Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Talk me down. I want to end things

104 replies

Beachbreak2411 · 02/05/2023 18:37

Thins are shit. I’m in massive dept and don’t know how to sort it. I fell asleep today and missed picking my daughter up from a sports class so my parents got her and won’t bring her home. I’m googling easy ways to kill myself and have written my goodbye notes. I don’t want to leave my daughter but I’m not worthy of her and she’s going to be better without me.

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 02/05/2023 19:13

Please don’t do this.
This thread has made me feel very tearful and I don’t cry often. I cried a few months ago when my daughter tried to take her own life.
She will not be better off without you. You said she’s clean, warm, fed and most importantly loved. You have done an amazing job and she will need you to provide her that love for many years to come.
You’re reaching out to us now for support, please take yourself to A&E now; you will be safe. Please.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 02/05/2023 19:17

Actually op, given how fab your daughter sounds it seems to me she needs someone exactly like you. You have shaped her into the lovely person she is.

Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 02/05/2023 19:19

Thank you all. You are so lovey. I don’t know how to tell anyone I need help. My parents wouldn’t give a shit; my boyfriend I’m scared to tell him as don’t want to worry him

OP posts:
InceyWinceySpidy · 02/05/2023 19:25

She will wonder, for the rest of her life, why she was not enough.

She needs you more than you will ever know.

Debt, can be fixed. You are important, you are loved by her and your boyfriend. You matter. If you can't see your worth right now, that's ok, but trust me when I say others do see it.

You can and will work through this. The only way is up OP. Talk here as much as you need too. Call the Samaritans. Tomorrow, is the first day of the rest of your life xxx

GoodChat · 02/05/2023 19:26

Beachbreak2411 · 02/05/2023 19:19

Thank you all. You are so lovey. I don’t know how to tell anyone I need help. My parents wouldn’t give a shit; my boyfriend I’m scared to tell him as don’t want to worry him

Talk to him. Let him worry. Let him help. Sometimes you need people to lean on.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 02/05/2023 19:26

I wouldn't have anything to do with your parents if I was you to be honest but you should definitely lean on your partner. I'd be crushed if my partner felt like this but didn't tell me for fear of worrying me. You need to speak to him and talk about how desperate you feel. He wont be able to magically get rid of debt for example but you won't feel alone.

Pinksmyfavoritecolour · 02/05/2023 19:32

You've taken the first step right here with this post!
Next step is a call to your gp tomorrow, get some antidepressants maybe, a blood test might be a good thing too.
Feed yourself, your daughter and boyfriend if he lives with you, simple stuff beans on toast, jacket potato, and drink enough water, tea, coffee, squash. One day at a time, or if that's too big and overwhelming one hour at a time.

FeltedDogs · 02/05/2023 19:38

I'm going to sleep now but couldn't go without sending you love and my thoughts. I believe it is perfectly possible to care about people via the Internet and I really do. Take very special care and sleep knowing people out there (and I'm 3500 miles away) DO care about you xxx

Showersugar · 02/05/2023 19:50

Kids don't turn out to be awesome, clean, bright and loveable by accident - you're obviously doing something very, very right.

Tell us a bit more about your daughter, and what you've done to shape her into the fab little human she's become?

Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 02/05/2023 19:55

Showersugar · 02/05/2023 19:50

Kids don't turn out to be awesome, clean, bright and loveable by accident - you're obviously doing something very, very right.

Tell us a bit more about your daughter, and what you've done to shape her into the fab little human she's become?

She’s just an awesome kid. I read to her every night and tell her what she does that makes me proud/ happy. If she’s being an idiot I shove her in water. I know by her smell what she needs. But she’s just great. Everyone loves her because she’s just so polite and funny and lovable. It’s not down to me. It’s just her xx

OP posts:
MoominGang · 02/05/2023 19:59

Please get help. Samaritans or A&E. Your daughter needs you !

TheChosenTwo · 02/05/2023 20:01

Believe it or not that IS down to you. She can’t be what she can’t see. I’d hazard a guess that you are all of those things too. And more. Much much more.
Talk to your partner.

