Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

oh god

89 replies

allgonebellyup · 09/03/2008 10:32

i just tried to hang myself but i managed to get myself out of it, i feel like all the blood vessells in my face have burst.
i couldnt even do that right.
what the fuck can i do

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 09/03/2008 11:28

everyone keeps telling me that

i dont want to be stronger, tougher, resentful and bitter etc

i just want my old life back

OP posts:
Lulumama · 09/03/2008 11:31

but life is not static

even if you had not split from H, things change, nothing is ever the way it was

life is fluid , you need to remind yourself to swim with the tide and not get sucked under

i am a totally different person from teh one i was before i was depressed. a better person without a doubt.

a better mother, wife and friend

i am glad i am not the same person i was 5 or 10 years ago

i know that whatever life throws at me, i can come through it

surviving is not fun, but you will start livign again

CinderellaInCyberspace · 09/03/2008 11:35

as lula said
life is forever moving
dh says I will never be happy but Id will carry on the journey to see if I get there

I went through a very bad spilt and lost all,my home the stabilty and my repect for a while

My family pulled me through
I will always me grateful to them
I had very different life as a single mother for a while

try to just look a minute ahead please

allgonebellyup · 09/03/2008 11:38

i know i have become a nicer person since the split, i was a bitch before.
now not so sarcastic and defensive now.
never used to be able to talk about my feelings or cry infront of anyone, but i can now.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 09/03/2008 11:39

that is huge progress......it is not all bad.

it is hard when depression suddenly body slams you....

i have to go out soon, but i will be thinking of you and i hope that you are feeling better , or at least not as bad .

take care x

lucyellensmum · 09/03/2008 13:22

AGBU - glad to see you are feeling a little bit more positive. I hope you have a nice lunch. I often wonder how mums cope when their kids are with the exes. It might be worth having something arranged for you to enjoy, something you can't do with the kids around - turn it into a positive.

I really think you should return to see your doctor though, i had an episode like this not so long ago, i didn't do anything but i felt like i was going to - i didnt even want to . Go and see the doctors, you might benefit from a change in medication.

Well done for asking for help and honestly, really really well done for picking yourself up after this morning, you are an inspiration. Brave is an understatement.

Lomond · 09/03/2008 14:16

Glad you are feeling a bit more positive but I still think you should seek more help or confide in someone in case you get really low again.

I agree with LEM, you are very brave and will get throught this.

Janni · 09/03/2008 14:25

Allgonebellyup - it is SO good that you came on here to talk even though you felt in that moment that you wanted your life to be over. That is brave and strong, well done.

It does not matter WHAT your children say about your ex and his GF. Not in a million years would they think their comments might make you take your life.

It is hard for you to see beyond how you feel right now, but you MUST believe us when we say that YOU MUST NOT HARM YOURSELF. Help is available. Your family would be completely devastated if you were gone and would blame themselves for ever more that they had not realised how depressed you were.

Don't forget the Samaritans are there 24/7 to talk if you need it. Also take notice of what everyone else has said about emergency psychiatric help.

Lots of love x

WallOfSilence · 09/03/2008 18:25

How're you feeling now AGBU?

Did you mention this mornings events to your mum or brother?

Dior · 09/03/2008 18:27

Message withdrawn

mamalovesmojitos · 09/03/2008 19:06

agbu. just saw your post. i'm a newbie but i recognise your name. your post sent chills down my spine. please come back on and let us know how you are feeling. if you need to chat i will ring you or instant msg you as i'm sure many mnetters would. please just take it hour by hour. things will get better, they really will. will watch thread til you post.

Lulumama · 09/03/2008 19:20

just checking in . hope you are doing a bit better

QuintessentialShadow · 09/03/2008 19:32

Allgonebellyup, I have seen some of your threads but never posted as I have had no word of wisdom.

I am glad you found courage to take that rope away.

My best friend from school took her own life when her dd was just a year old. She slit her wrists while her dd was at the nursery. Her Ex got a call from the nursery that dd had not been picked up, mum was not answering the phone could he please come. He picked up dd, went to the flat, and with the little girl on his arm found the mum in a pool of blood on the floor. She had been dead a while.

It 15 years ago now. I have still not got over it.

You mean a lot to a lot of people close to you. You may be unable to see future happyness right now, but it will come. Not tomorrow, maybe not next month, but it will be there.

You recognise why you are unhappy, you know the reason, you can dig yourself out of this dark pit. Meanwhile, get some help. You are very brave.

WatsTheStory · 09/03/2008 19:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

allgonebellyup · 09/03/2008 20:21

Thanks to all of you for your concern

Lunch was nice - then we got a phone call from my uncle who was really shaken, saying that my cousin (his son) had tried to commit suicide last night..

