Overcoming driving anxiety

[MunsteadWood]

Had previous thread deleted as worried it was too identifying. Here's a shorter version.

I've been suffering with driving anxiety for several years which leads to me avoiding driving often for long periods at a time. I hate this about myself, and am increasingly starting to feel trapped by the anxiety as I'm so often opting out of doing things / going places I would enjoy because I'd have to drive to get there. I really want to fix it.

My analysis is that it's a combination of many years of very little or no driving (passed test young then had a good decade or more of barely needing to drive as I lived in London etc. Plus a couple of bad experiences - one an accident, not at all my fault (I was a passenger, and it was the other vehicles who were at fault rather than DH and me) but our car was written off, plus one near miss many years ago which was a result of a stupid error of judgement on my part (no accident caused but very scary).

DH and I now live in a small town where we don't need to drive, but doing so really enhances our quality of life as there are lots of lovely places in the nearby countryside to visit etc.

I've tried refresher lessons, which helped a bit (the instructor basically said I could drive perfectly fine, there's no problem technically) and read a few self help type books but still can't shift the feeling of dread.

But I want so badly to fix it! I've agreed to drive somewhere local tomorrow, which I really don't want to do, but im going to make myself. And I've sent off a few enquiries about CBT type therapy.

Has anyone else experienced this and overcome it? I want so badly to feel comfortable about - or even enjoy - driving.

And @melonraspberry I giggled at your parking story. My reverse parking experience at the weekend was similar. I managed to do it myself but it took many attempts, and I had to wait until the car park cleared out and I had the perfect space. Probably other drivers thought I was bonkers. And the DC in the back were going "what are you doing mummy?" "why don't you park over there?" Etc. But I was determined to keep my cool and not get flustered! We've got to laugh haven't we...

I struggle with driving anxiety. I was an older learner, and then was impacted by lockdown not long after I passed my test.

I know I need to get out there and drive more, but don't have the confidence in myself to do so. I have to drive tomorrow to take my son to work.

I've had extra lessons, which help, but am a lot better with my instructor and can relax more.

You aren't alone.

I came here looking for a thread in flying phobias (flying tomorrow, not feeling great) but this caught my eye. I passed my test at 18 and drive about 3 times ever. I find it really embarrassing and limiting, but I just can’t believe that I won’t freak out and make an idiot of myself or worse.

I moved countries recently and wanted to start here, but the parking is crazy and most roads are big with overtaking on either side, plus cuts on either side. Plus, torrential rain happens quickly in the blink of an eye.

I’m back in the UK next year, hoping to move out of London and will do it then. This thread gives me hope! Well done everyone who does it despite being scared

@Justforthissnippet Just seen your message. I hope the flight went well. Please don't feel embarrassed about driving anxiety. Turns out there are lots of common experiences! This thread has been really helpful for me as I did think I was an outlier in the way I feel sometimes.

You can do it @Justforthissnippet !

I've also been very reassured by this thread, both how many people are in the same boat and hearing from all those who have managed to get past it.

I've not driven again since my post a week or so back but am gearing up for another trip later in the week and feeling a bit calmer about it.

Hope your drive with your son went smoothly @SilverShadowNight .

Thanks @MunsteadWood. Yes the drive went fine and I've been out a few times since. Went to the city via the park and ride today, which I was a bit nervous about, but apart from some wonky parking (and not the worst by far in the car park), it was fine. I got a bit nervous when overtaking a bus, but waited until a stop with better visibility.

Hope that you have gone on ok too.

Hope it's okay to join in. It seems I have found my tribe but I'm sorry to see so many people suffering.

I used to be fine driving until I had a bereavement and then a subsequent panic attack that happened to be in the car 18 months ago. Since then I keep getting panic attacks when driving (and even as a passenger). I sometimes make progress and manage a local journey but I can't see myself ever managing dual carriageways/motorways again, and I often have setbacks where I get more nervous again even just going into town.

It's so annoying as I used to enjoy driving and am not nervous of driving per se. I just get these awful anxious sensations now behind the wheel.

Does anybody else here get actual panic attacks rather than just feeling nervous? If so, how do you overcome them?

What a supportive thread. @bellav I have had panic attacks, but not driving (probably because I’ve only done it a handful of times). So you’re doing better than me!

Panic attacks and anxiety feel horrible. I would suggest researching techniques to cope and/or considering seeing someone (possibly CBT) who can help you find techniques to get on top of it.

Oh, I did the flight. Currently in Vietnam!

If anyone could point me in the direction of any menopause & driving anxiety groups I'd be grateful. It has/is really buggering up my life and I can not get past it. I have all the feelings of stupidity and failure that a poster referred to. I have no one to go out with, and even the thought of driving a familiar route keeps me awake all night. Instructors have said I am fine.
If i do ever manage a drive, then I dont enjoy the destination because I panic about getting home again. If a route is ok on one journey it doesnt help becaue traffic is always changing & I worry about how it will be on the way home.
I feel like I am a hopeless case ☹️. having driven on the m25 10 years ago, I can not now even drive 4 miles.

Well done @Justforthissnippet ! Have a great time in Vietnam.

I'd echo what others have said about CBT. I've not tried it myself but recently chatted to a friend who disclosed that she also used to have awful fear of driving to the point where she couldn't even ride as a passenger in a car. For her it followed an accident she was involved in, so was trauma related. She ended up having counselling with CBT and is now completely fine - drives frequently, even long distance, and says she really enjoys it now. Gave me hope!

I totally identify with the feeling of not enjoying trips out because of worrying about getting home @mattcockhand

I'm trying to build up experience on a few "familiar" routes, the logic being that if I have enough positive memories of driving those routes I'll start to feel more confident doing them again. It's slow progress though, especially as it's very easy for me to go several weeks without needing to drive so I really have to push myself.

My hubby was banned for 6 months this year. He had accumulated 12+ points, all for speeding. So I had to drive. I was really nervous as its years since I've had to drive regularly and I have mobility issues so find getting into/out of a drivers side seat difficult. But I did it, and although I didn't drive to/in London I did drive to various events etc. The more you do the easier it will be. I haven't read the (whole) thread but could hubby drive there and you drive back? Essy stages to places where you know the way. Good luck.

I have this. I haven’t always been like it, but I never really enjoyed driving. I’ve never driven on a motorway in 13 years of driving. I get real anxiety even seeing a blue sign, and a big roundabout with motorway/Aroad options leaves me absolutely terrified in case I accidentally end up on the motorway,

for me it’s a feeling of being trapped. If I see a road stretching ahead of me I am filled with doom, like i’m
claustrophobic. I know the cure is to drive more but I don’t enjoy it. I did some hypnosis but I couldn’t visualise driving and feeling happy and safe so I think I made myself worse as I compounded my fear.

I do drive, and when I do I am ok, and sometimes I even enjoy it. I would love to be a carefree driver and see it as an adventure not a terrible fear.

There’s a YouTube channel from a driving instructor that I quite rate. He does lots of videos on a wide range of driving topics, but there’s a lot of examples of real world driving issues and how to deal with them, driving tips etc. I’d recommend checking it out and seeing if it’s something you might find interesting/useful.

Obviously, the answer to anxiety is confidence, and that comes from knowledge and experience. So broadening your knowledge may help with that.

Ashley Neal

I can sympathise with this too. I passed my driving test a few years ago and am just about comfortable with routes that I am very familiar with. I have recently needed to start driving in the dark on an evening, and although I didn’t enjoy it, I found that practising the route in the daylight, and then just getting in the car and doing it was the best thing to overcome anxiety.

I'm on week three of getting back to driving. I've had one advanced driving lesson last Monday and have my second one tomorrow.

First lesson was great, the instructor made me feel so at ease and had me out doing routes I never imagined I'd be doing (country roads), busy part of the city etc and I covered 4 different towns. Only part I struggled with, tears and all, was reverse bay parking. I done it but it was horrible.

