Talk me down. I want to end things

[Beachbreak2411]

Thins are shit. I’m in massive dept and don’t know how to sort it. I fell asleep today and missed picking my daughter up from a sports class so my parents got her and won’t bring her home. I’m googling easy ways to kill myself and have written my goodbye notes. I don’t want to leave my daughter but I’m not worthy of her and she’s going to be better without me.

I hope you can get head down tonight, knowing that you are loved - by us lot, who have been there. You do have purpose and you are worthy. Most of all you are special.

Wrap yourself up and get some sleep knowing that hugs are being sent to you.
Soldier Mummy. Keep on.

You've got this. I'm sending a wrap around, my arms around you hug. A kiss on your cheek. Sleep well and sleep soundly. You're not alone xxx

I couldn’t pass without saying, like some on here, I have lost a wonderful cousin to suicide, who had a 7 year old daughter.
i know if she had seen the pain her daughter has been through she wouldn’t of done it.
Honestly sorting debt out seems scary, but make the phone calls tomorrow and set up payment plans. Even a minimum of 1 pound.
your daughter needs you. You need her. You sound like an amazing mother, just having a rough time. It’ll be ok. I’m sending love and light. We know you are strong enough and you got this!

Please seek help, my dad committed suicide, he use to forget to pick us up and other parents used to take us home until my mum finished work. I would of took that over never seeing him again. 36 and still living with trauma of my dad.

There is so much support please don't take such a permanent measure.

I hope you'll be ok don't be too hard on your self your only human xxx

I can’t express how much I appreciate you all. You talked me down and I reached out to my best friend (who sadly lives in Australia) and she sent me the loveliest message that added to your support. Thank you

OP please get the help you need. ❤️❤️ I lost my brother to suicide and he left his 7 year old son and it has been truly devastating for him, his wife, and everyone. You are loved and your daughter needs you and only you. Your Mother sounds really horrible to say that about you. Please get the help you need - you deserve to get this help and better days will come I am sure xxx ❤️❤️

Aww what a lovely friend op 😍

We're here OP all listening and sending you love x

I actually can’t believe how lovely you’ve all been. You’ve talked me down from what I was intending to do. Thank you. All the lovely comments about my daughter and her need of me were what saved me. Thank you . Xx

It’s all true OP, when you feel better you’ll see that for yourself. Promise xxx

Save this thread op and have a read when you are feeling better or need to have it reinforced. You have touched so many people who care and are rooting for you.

Be proud. Proud of yourself for coming through this. Proud of your daughter. Be very proud.

Also, your mother is vile and should be kicked right into touch. You don't owe her anything.

You are an amazing mother to have raised your daughter the way you have if that was your role model.

You are your daughter's world. She doesn't care if you're not perfect.

She just cares for you.

I hope you're sleeping ♥️

I should be!! Xx

And what a beautiful friend you have too.

Be kind to yourself. You deserve some kindness xx

How could your DD be better off with people that would say something like this then with the mum that loves her? We had very little growing up, I wouldn't have traded my mum for anything. She needs you to stick around. I've been there, losing a parent to their MH issues is something you never completely get over. She won't be better off, no way.

Please keep reaching out for the love and kindness and support that you deserve, the world is overwhelming and a toxic family and your difficult mother must make it seem insurmountable but believe me when I say that I can clearly see that there is not a chance that your wonderful, vivacious and beloved daughter would be better raised by a grandmother who has made you feel this awful about yourself. There might be many factors at play but, if you could transcend time, do you think that there's a chance that your mean mum in her fancy house might also tear down your incredible daughter and make her believe that she's 'not good enough', the same what she has you?
Do not allow that to happen, if you are feeling desperate then there are options - Stepchange will help you stay afloat and your daughter will help you find the strength to live - just think, if your child is this awesome, how incredible will your granddaughters be? Make sure you're there for them too. Xx

I know that probably feels really trite and impossible from where you are, but I've been there a couple of times over the past two decades and the really bad stuff does pass. The suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem really is true. Your mum sounds toxic though and you might feel a bit better without that in your life. It sounds like she has scapegoated you, that can be really destructive for your self esteem. If you haven't come across the stately home thread on the relationships board yet, you might find some good support there. Thinking of you and your DD and wishing you both all the best, please hang in there, for yourself as well as your DD.

