Overcoming driving anxiety

[MunsteadWood]

Had previous thread deleted as worried it was too identifying. Here's a shorter version.

I've been suffering with driving anxiety for several years which leads to me avoiding driving often for long periods at a time. I hate this about myself, and am increasingly starting to feel trapped by the anxiety as I'm so often opting out of doing things / going places I would enjoy because I'd have to drive to get there. I really want to fix it.

My analysis is that it's a combination of many years of very little or no driving (passed test young then had a good decade or more of barely needing to drive as I lived in London etc. Plus a couple of bad experiences - one an accident, not at all my fault (I was a passenger, and it was the other vehicles who were at fault rather than DH and me) but our car was written off, plus one near miss many years ago which was a result of a stupid error of judgement on my part (no accident caused but very scary).

DH and I now live in a small town where we don't need to drive, but doing so really enhances our quality of life as there are lots of lovely places in the nearby countryside to visit etc.

I've tried refresher lessons, which helped a bit (the instructor basically said I could drive perfectly fine, there's no problem technically) and read a few self help type books but still can't shift the feeling of dread.

But I want so badly to fix it! I've agreed to drive somewhere local tomorrow, which I really don't want to do, but im going to make myself. And I've sent off a few enquiries about CBT type therapy.

Has anyone else experienced this and overcome it? I want so badly to feel comfortable about - or even enjoy - driving.

I have had this and it started to get to the point that I was avoiding certain journeys etc.

I made a conscious decision it was something I wanted to deal with so I challenged myself to drive somewhere new everyday.

You have to do the thing that scares you over and over again before it stops being scary. It took around a week for the anxiety to start reducing and after a month it was much better.

Now I'm completely fine and have driven hundreds of miles away on the motorway without issue.

Keep pushing yourself.

Two updates…nhs are giving me cbt for phobia, I start in a couple of weeks. We’re also changing our car from a smallish one to a small suv. How have people found their worries were worsened/improved by bigger cars and/or being higher up?

@Worryant I feel safer as a passenger in bigger vehicles altho I haven't driven one myself yet. My husband has a Bellingo van and I have a Ka and we are thinking about getting something in-between that he hopes I will feel more secure in.
I did drive my own car for the first time since 1st Dec this week and despite the anxiety beforehand I felt fine when I got in. (I only went to Tesco but it felt like an achievement all the same!)

I can totally relate! For me, it's entering the motorway that creates tension (used to drive quite a bit on German motorways, but never enough to get fully comfortable with going on the motorway there).

And I agree with everyone: getting the hours in and facing the specific driving activity you're worried about is key. Tackling each driving activity from least scary (even if it's just sitting in the car) to most scary is the way forward!

I'm just researching this topic as I'm treating a friend with driving anxiety as a case study. I'd always recommend pairing the CBT with hypnotherapy that's tailored to your specific fear, whether it's reversing, going fast, navigating unknown routes, clipping the wing mirror, etc

Also pay attention to any physical sensations and learn to relax those. That way you can interfere in the cycle of anxiety the moment your physical sensation starts cropping up. Once the physical sensation is stopped you're unlikely to feel those fears and emotional reactions.

And finally, I'd list all the thoughts you have around driving. I'm sure there's a lot of them that can be disputed by logic or facts!

I could have written your opening post a few years ago.
I passed my test didn't get a car.
I started driving again around the industrial estate. Then onto smaller roads locally. Then a bit further.
I had to force myself to go on the motorway for work training.
Recently I had to for work.

Your mind is your worst enemy. I had CBT in the early days.

I agree with trying hypnosis.

Sounds like you're doing well now. Good for you.

I think the key @Chipnpotato is finding a teacher who has experience or specialises in dealing with nervous drivers. I was lucky to have an amazing lady recommended to me who ran workshops for nervous drivers - it was great to know it was a “thing” and that I wasn’t the only one.

