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Original poster

In despair daughters graduation

103 replies

RedLister · 29/05/2023 10:30

I recently posted about my controlling husband and how I keep letting my daughter down because of him.
She is 23 and about to graduate from university. She wants all our family there, me, my parents and my sister plus my nephew
my husband has no family and he can’t go due to health issues. The problem is he won’t like everyone else going when he can’t
He says it looks bad on him if everyone else is there and that everyone is enjoying themselves and he is stuck at home.
He will not want this to happen but how can I tell her or them and I am scared to tell him as scared of his reaction
I don’t want S to think badly of her dad but this seems like an impossible situation for me
I feel like I can’t please everyone and don’t know what to do anymore

OP posts:
knottsberryfarm · 29/05/2023 10:33

Windows he think she should graduate alone?
Your poor daughter.
What are you looking for here? You know the right thing is to go.

knottsberryfarm · 29/05/2023 10:33

Does he think * not windows ffs

AtrociousCircumstance · 29/05/2023 10:34

You have to go. You can’t let him control you in this way. Let him grumble. You will survive it.

Clariana · 29/05/2023 10:35

If you are scared of him as you say, you should leave, and the graduation is just a side issue!

Saucemonkey · 29/05/2023 10:36

Tell him he comes or he doesn’t come - his choice, but who else attends is not for him to decide. Your child is graduating , it should be a celebration!

Peridot1 · 29/05/2023 10:37

Well if he says it looks bad on him to not be there point out it looks much worse if nobody from her family is there.

Obviously he is just a selfish arse though and it’s not about her or you but him feeling left out. So it’s time to finally put your daughter first. Just go. Tell him you are going. Or don’t ell him and just go in the day.

Theimpossiblegirl · 29/05/2023 10:37

Put your daughter first and go.
Then put yourself first and work out how to free yourself from your controlling husband.

UWhatNow · 29/05/2023 10:37

“I recently posted about my controlling husband and how I keep letting my daughter down because of him.”

The first sentence. You already know. He’s controlling and you continually prioritise him over your daughter. What a shame for her. She’s successfully graduated with a degree but her life education is so much sadder.

FrenchandSaunders · 29/05/2023 10:38

So is he suggesting just you stays at home with him? Or nobody goes? What will be his reaction if you say you’re going?

BlackandGold · 29/05/2023 10:38

When my children graduated we could only have 2 or 3 tickets per family; very limited numbers.
Are you planning a big family meal afterwards?

Just go!

Stressfordays · 29/05/2023 10:39

You need to go. If he has an issue with it, you leave him. Life sounds awful with him anyway and your children should be your priority.

Justcallmebebes · 29/05/2023 10:39

Of course you can't let your daughter down. You shouldn't even be contemplating his ridiculous, selfish needs over such a huge event in your daughter's life.

Just go. Leave him home if he doesn't want to go. What's the worst that can happen? Is he her father?

plugin12 · 29/05/2023 10:40

If you can't be strong for yourself at least find it within you to be strong for your daughter , if you don't go that will stay with her forever and he has won. Don't let yourself be scared let yourself be angry and get away from him.

MajesticWhine · 29/05/2023 10:41

Of course you must go. This is madness. Open up to others about what he is like and get support. Especially if you are in danger. This isn't normal or acceptable regardless of his health issues so don't put up with it. You shouldn't have to live in fear of having a normal life.

drpet49 · 29/05/2023 10:41

Your Daughter is 23 years old. How much longer are you going to subject her to her selfish fathers actions??

BrutusMcDogface · 29/05/2023 10:42

Jesus Christ. Nobody, and I mean nobody, would stop me going to my own child’s graduation, or make me feel bad for doing so. He sounds like a monumental arse. Please leave him.

titchy · 29/05/2023 10:46

You don't need to tell him anything. He knows about the graduation. He's said he isn't well enough to attend. End of.

martha4clark · 29/05/2023 10:47

If you are scared to tell him that you will be going to support your daughter, there is something seriously wrong. Your daughter should come first - to you, and to her dad.
My daughter would never forgive me if I didnt go to her graduation because her dad didn't want me to.

Original poster
RedLister · 29/05/2023 10:47

I don’t know he sees it as not important cos he hates all that stuff and thinks as long as her boyfriend is there it is ok

OP posts:
leopard22 · 29/05/2023 10:51

Why are you even questioning whether to go or not- who would you rather upset? Are the rest of your family not going to go because of your situation too? How sad for your daughter.

leopard22 · 29/05/2023 10:56

OP what will he do to you if you ignore him and say you're going along with whoever else you can get tickets for?

Original poster
RedLister · 29/05/2023 10:56

UWhatNow · 29/05/2023 10:37

“I recently posted about my controlling husband and how I keep letting my daughter down because of him.”

The first sentence. You already know. He’s controlling and you continually prioritise him over your daughter. What a shame for her. She’s successfully graduated with a degree but her life education is so much sadder.

Yes I know it is so sad for her and you are right but it doesn’t make it any easier

OP posts:
MintyCedric · 29/05/2023 10:57

Your husband is an arsehole.

Go…along with your family and have a wonderful day celebrating with your daughter.

If you want to appease the twat, perhaps suggest the two of them go out for a special dad/daughter dinner to celebrate…but frankly if I was your DD I wouldn’t bother.

Hbh17 · 29/05/2023 10:57

Just go. He can't stop you. Then take time to speak to an appropriate charity for advice on how/whether to end the relationship.

Original poster
RedLister · 29/05/2023 10:59

FrenchandSaunders · 29/05/2023 10:38

So is he suggesting just you stays at home with him? Or nobody goes? What will be his reaction if you say you’re going?

Well he doesn’t know yet that’s the problem
he thinks it’s just me and her boyfriend going
I have no idea what his reaction will be but judging by the fact he doesn’t even think she should visit them on her own and gets jealous then I can only imagine the worst

OP posts: