oh god

[allgonebellyup]

i just tried to hang myself but i managed to get myself out of it, i feel like all the blood vessells in my face have burst.
i couldnt even do that right.
what the fuck can i do

lucyellensmum - you are so right. i have just spoken to my sister about this and she said exactly the same thing as you - that he must drop the children at the door, not come in, and deff no long conversations with me.

sometimes we manage this and sometimes we dont. the weeks where we have no contact (eg no constant texting like we often have)is when i feel the best, even though when we do have long conversations about the past it gives me a pathetic little glimmer of hope, even though i know it ll be fruitless.

i have to stop all the texting and talking, and make a break away from him, i know.

He seems to like the idea of two women in love with him - makes him feel special. Truth is, he's fathered children with both and is not a real man.

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no havent made an appmnt as knew i would feel better when the kids came back and also when i go back to work on mondays.
am just going to avoid him like the plague, even though i need him to do loads of work on the house (which i have to pay him for).

Hi,

If you have to pay xh to do the work, do you not think that you may be better off paying for a handyman to do it instead?
That way you will not be tormenting yourself about how things could be and having xh in your house, if you see what I mean.

well i will only be paying him a little bit! he is a builder anyway

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thanks for asking..

i felt fine yesterday but really low again today, almost suicidal i would say really, though not to the point where i would try to do something again.

i just feel like there will never be anything or anyone to look forward to, it will just be me on my own from the age of 27, while that other woman has my bloke, his unborn child and my son (ds goes to stay for a week at a time sometimes).

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Having read through your thread I can only offer a shoulder. I have been on AP after DD was born know the feeling of being in the darkest place but would never have had the courage to go through with anything.
It was always the thought of not being able to see my dd grow up.
Just take everyday as it comes, small steps.But you may already know all this so excuse my ignorance. . . Try doing something for yourself when DS is away. Do anything to keep your mind off it. It helps joining a group and being able to talk to strangers. To know you are not alone.
My best mate has a similar situation to you but her DS is 9 yrs old. She is back at college.
Don't feel alone.

go back to the doctors agbu, please.

I found calling NHS direct. They then referred me to the hospital. I just couldn't face walking into the doctors. Call them if you feel you are unable to tell the docs. They can then help.

AGBU - I can only agree with the others on here - it is not helpful to have long conversations/texting with him, it raises your hopes and expectations and then dashes them. You don't need it, so cut him back.

And the gf is only the fun one until she gets her own dc, - i bet there'll be less 'tickling' and fun then, when she's only got eyes for her own child.

Your dc need you.

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