This is all you. Sometimes you just need a little reminding. You're doing a wonderful job. I hope you managed to get a good sleep and feel a bit better this morning.

Call your GP and call Stepchange this morning if you feel up to this. We're here to help you through it, but you're the one doing the hard work

Wish I could give you all a hug. Thank you for being there with me when I felt at my lowest. I will be ringing doc when it opens and attempting to get an appointment. But thank you for helping me realise I can’t leave my girl xx

Please keep us updated how your drs appointment goes this morning x

When you call the docs, tell them you're having a mental health crisis. That words really important because they have a duty of care and will prioritise you.

We're here OP all listening and sending you love x

Good luck at the doctors, be honest with them, don't come out without a prescription for something to help. Then a day of being kind to yourself, eat enough, drink enough, and we're all here.

Hello @Beachbreak2411.

I just wanted to come on here and offer some support. I was very recently in a much similar position to you. I also have a daughter (she's 2) and something I did really helped me. I don't know if it'll help you, but it did me.
On a day where you spend a full day with your daughter maybe on a weekend. Every time she asks you something or comes to you for something, and everything you have done for her that day. Even little things like made her dinner or passed her something, write it down on your phone. In your notes. Don't think too much into it and don't miss it out just because it seems pointless. Write everything down. Not in huge detail.

I'm going to show you bits from my list from a few months ago, I'll copy and paste it into this post.

Gave DD some warm milk and a hug
Had a bath with DD
Made myself and DD some toast
Told DD I love her
Got DD dressed today in a pretty dress and told her she is beautiful
Took DD to soft play with her friends, she had such a smile on her face it was priceless.
Chatted to DD in the car and put her favourite song on the way home.
Made DD a picnic lunch and put Stuart little on.
Cuddled DD to sleep and we had a nap together on the sofa.
Changed DDs nappy.
Made DD some water and gave her some fruit.
Made her bed and tidied her room.
Got some play dough for DD and made us lunch.
Ate lunch together and we spoke about the colours on her plate.
Told DD she has the most beautiful green eyes.
Plaited DDs hair.
Got dinner ready and ate together with daddy.
Gave DD her milk and read her a story.
Put DD to bed and cuddled her until she was asleep.
Kissed her and told her I love her so much.

Once you've done your list, read it. Look at what those little things have accomplished. Those little things are what shape your child, and make them who they are. Now imagine if you took all of those things away from her. And you! Every single one. From a kiss on the forehead to plaiting her hair. With me not being here, we'd both never experience those again. I know DD loves me with all of her heart, and your DD OP will love you with all of her heart. Those little things that are everyday mundane things are what means the most to the both of you. By you not being here takes all of those things away. From both of you. If you weren't here, your daughter would give anything and everything in this world for you to brush her hair again. For you to give her a hug. YOU have shaped your girl to be an awesome kid.
Those things listed above, my DD couldn't give a shite if that was in a huge house paid for given by her grandparents or in a garden shed. It's bricks and mortar. What she does care about are what happens in that home. The home that YOU have made for her. And to lose all of those things would break her beyond belief.

Your girl needs you.
You are the centre of her world.
Give yourself some credit, pat yourself on the back, dust yourself off and make that phone all to the doctors. As I promise you, from somebody who was SO close to ending it all, it'll be the best thing you'll ever do. For you and your daughter.
Sending you so much love and strength. It gets better. I promise.

This song by Whitney really helped me when I was low! Hope your GP appointment went well today.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Iw3WbIbeXEU

Long term think of goals and plans. Maybe even visiting your Australian friend. You can do it.