NurseCranesRolodex · 02/05/2023 20:02

She sounds lovely and very close to you. I hope you sense you are not alone but you sound like you have some deep wounds from your relationship with your own family. You can get help to change how you allow that to continue. Most of all I just wanted you to know I've been where you are and reaching out is the key. It can transform. Tell your boyfriend what you've written here. Let him help. Eat something get temporary medication to help take the edge of, just move forward. You will be happy again, you have a right to be happy and so does your lovely girl.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 02/05/2023 20:23

There's no way she's just naturally that awesome without any input from you! Our life experiences mould and shape us into the people we become.

Cut yourself some (a lot) of slack.

Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 02/05/2023 20:35

I’m realy not lovable. My parents and brothers don’t even like me. I’ve tried to demonstrate to her to be kind, compassionate and have a good sense of humour. She’s the best child I’ve ever met. My family say they don’t know how she’s my child 🙈 she’s so lovely
and pretty. I’m jealous of the huge houses my parents have built my brothers instead of being pleased for them. That’s not nice of me!!

OP posts:
PinotPony · 02/05/2023 20:39

Your daughter loves you. That means you're loveable.

Tinytigertail · 02/05/2023 20:42

Beachbreak2411 · 02/05/2023 20:35

I’m realy not lovable. My parents and brothers don’t even like me. I’ve tried to demonstrate to her to be kind, compassionate and have a good sense of humour. She’s the best child I’ve ever met. My family say they don’t know how she’s my child 🙈 she’s so lovely
and pretty. I’m jealous of the huge houses my parents have built my brothers instead of being pleased for them. That’s not nice of me!!

I bet your daughter would say that you are lovable, and hopefully your partner too. I think anyone would feel jealousy if their siblings had houses built for them and they didn't. Your parents have done you a great disservice, but you do matter and you are important.

SnoopyTwirl · 02/05/2023 20:44

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this and I know you are in a lot of pain.
Please please don't end it. This will pass. I promise.
Your daughter will never ever get over it. She may be well looked after but that will never compensate. Don't do that to her.

Original poster
Beachbreak2411 · 02/05/2023 20:51

Thank you all. I’ve made myself a cup of tea and put heating on, and reading my book. (And cuddled the 10 kittens my 2 cats have had!) she’s awesome; you are right and I can’t leave her. Xx

OP posts:
ArcticBells · 02/05/2023 20:53

You sound such a lovely mum. Flowers

Snoopyandthemuppets · 02/05/2023 20:58

Beachbreak2411 · 02/05/2023 20:51

Thank you all. I’ve made myself a cup of tea and put heating on, and reading my book. (And cuddled the 10 kittens my 2 cats have had!) she’s awesome; you are right and I can’t leave her. Xx

Good.

your parents are abusive

they aren’t supporting you - they are knocking you down

do you know about trauma bonding and narcissists?

see your GP asap - call and get an emergency appointment

your daughter needs you not them

move far away if you can or at least take them off your list of safe adults to pick your daughter up

look at a local church or community group you can join

get some mental health support

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 02/05/2023 20:58

Please don't leave your daughter.

You may think she will be better off but carrying around the weight that her mom didn't stick around will weigh her down more.

Go and get her, she's YOUR daughter and she needs you.

Keep talking to us and people in real life.

Things will get better

LobsterBiscuit · 02/05/2023 20:59

"If she’s being an idiot I shove her in water. I know by her smell what she needs."

I don't really know what this means OP, and 10 kittens plus cats? Can you take them to a rescue place or something? Lots to be dealing with

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 02/05/2023 21:00

You sound like a lovely mum!

For what it’s worth 2 children 11 and 9 lost their DF to suicide after he had a nervous breakdown about a week ago. God knows how they and their DM are coping. Seemingly perfect middle class family too. My best friend a few years back committed suicide after 3 years of mental health issues which were being treated - what I’m trying to say is everyone would miss you, people are sometimes dealt shit cards in life but it’s how you deal with these cards that makes the difference!

I wish I had 10 kittens to look after and watch grow and play with each other! That’ll be entertaining for you! Take care and a big unmumsnetty hug to you.

JamSandle · 02/05/2023 21:00

Your daughter couldn't be better off without you. It would break her forever. There are ways out of any problem. But please don't leave your daughter alone without you.