They managed to find him in time, he had tried to suffocate himself (his mum is in a coma in hospital)

So i didnt mention what i had tried to do this morning. Weird timing, weird nasty day.

OP posts:
Lulumama · 09/03/2008 20:33

so how do you feel now? better, worse, the same?

mamalovesmojitos · 09/03/2008 20:38

hope you're feeling a bit stronger. do you have company tonight?

Janni · 09/03/2008 20:39

Allgonebellyup - it's more than 'concern' really. It's a desperate conviction that YOU NEED TO LIVE! Please keep posting.

tiredemma · 09/03/2008 20:41

You Ok tonight AGBU? How are you feeling?

lucyellensmum · 09/03/2008 21:42

AGBU, i am sorry to hear about your cousin, it really sounds like you have so much to deal with just now. You ARE allowed to feel shitty about things, but you must be kind to yourself and get yourself the help you need to get over this awful time in your life. It will get better, i think you know that, its just so difficult to see through the mists of depression. Hang on in there girl, if you can get through what you already have, you have proven to yourself really that you are strong enough to cope with whatever life throws at you. From what you say, it sounds like your family see you as a bit of a rock, it is OK to say, um, excuse me, help, i need some help too, that doesnt mean you dont have to help them if you feel up to it, but you need to let them know that you are in a bad place just now.

Do still please go to the doctors tomorrow and let us know how you get on.

Take care xx

lucyellensmum · 09/03/2008 21:44

That was a brave post watsthestory

allgonebellyup · 10/03/2008 07:25

thanks again for all your help

last night i felt rotten again as ex came round and we always end up talking for a good hour, then his car wouldnt start so i had to help him, then this man collapsed in the street so we had to call ambulance together for him.
my feelings for him will not go away, i dont invite him in to chat - he comes in to put ds to sleep then he always ends up talking to me.
i really and truly dont know how i will ever move on.

how do i stop my feelings? He even said last night he had never loved anyone in his life the way he loved me, how amazing it was etc, until we split (money troubles etc).. god how do i get over that?

OP posts:
Lulumama · 10/03/2008 08:44

your ex is being very unfair to you and his current parnter

you don;t need any complications at the moment

he might love you more than anything, but love is not always enough. if money worries split you, then love was not enough. talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words, don;t tehy? loving someone is not alwasy teh best reason to be with them, if the relationship is destructive and volatile

also, how would his current partner feel if she knew.. he is not behaving kindly to eitehr of you

you don;t need this

you need time and space to concentrate on you

i don;t know what the answer is as you will have to have contact with him due to the DC
except you ahve come this far

lucyellensmum · 10/03/2008 16:58

agbu, your ex is not being fair. He knows how vulnerable you are, he knows how you feel. Telling you all of that and then going back to his new woman is hardly going to help is it? You need to tell him that if he ever loved you as much as he says he did then he needs to let you go. Its like he wants his cake and eat it, new life with his new woman but still you to be there for him, as it were. Maybe he thinks he is being kind - he isn't.

I'm sorry this might sound harsh, but i think you should make him drop the children at the door, i know it will be pants for them if he puts them to bed, but in the long run it is better for them. I congratulate you on being able to have a conversation with this man, but you need to move on, and right now, deep meaningful dissection of your past at the kitchen table is as about destructive as it gets. Just tell him, it is not because you are trying to be a bitch etc, but you need to move on and that it hurts having these talks, so for now, please just pick up and leave the children. Maybe it would help to have someone with you when he drops them off.

I feel for you so much, i really do - i dont have a magic pill to make this go away for you. You ARE doing amazingly well actually.

Did you go back to the doctors to discuss meds?

superflybaby · 10/03/2008 17:30

This is such an open post, I feel I'm imposing by reading it. But I have to give you this aspect of your situation with your Children & your ex's GF. I have 2 Step Daughters, aged 10 & 11 and I have been in their life for 8 years. I have a baby with their Dad. They love me & think of me as the fun parent. But they love their Mum the most, of course they do. Things were very emotional for all involved in the beginning (btw I was NOT the cause of the split) but we have all reached a point now where we want the best for the Children. Their Mum has a chance to spend time with her friends who are very important to her & the kids do get a lot of love from me & my family. Their Dad too gets support from me which helps him be a better Dad. Their Mum knows her kids are well cared for when they stay with us. They are very much made to feel welcome & part of the family. I really hope I'm helping here - I intend no bad feeling. I just want you to know there are positive things to come out of all this.