Overcoming driving anxiety

[MunsteadWood]

Had previous thread deleted as worried it was too identifying. Here's a shorter version.

I've been suffering with driving anxiety for several years which leads to me avoiding driving often for long periods at a time. I hate this about myself, and am increasingly starting to feel trapped by the anxiety as I'm so often opting out of doing things / going places I would enjoy because I'd have to drive to get there. I really want to fix it.

My analysis is that it's a combination of many years of very little or no driving (passed test young then had a good decade or more of barely needing to drive as I lived in London etc. Plus a couple of bad experiences - one an accident, not at all my fault (I was a passenger, and it was the other vehicles who were at fault rather than DH and me) but our car was written off, plus one near miss many years ago which was a result of a stupid error of judgement on my part (no accident caused but very scary).

DH and I now live in a small town where we don't need to drive, but doing so really enhances our quality of life as there are lots of lovely places in the nearby countryside to visit etc.

I've tried refresher lessons, which helped a bit (the instructor basically said I could drive perfectly fine, there's no problem technically) and read a few self help type books but still can't shift the feeling of dread.

But I want so badly to fix it! I've agreed to drive somewhere local tomorrow, which I really don't want to do, but im going to make myself. And I've sent off a few enquiries about CBT type therapy.

Has anyone else experienced this and overcome it? I want so badly to feel comfortable about - or even enjoy - driving.

Honestly the only thing that worked for me was driving every day and then increasing the distances with each journey. I was petrified but just had to push through the fear.

The more you drive the easier it will become. Although you don’t need to drive in your small town you may find if you force yourself to drive short distances to work or the shops etc (even if walking or public transport is suitable) several times across the week your confidence would grow. I would be anxious about driving too if it was something I only did sporadically and if I didn’t regularly drive familiar routes such as those to work, friends and the shops.

Have you considered hypnosis? A couple of sessions should be sufficient.

I have had hypnotherapy to overcome driving anxiety which was exacerbated by being in an accident as a passenger (not injured) one month after passing my driving test.
it really helped me. I drive regularly now

I suffer with anxiety around driving as well. Ok with places I have driven to before, not new places though. Sounds like hypnotherapy could be an option.

Thanks so much for the replies. I'm sure you're right I need to push myself gradually out of my comfort zone and do it. That was part of my thinking with the journey tomorrow. It's just to the next town and back, but it's been niggling in the back of my mind (and waking me up at night) all week. But I'm trying to focus on reframing my anxiety as excitement (who am I kidding, ha) and concentrating on how good I'm going to feel when I get home and have done it.

@Treetrim how are you with driving now? Has your anxiety gone?

And thanks for the suggestion of hypnotherapy, I'll look into it.

@Eviebeans do you mind me asking what your hypnotherapy involved? How many sessions did you need? Fantastic it helped you so much.

I suffer with this too but I agree with a previous poster the more you drive the less anxious you will be. If I haven’t driven in a while and get back in the car I really have to psych myself up. If I’m going somewhere I don’t know I plan my route meticulously. This was caused by a couple of accidents I had years ago and I have never been able to go back to the scene. So really all my advice would be is to drive often to build up your confidence again. Good luck xx

Agree with others. You just have to get in the car and drive. Don't go online and scrutinise the online maps etc. I go through periods of driving anxiety. I just try and push myself.

I do find using a satnav while driving helps though.

Do you have a manual or automatic transmission? An automatic takes a lot of the stress out of driving, especially in built up areas.

Other than that, I would say force yourself to do a little driving every day. Do a variety of maneuvers over the course of a week - left and right turns, parking, backing out, maybe a roundabout. Try slower and faster routes. Drive in various weather and light conditions as you gain confidence.

I suffered with driving anxiety which went away when I forced myself to drive daily. I still feel anxious going places I've not been so I use Waze as it tells me which lane to be in

I always get anxious when I haven't driven. A while back I had a job where I had to drive in every day and it was a lovely feeling to be largely free of the anxiety. It really is just do it I think.

I did have hypnotherapy to help pass my test, and I would def consider that again if I got to the point where I couldn't push past it. I also, if it's really bad, sometimes do a Google map drive along the route, so that I have a better idea of what the roads look like and there are less surprises.

Good luck xx

It's manual, but I think I'm ok about that, it's a nice car to drive (big enough to feel secure but small enough to feel easyish to manoeuvre if you see what I mean). I think one issue is that it's quite a new car which DH is quite precious about (fair enough I guess, it wasn't cheap) so that's probably a bit of a source of stress. And I've got two small DC which I think adds to it too, as I'm feeling responsible for keeping them safe.

I think if I'm honest I'm also a bit of an anxious person generally, and tend to get a bit of imposter syndrome at work etc. But this is much better than it was, it's definitely driving where it manifests most.

Oh I sympathise woth this. Mine is a fear of motorways! Happened around 7 ish years ago, I would rather drive back roads for 3 hours than a 40 min motorway drive. I don't know how to change it or why it happened (nothing happened to warrant this) my anxiety after losing my Husband 9 years ago just became drastically worse so it's probs down to that. Sorry I can't help but understand

I still get very nervous on motorways but day to day driving is absolutely fine - in fact I enjoy it

@Treetrim that's amazing, well done. This thread has given me a little boost and I now feel more hopeful that I can do it! I'm still crapping myself about the drive tomorrow but also feel determined that I'm going to do it and that I'm going to get past this. I need to stop handing DH the keys every time we go out anywhere together, and start doing some of the driving myself instead. Also looking into hypnotherapy options locally as sounds like that might be worth a try too.

It was one two hour session which involved talking at first and then hypnosis. I was given a cd to listen to at home and a small coloured stone to act as a “post hypnotic prompt”. Some may say it’s a load of rubbish. I decided to try it as I felt like I was experiencing an unusual reaction which I felt could benefit from an unusual response. I had of course already been told that I just needed to get over it - so helpful- when at that point I was so anxious that I couldn’t even tolerate being a passenger while someone else was driving so anything felt worth a try.

I'm in a similar situation so will follow your progress!
I had an accident on M1 in 2018 and since then I have become really anxious of driving. I'm OK locally but even the ring road with multiple lanes is something I will avoid and I stress out even as a passenger on the motorway. But I have found myself feeling excluded from certain things if it involves driving or being a passenger on a long/busy journey that's not accessible by public transport. So I really want to find a way over it.

How old are you? It's a strange thing but, if you read menopause groups around the place, there are a lot of women who develop driving anxiety around menopause. No, it doesn't make any sense. I started taking a low dose antidepressant and it fixed it.

Thank you. I'm late 30s, so bit early for menopause I think. But I think the birth of my children was a contributor. I'd put it down to the increased sense of responsibility while in the car but maybe there's something hormonal there too. I do find my anxiety and stress in general is much worse in the few days leading up to my period.

And @Noseylittlemoo sorry to hear this is affecting you too. Let's keep this thread open and share notes on what works. I'm so determined to get past this.

Thanks @MunsteadWood :-)

Update - I did it! I was really worried about it beforehand but did 3 drives today, none of which I'd done before and including roundabouts onto dual carriageway and a bit of manoeuvring around a car park. I drove further to park in the easy spaces and generally took it slowly but I'm so pleased that I did it. Now just need to build up the courage to do it again!! There were a couple of moments where I started feeling nervous but I surprised myself by actually quite enjoying it at times for much of the journey. Thanks so much for all your encouragement, I'm feeling a little more hopeful now.

Well done you!!