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Original poster

AIBU to think Christmas is ruined now?

140 replies

GlitteryRainbow · 03/12/2023 19:00

Soon to be ex husband has just asked if it's ok to invite his parents for Christmas. It wasn't really a question though, just pretending I have a choice.

His parents and I have a history, they've never thought that I was good enough. When they come they will have a go at me for choosing to work. In their eyes this is the route of all my problems. Of course it can't be because I'm married to their son.

Next they will start on my weight. I know I'm overweight it's from eating chocolate to survive lockdown. Life is too miserable right now to lose much. Though I have started cycling as I had to surrender my drivers license so that is helping. They will scrutinise what I eat. Tell me I should work out what a weeks worth of treats is and put it in a tin and once they are gone nothing until next week.

Then they will start on how I'm raising the children, looking after the house taking care of 'D'H. On and on it will go. Last year was bearable as I had to be flat on my back for two weeks so didn't interact much.

They need constant entertainment and hot drinks. MIL has dementia so can't be left on her own. I had to babysit her for 5 hours last time they were here. She'll put things down and get into a flap she can't find them.

It was going to be bad enough just the 4 of us (DS13 and DD10). Now it will be horrific. My mental health is pretty bad already as I have a lot going on. I'm not sure what to do. I have no friends or family I can stay with. I need a peaceful Christmas.

YABU Inlaws need someone to go it will be fine.

YANBU it will be the week from hell to top off one of the worst years of your life.

Ending it all comes to mind. Anyone got any better suggestions?

OP posts:
maslinpan · 03/12/2023 19:03

That all sounds horrific. But do they know you are on the verge of splitting up?

2dogsandabudgie · 03/12/2023 19:04

Why do they need to stay for a week, can they not just come for Christmas dinner?

Hellocatshome · 03/12/2023 19:05

Does soon to be ex husband know he is soon to be ex? If so I would tell him he is more than welcome to host his DPs for Christmas while you and the kids will be spending it elsewhere. Then book an Air BnB and have a lovely chilled Christmas somewhere else.

GreyhpundGirl · 03/12/2023 19:06

Say no?

Gymmum82 · 03/12/2023 19:06

Why would you choose to spend xmas with your soon to be ex husband and his parents?
Just say no and book somewhere else for you and kids. Or take kids to your family and leave him to host his

HowToSaveAWife · 03/12/2023 19:07

Leave him host his parents. Book somewhere for you & the kids and leave him at it.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 03/12/2023 19:08

Why don’t you have a choice in this? I mean if he’s a soon to be ex it doesn’t sound like you’ve got much to lose here.

If they do come to visit just “don’t”. Don’t care about their opinions, don’t have a filter and watch what you say, don’t expend any energy on hosting, don’t worry about playing nice.

Sounds Like it could be fun and entertaining for you

sprigatito · 03/12/2023 19:08

If he's STBX, why do you need to pander to his horrible bloody parents?! Either tell him no, you don't want them there and if he wants to see them he can go to them, or (if he digs his heels in) make it clear that you won't be catering to them - at all. They will be his problem in every respect, and any rudeness from them will be met with blisteringly short fucking shrift.

maslinpan · 03/12/2023 19:08

The bonus of splitting up with your DH is that you are also splitting up with his parents. So no, you don't owe them a last Christmas.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 03/12/2023 19:10

maslinpan · 03/12/2023 19:08

The bonus of splitting up with your DH is that you are also splitting up with his parents. So no, you don't owe them a last Christmas.

🛎 🛎 🛎 This in spades

BrimfulOfMash · 03/12/2023 19:11

I would tell him no.

That with things so difficult you both need to be able to stay calm for your kids with no extra pressures at all.

LadyOfTheCanyon · 03/12/2023 19:12

Out of interest, why did you surrender your license?

Loopytiles · 03/12/2023 19:13

No to this!

Do your H and his parents know you’re splitting up?

Neriah · 03/12/2023 19:14

I seriously hope that the "ending it all" comment wasn't serious, but if so it isn't in the best of tastes. If it was serious, please get help. And start by telling the ex that no it isn't OK and it also isn't happening. Stand up for yourself and make it clear they aren't coming, and that if they do you will be having nothing whatsoever to do with them. Find some books to read, binge watch the series you never got a chance to watch, or whatever YOU want to do.

Flensburg · 03/12/2023 19:15

I'm so sorry but please don't end it all. Do phone the samaritans or another helpline if you feel like this.
Will your husband listen if you say No? If not, can you afford to go to an air b and b or hotel on your own over Christmas?

kitsuneghost · 03/12/2023 19:15

Go out for the night. Book a restaurant and a hotel. Let your husband deal with the family.

Pottedpalm · 03/12/2023 19:15

All these people saying book somewhere for yourself and the children… maybe the OP doesn’t have money for a smart hotel or Air b&b with facilities to have a comfortable Christmas. Even a Travelodge is expensive and Christmas would be pretty miserable.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 03/12/2023 19:16

If he doesn't know present him with divorce papers a la Den style... Personally I would have Christmas day the day before then let h serve them whatever he wants on Christmas day..

Sholkedabemus · 03/12/2023 19:17

It’s a big fat, go fuck yourselves from me. You really don’t need this.

kitsuneghost · 03/12/2023 19:17

Just saw its a week. Book a holiday

WallaceinAnderland · 03/12/2023 19:18

You don't have to do any of this.

What would happen if you simply say no?

1983Louise · 03/12/2023 19:20

Just say no, let your ex go to his parents for Christmas dinner and you enjoy yours with your children, problem solved..............

PonyPatter44 · 03/12/2023 19:20

Ending it all is NOT the answer. Apart from anything else, you have children who need you and to whom you are the whole world.

If you and DH are splitting up, these people won't be your ILs anymore. The greatest extra bonus that came from splitting with my exH was that I never had to have anything to do with his bloody horrific mother any more. I haven't spoken to the woman since 2015, it's great! Do as you please this year - if you want to go and sit in your room and read, do it. Their opinions of you no longer matter!

Autumn1990 · 03/12/2023 19:21

There are a number of options
book somewhere else and go away for Christmas. Cheap b&b by the sea or centre parcs type place
Say no
Have an activity planned for everyday for you and the kids and leave them to it. Can be paid for activities or can be free ones. Possible free ones include visit your local forest either take hot food in a flask or take a bbq, go to seaside for fish and chips or picnic, walk on the beach etc, walk round the sales etc until you’ve filled everyday except Xmas day

isthismylifenow · 03/12/2023 19:21

He 'asked' you. You don't have to agree to it.

Surely things are tense enough in the house if you are soon divorcing (how long until this happens?).

And for a whole week!

You don't have to be the gracious host to his family anymore OP.