Overcoming driving anxiety

[MunsteadWood]

Had previous thread deleted as worried it was too identifying. Here's a shorter version.

I've been suffering with driving anxiety for several years which leads to me avoiding driving often for long periods at a time. I hate this about myself, and am increasingly starting to feel trapped by the anxiety as I'm so often opting out of doing things / going places I would enjoy because I'd have to drive to get there. I really want to fix it.

My analysis is that it's a combination of many years of very little or no driving (passed test young then had a good decade or more of barely needing to drive as I lived in London etc. Plus a couple of bad experiences - one an accident, not at all my fault (I was a passenger, and it was the other vehicles who were at fault rather than DH and me) but our car was written off, plus one near miss many years ago which was a result of a stupid error of judgement on my part (no accident caused but very scary).

DH and I now live in a small town where we don't need to drive, but doing so really enhances our quality of life as there are lots of lovely places in the nearby countryside to visit etc.

I've tried refresher lessons, which helped a bit (the instructor basically said I could drive perfectly fine, there's no problem technically) and read a few self help type books but still can't shift the feeling of dread.

But I want so badly to fix it! I've agreed to drive somewhere local tomorrow, which I really don't want to do, but im going to make myself. And I've sent off a few enquiries about CBT type therapy.

Has anyone else experienced this and overcome it? I want so badly to feel comfortable about - or even enjoy - driving.

I haven't driven for ages and then thinking about it makes me feel anxious again. However I did have a positive experience on Monday - someone offered me a lift home from work (1h + car journey instead of my usual train journey). I agreed and then really panicked about the route which included Motorway. But the car was quite big and the driver was very calm and it was actually fine.

Hello, I thought I’d resurrect this thread and see how everyone is getting on?

Hi @Worryant . I drive to my work in the city 35 miles away. I’m fine with it, but still struggle with speed. I’m too scarred to drive fast. I’ve tried to go on the double carriage way twice and was fine, but still, couldn’t dare to drive faster then 50 miles per hour and that’s not good on the 70/h limit.

Hi, I'd like to join! I passed my test about 18 months ago. With a small child and a full time job that I commute to via train I have found it slow going gaining experience. I only recently plucked up the courage to go on the motorway on my own - for two junctions, as I am not keen on the busy roundabouts leading up the motorway or the high speeds.

Also, I've been reading your posts over the last few weeks and found them encouraging which helped with the decision to try the motorway on my own for the first time!

@christmasbox Well done, I’m happy for you! Yet, I can’t bear myself to do it. I know I need to
drive fast at the motorway and it’s just too much for me. I’ve no idea why, I’ve never felt very comfortable on the motorway before , but I use to do it. Now I can’t.

Mine is city driving
Scotland to Cornwall by motorways? Parallel parking? Fine
Manchester City centre? Absolutely not

My new hairdresser is in the city centre so I have to do it, managed it and wasn't too stressed. I turned the wrong way out the car park (sat nav wouldn't load inside) and panicked for a second but just thought of it as the scenic route

Thanks Turefu. Although I'd like to improve, to me it seems completely reasonable to be anxious of high speeds, I spent most of the journey in the slow lane. I know my husband finds my slow speeds frustrating. For me, I wonder if it is a result of having passed my test later in life.

I've been out and about more and have a relatively short work commute to the park and ride, but I've been doing it, and dropping my youngest at work.

I still need to drive more on the motorway too, so am in the same position as many of you there.

So I'm improving, and am no longer as anxious as I used to be, but I've still got a fair way to go.

Clinical psychologist here who deals with travel anxiety. My advice is:

1. People who've had an accident often have a heightened belief that accidents are likely to happen. Try and address this by reminding yourself how many journeys you and people you know have done relative to the number of accidents they've had. This should make you aware that accidents are rare and bad accidents even more so. Keep reminding yourself of this so that it sinks in.
2. Remind yourself, again repeatedly, that the vast majority of people don't want to have an accident and take measures to avoid them. They swerve, they slow down etc. Again, keep reminding yourself of this to reinforce the reality that accidents are rare.

