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Original poster

In despair daughters graduation

103 replies

RedLister · 29/05/2023 10:30

I recently posted about my controlling husband and how I keep letting my daughter down because of him.
She is 23 and about to graduate from university. She wants all our family there, me, my parents and my sister plus my nephew
my husband has no family and he can’t go due to health issues. The problem is he won’t like everyone else going when he can’t
He says it looks bad on him if everyone else is there and that everyone is enjoying themselves and he is stuck at home.
He will not want this to happen but how can I tell her or them and I am scared to tell him as scared of his reaction
I don’t want S to think badly of her dad but this seems like an impossible situation for me
I feel like I can’t please everyone and don’t know what to do anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
RedLister · 29/05/2023 11:00

leopard22 · 29/05/2023 10:56

OP what will he do to you if you ignore him and say you're going along with whoever else you can get tickets for?

He will just be angry and accuse me of putting everyone else before him I suppose
he just thinks everything should revolve around him all the time

OP posts:
leopard22 · 29/05/2023 11:00

Can you link your first thread about him?

Original poster
RedLister · 29/05/2023 11:01

leopard22 · 29/05/2023 11:00

Can you link your first thread about him?

How do I do that

OP posts:
Stressfordays · 29/05/2023 11:01

I've just read your other post. You need to leave that monster. Hes trying to get you into sex work and stopping you from seeing your own family. You need to tell someone and you need to leave.

WateryDoom · 29/05/2023 11:01

I feel like I can’t please everyone and don’t know what to do anymore.

Well no. You can't please him. He's a dickhead. What he chooses to do is up to him, but you and everyone else who chooses to go is going to your DDs graduation.

He doesn't get a say in other people's actions. Just laugh at him as though he is patently ridiculous (which he is) in expecting to be the centre of attention and other people's priority when the day is about her for once.

leopard22 · 29/05/2023 11:02

When we have children they should be out before partners, 100%. Is making your daughter happy worth his anger? Is he going to hurt you?

PragmaticWench · 29/05/2023 11:03

"he doesn't even think she should visit them on her own and gets jealous"

Who is 'them'? Her aunt and cousin? If your DH is jealous of your DD visiting family he needs to sort himself out! Fair enough to be sad/frustrated if he's not well enough to socialise but his attitude towards others being able to is pathetic and controlling.

titchy · 29/05/2023 11:04

he thinks it’s just me and her boyfriend going

Keep it that way then. What your parents and sister decide to do that day doesn't involve him at all.

I will add to the LTB chorus. I also suspect you've probably left that too late as far as your dd is concerned and future your relationship with her has possibly gone.

Member869894 · 29/05/2023 11:05

As you say you cant please everyone and in this case you need to stop trying to. Have a read of the freedom programme online which will help you to see that you are being abused which is the first step to freeing yourself from it

Original poster
RedLister · 29/05/2023 11:07

titchy · 29/05/2023 11:04

he thinks it’s just me and her boyfriend going

Keep it that way then. What your parents and sister decide to do that day doesn't involve him at all.

I will add to the LTB chorus. I also suspect you've probably left that too late as far as your dd is concerned and future your relationship with her has possibly gone.

I still have a good relationship with my daughter but I know she is frustrated by her dad. Trouble is he doesn’t even know most of it as I don’t tell him for the sake of peace
he is not ever violent though let me be clear it’s just all emotional

OP posts:
leopard22 · 29/05/2023 11:07

@RedLister I've just read your other thread, that is not a relationship- he is a fucking prick ! Why are you still with him? What is it keeping you there?

OP posts:
Ihavekids · 29/05/2023 11:09

You're in despair about your daughter's graduation? Can't you see how wrong and sad that is?
Sorry if this is harsh, but you're being a terrible parent.
Find a way to leave your husband who is ruining your life and start to build up a relationship with other, more worthy people in your life.

LittleBearPad · 29/05/2023 11:09

He’s really very unpleasant, and you think your daughter doesn’t know? I’d imagine she knows exactly what her father’s like, as do your parents and sister. I also imagine they’d all happily help you to leave. Your choice.

titchy · 29/05/2023 11:12

I still have a good relationship with my daughter but I know she is frustrated by her dad. Trouble is he doesn’t even know most of it as I don’t tell him for the sake of peace

That's why I said future relationship. Right now it's ok, once she's out into the big wide world she won't be back to see you. And she does know most of it - don't kid yourself.

Pack a bag this afternoon and go to your parents. You could be shot of this abuse in a few hours.

RoseFl0wers · 29/05/2023 11:12

I’m slightly older than your Dd and graduated when I was slightly younger than her. We could only bring max 3 people so I’m surprised that she is bringing so many people! Also why are you with such a self-centred man?

Dolphinnoises · 29/05/2023 11:13

Go. Go go go. Not to is unforgivable.

GCAcademic · 29/05/2023 11:13

Have just read your other thread. Why are you with this utter fucking prick? He’s disgusting. Poor mental health isn’t an excuse for being an abuser. I hope that your daughter has somehow managed to avoid being raised to think that this is a normal relationship.

Quveas · 29/05/2023 11:14

I am speaking as a person with disabilities. Nothing on fucking earth would have stopped me going to my children's graduations (or anything else). There isn't a "health issue" in the world that can't be managed in some way. You go to your daughters graduation and you tell him that you are no longer being controlled by him and will do / dress / act as you wish. Stop pleasing everyone and please yourself.

FictionalCharacter · 29/05/2023 11:16

This lunatic (from your other thread)? :
He moans if my skirt is not short enough and pulls it up, he wants me to wear see thru tops when my parents visit and once when i covered it cos i was embarrassed he went crazy at me after they left. He went to bed said we were finished and was just generally angry.

You're seriously considering telling your daughter to keep her relatives away from her graduation, to appease this monster?

Why on earth are you still with him? If he really is so disabled he can't leave the house, it should be relatively easy to leave the bastard, because he can't do a thing about it.

tealgate · 29/05/2023 11:16

So how can we help you get out of this situation? Practically speaking?

Obviously you should go, as an adult woman you should be free to see your family, support your family, work where you want and have a peaceful life. You don't have any of those things but they can be yours Flowers

BrutusMcDogface · 29/05/2023 11:17

Oh, op. The more I read the sadder I feel for you. You are worth more than this.

LIZS · 29/05/2023 11:17

Of course you should go. Is it being broadcast online via zoom?

loislovesstewie · 29/05/2023 11:18

Why are you allowing yourself to be abused by this creep? You know it's wrong, you know your daughter is upset, so why? Just get out now.