Instructor asked me to try a short 5 minute drive alone to Morrisons and to park as homework. I've yet to do it. However, I have been out with DH most nights when the roads have been quieter and have managed routes I was terrified of before.

Last night I drove to the local hospital carpark (the less busy side!) and practiced reverse parking, considering it was dark I done really well.

This morning I drove with DH to collect my shopping (maybe 15 minuteseach way). The way there was great, felt quite confident and was able to tackle 2 notorious roundabouts and a busy retail park and even reversed into a space. However, on the way back I made a couple of mistakes and I can't stop thinking about it. I misjudged the distance of a car on a roundabout and really should have waited for it to pass. Ended up in an argument with DH after I got wound up and asked him to repeat what he said but he wouldn't. I then went into a panic as I wasn't sure if he was telling me I was doing something else wrong or not. I really need to just get over it and get back out today but I'm realising that driving with DH is just putting me more on edge but I have no one else to sit with me.

I just had to get that out, I know he's not a trained driving instructor but he's usually really patient with me...until it comes to driving!!! Even silly things like telling me there's a bus broke down ahead when he can clearly see I'm indicating to change lanes.

@PawMaw well done on the progress! I think driving with a partner is always tricky. Mine is similar when I’ve had a few goes with him in the car.

I really understand about focusing on little mistakes! I also spend too much time worrying if I should have stopped at an amber or gone through. Other drivers seem to zoom through on amber, but I worry about getting caught on camera. Having read about it a bit, I think the camera only photographs when the light is actually red........ Anyway, dwelling on detail is definitely a thing.

I dwell on mistakes, and then end up snowballing. I also prefer driving with someone else in the car, but my husband does not make a good passenger - I'm fine with my instructor.

I'm also guilty of putting off driving, so the 5 minute drive to the supermarket with reverse parking is something I would be putting off too.

I didn't mind reverse parking with the driving instructor, but since passing I've never done reverse bay parking, just go in forwards instead. My spacial awareness isn't great......

I hate driving with DH too. I found it really unsettling as he would give different advice to the driving instructor, tell me off for doing things wrong but without saying why etc etc.

Stupidly I always avoid reverse bay parking yet I have to reverse park into the space on our drive which is exactly the same!

I had to drive to the supermarket on Friday which was a good test of my nerves as it was really busy and, as the carpark is so small, you just have to park in the first available space while everyone queues behind you. Luckily it all went ok.

I watched a YouTube video of the instructor who was recommended upthread which was useful. Thanks for the tip!

Well done @chloechloe and @PawMaw for the progress - sounds like you're doing great. I've not driven again since my first few posts but am planning a couple of trips at the weekend and feeling ok about it (at the moment!). I identify with the slightly unhelpful DHs - mine tries to be supportive but somehow can't help himself tutting in passenger seat next to me / complaining that I'm driving too slowly and it stresses me out. I love driving with my mum, as she's a bit of a nervous type person same as me (so is very understanding), but is actually a very calm and confident driver. But she lives quite far away so I don't get many opportunities.

I like the Conquer Driving You Tube videos.

I have had driving anxiety to some degree ever since I passed my test 16 years ago. I was living rurally with a small child and it was a necessity, but not something I have ever been comfortable with.
I had hypnotherapy to help me get past it and I was building up to do new/longer journeys and then we went into lockdown.

I'm currently going through a really bad spell of general anxiety, @mattcockhand this is definitely a perimenopause thing for me too. I am suddenly avoiding driving, doing only a handful of school runs that DH can't do.
Now the route I normally take is going to be closed for a month and when just one road in our town is closed it causes huge queues etc. Getting out of junctions and navigating roundabouts is awful.
Being late is a huge anxiety trigger for me so it's the getting TO school that I am panicking over.
There was an incident last night in town which means another road is closed and DH has just messaged to say they have sat in traffic for 20 mins. It's usually a 5 min stretch of road.
I find this driving anxiety so limiting and it affects my sleep as I worry for days about having to get in the car for these journeys.