Now onto the behavioural stuff. Given that you're very anxious about driving, the best approach is a graded introduction to driving. Make a list of journeys that would cause you 1/10 anxiety, up to 10/10 anxiety. For example, 1/10 might be driving in your very local neighbourhood at 6 a.m. when the roads are empty; 10/10 might be driving at 70mph on your own, on a busy motorway. Fill in the gaps between these two extremes e.g. 4/10 journeys, 5/10 journeys etc. Journeys can be made easier/harder via a number of factors: the busyness of the road, the time of the day, whether the roads are familiar, whether you have someone in the car with you. Therefore 5/10 journeys might be a busy road but having your partner next to you; 6/10 might be the same busy road without your partner, 7/10 might be driving two junctions on the motorway with your partner next to your, 8/10 might be driving two junctions on the motorway with your partner driving in a car behind, 9/10 might be driving on the motorway for two junctions on your own etc etc. When you've made your list, start at the point where it makes you feel anxious but you're still 99% sure you can do it. Then, repeatedly do the journeys on that level until they no longer make you feel anxious. You then move on to the next level. Keep moving up the 'ladder' in this way. A couple things to remember: 1. this needs to be deliberate practise for no other reason than to build your confidence - don't aim to tie journeys into current every day need i.e. I'll do that journey when I have to go to the shops. That will take you away from the 'ladder' and the likelihood is that the practise won't be frequent enough. 2. Your practise has to be regular - a few times a week at least. 3. Don't leap over steps in the ladder - if you're at a 5/10, don't attempt a 8/10 journey as the latter might be very anxiety provoking and it will knock you back. If you want to do an 8/10 journeys after doing a 5/10 journeys, that's great as it means your confidence is building in leaps and bounds. However, do the journeys between 5/10 and 8/10 to consolidate your confidence. Good luck!

Hi @Turefu - it’s hard isn’t it when there’s one thing that’s a struggle to overcome. You’re doing better than me! I am still only doing local driving and haven’t tackled a motorway or dual carriageway without an instructor! I find the only thing that helps me overcome the fear is exposure, so I’m working up to fast roads but I totally hear you on not liking speed.

@christmasbox well done for doing it! I also struggle to get time to practise with two young children. There does seem to be a trend that the later you pass the more anxiety you have. I guess you feel invincible at 17 and then with a bit of life experience and potentially with children you’re a bit more risk averse

@bonfirebash city centre driving is another level - I’m in London and I doubt I’ll ever drive into town itself! And Manchester is so well set up with transport and pedestrian areas I can see why you might avoid the drive in.

Well done @SilverShadowNight thats a really positive update!

My situation is steadily improving. I can now get in the car without having anyone with me and drive routes with the kids without having to do a practise one first. It’s still very much a work in progress and I’m having cbt - a lot of what’s mentioned in the latest post is the sort of journey I’m on. It’s been extremely helpful having a therapist to account to. I also essentially got signed off by my latest instructor - he told me I was ten times safer than lots of drivers on the road so now I just need to work on believing it. I’m also still far too cautious at roundabouts. Any tips for that gratefully received!

@Worryant
Perfect is the enemy of good enough.

If you successfully navigated a roundabout without causing an accident, then give yourself credit.

You should also give yourself credit for being aware of how you're driving.

How's everyone getting on?

I'm still struggling with this, but have been pushing myself to get out and about more as it's school summer holidays and I don't want my fear to stop the DC having fun days out.

It's definitely helped - I did a drive of nearly an hour each way (a lot for me!) including dual carriageway and some big roundabouts today, and it was ok.

I still needed DH to help with parking when I got home though - tight on street parking definitely not in comfort zone yet. It's reminded me that the driving instructor I asked about having a few parking lessons never got back to me, so thinking I might get back in touch with her.

I've also written to local car garage to ask about getting a rear view camera installed, as wondering whether that might help. Do any of you have those, and find they help?

I'm still plodding along with the commute and other small journeys. Need to do the motorway again.

Had an arse of a driver yesterday though who was doing 35 in a 50 zone but when I tried to overtake went up to 55 until the overtaking lane closed (it is relatively short) and I had to go back in behind him. He then did 15 in the 30 zone.

Why am I beating myself up over my failure to overtake him when he drove like an arse?

How's everyone else doing?

It is so annoying when that happens. I remember it happening to me and I just ended up plodding behind the idiot until I got to the next roundabout, which had two lanes, and I managed to undertake, naughty, but effective. He didn't overtake me again.

I have a real problem with driving to somewhere I don't know or parking. It stemmed from getting lost driving to an airport and ending up in the middle of the city and getting stuck in a tight supermarket parking safe.
Nowadays I don't drive unless I have to but it's stopping me meeting friends etc if one of them suggests I pick her up, I don't like driving with anyone apart from OH as he knows my problems.