All the best OP

Just wanted to add that when I got herpes in my 20s I remember being shocked when I told freinds because every single one of them had at least one other close friend who had it too. Honestly it really is incredibly common and 80% of people who have it don't ever find out- meaning it's even more common!! If your partner has not a vigin when you met then he has likely slept with someone previously who also carries HSV 1 or 2 already!

Agree with pp that although it's a depressing thing to have and the first outbreak can be awful, it's really not a big deal to be a carrier. Most people have only occasional flare ups and don't need medication. It's easy enough to avoid sex during an outbreak so it doesn't get passed on. Please just tell your partner and direct him to the herpes charity so he doesn't disappear down the same Google rabbit hole you did.

I was diagnosed with herpes 10 years ago. I get a few outbreaks a year that last a few days each. And I also get Bartholin's cysts that started at the same time as herpes and seem to happen with every outbreak. I find the cysts more annoying than herpes as they take ages to clear.

The first few outbreaks are the worst. I think my lifestyle factors (alcohol, junk food, high stress, and too much sugar) make my outbreaks more frequent. Along with rough sex/trauma around vagina or anus (e.g. jagged finger nails during foreplay). I take l-lysine amino acid when I feel an outbreak coming on and it helps massively. I've never taken any antiviral.

I'm not sure who gave it to me, as I had some crossover with a long-distance ex who was cheating on me, and my current partner who i was very casual with at the time (he was going through a break- up of a long term relationship, and we just saw it as fun). I believe my current partner gave it to me, but if he did he is asymptomatic. He is super understanding and we openly communicate about it, he never makes mightme feel bad or "dirty". I think (potential) stigma is worse than the outbreaks themselves: hopefully you can see it just like any other cold/flu or viral infection you might get though the year - it comes and goes.

I hope you and your partner can work it out.

Oh my lovely! Stay off reddit if possible and google. Please if you're having dark thoughts reach out to the appropriate services

I contracted it a couple of years back abd went through the same as you, I'll second what everyone else has said here

1. Its so much more wide-spread than you think, we just don't talk about it

1. Telling current or prospective partners is fucking daunting at first, but honestly, truly, seriously, anyone who reacts negatively has done you the favour of showing you who they really are. I've never had a negative reaction because thankfully 99% of adults are actually adults.

1. I haven't had an outbreak since that first one. I tried the daily acyclovir and if I was ever dating again in the future I would resume but right now i don't, and its nowhere to be found!

The pill a day can seem a bit dramatic, but hey, I also take an omezoprazole daily to stave off GERD, and also my multivitamin. Minimising it like that helps keep it in perspective

This is no ones fault, and there's nothing wrong. You'll be fine, I promise.

So I have realised in the last year that I think I have it. Caught 25yrs plus ago, I always thought the single sore i got sometimes was an ingrown hair. It’s only since it started happening more frequently that I started to put 2 and 2 together. It was painful when it first happened, I was in my late teens and assume it was from a one night stand. I was with someone for 10yrs and he never caught it, not sure I even had any outbreaks then. Interesting it was triggered this year when I was seeing someone. Maybe the regular sex brought it on as I’ve been single for years through choice. I also suffer from whitlow finger - I started taking the anti virals and it’s not made much difference, I’ve had one on finger, and one vagina every 3 months. I can’t work out why it lay dormant for so many years. I am going to get officially tested next flare, but pretty sure I do have it. Good to see it’s not affected relationships for so many on here

Action plan for you .
Get it diagnosed . See if you have further outbreaks in the next 6 months. Speak to your partner's specialist if it is herpes - get their expert opinion about the risks to them . If you have outbreaks , consider low dose daily anti viral therapy . Please know that it's a medication with almost zero side effects and will keep your viral load undetectable. As previous posters have said - some people are asymptomatic viral shedders . This means that they still shed the virus when they don't have an outbreak . Many people only pass it on when whey have an active outbreak. I was gutted when I found out 30 years ago . Only a handful of outbreaks in the first 5 years . Nothing since . Husband not caught it. Please deal with this step by step, dealing with facts and advice from doctors.

Has your ex been diagnosed with herpes?

Couldn't read and run!

Diagnosed in 2019 after a short relationship with a complete twat. Felt like my life was over, I remember looking at my vulva in a handheld mirror and nearly fainting with disgust at myself.

4 years later, I've taken daily acyclovir on and off over the years- I find that hormonal contraception helps keep it under control and when I'm not on anything and having natural cycles I have more outbreaks. If I'm taking daily meds I won't have any outbreaks at all.

Importantly, I am in a new relationship and have just had my second baby since being diagnosed. My partner shows no symptoms but had a previous girlfriend who also had it so I think he's been exposed already.

It will be ok, I never even think about it anymore.

Interestingly, like a PP I also get whitlow finger but have never had a cold sore.