I hate country roads too @Runaround50 , especially in the dark. We’re moving to our dream house in a couple of months in an amazing location, but the road leading up to it is unlit and winding with a ditch down one side. There are lots of deer too which are in the habit of dashing across the road. I’ll have to drive pretty much every day once we move, but im hoping that will help me brave longer distances rather than just short trips.

It’s DD2’s birthday this month at soft play about a 15min drive away. It would make sense for both me and DH to
drive so we can ferry most of the kids between us. I’m desperately hoping nobody will ask if I can take their kid and wondering what excuse I can use for not driving myself! I’ve deliberately planned it on a Sunday so the traffic will be quiet if I do have to drive! I wish I were one of those people who will just drive anywhere at the drop of a hat without knowing where they’re going!

Interesting thread. I am happy enough driving locally. I can reverse park in a car park but mad a hash of parallel parking last week. People kept coming along walking dogs etc so I gave up and went somewhere else, I can relate to not wanting an audience!

My main issue is motorway/fast dual carriageway driving. I do miss out on things because I won't drive to them as doing the journey while avoiding the motorway is just too long, or impractical (eg trying to get round London without using the M25 is hard, although it can be done in parts eg the A25 to the south).

My mum used hypnosis to get over a fear of lifts, it did make me wonder if I should try it for motorway driving.

I've been driving more and did a longer drive at the weekend, on ring roads, dual carriageways etc. I would have never done the longer drive a month ago.

I've been offered a chance to get some hypnotherapy from a qualifying student, so slightly cheaper. Haven't decided yet, but it is interesting to see that it has cropped up here too.

I am anxious about driving and for years have not driven anything other than local roads I’m familiar with.

On Sunday I drove on a motorway for the first time (other than once with a driving instructor)

The main thing was that exh left and I was forced to do driving because he wasn’t around and I didn’t want dc to miss out. I also met dp and wanted us to have more interesting dates than just in our local area.

So since exh left i have just had to step up. Dc go to private schools so have friends all over the place so I’ve had to drive them in lots of new areas. I always plan my routes, look for one way streets, places to park - and if I have time practice the drive a couple of days before. I’ve also driven on the outskirts of London - again being organised planning routes, parking etc.

It helps that I know that my fears are getting onto motorways - slip roads - finding myself in a narrow road with parked cars both sides, parallel parking and I have an irrational fear of going the wrong way on a one way street. I do have a new, more powerful car, which makes me less scared of slip roads and I have gone on a dual carriageway to the seaside (then drove home again because I was too full of adrenaline to enjoy the day).

just thought I’d put this out to say these fears can be overcome but in your own time. Just do gradual steps and challenge yourselves a small amount at a time.

Checking in again here.

After an initial burst of enthusiasm I've let things slip again. It's been a while now since I've driven and I can feel the anxiety (which never really went away, but did reduce the more I drove) ramping back up again.

It's really hammered home the importance of keeping up the regular driving - which many of you have said on this thread!

DH, DCs and I are going out tomorrow morning and I've told DH that I'll drive, as I want to get back on it.

I've also got a friend visiting from overseas in a few weeks time and really want to feel confident taking her out and showing her the local area.

How's everyone else getting on?

I’ve been following this thread for a while and here’s a positive experience to share!

I started driving again 18months ago after a long hiatus and I’m a very anxious driver. Today I had to do two car journeys, one a familiar one and another new route with a scary roundabout and a terrifying slip road onto the dual carriageway (by the way this is just how I see it, I expect most people would think it was a pretty normal journey).

Not only did I manage both journeys fine 😊but I also found I was really unconcerned about the familiar one (which would usually make me anxious) because my focus was on the harder one. So I reckon if you keep pushing yourself a bit, the easy stuff gets easier. I hope people find this encouraging!

Thanks fantastic @DuckonaBike, well done you!

I'm sure you're right about the east stuff getting easier the more you push yourself.

I've got a few local journeys which a year ago I would have felt really anxious about, but now are actually ok, I think because I've driven them quite a few times now. It's almost like building up a bank of "evidence" in my brain to counter the worries that I can't do it.

Do you think you'd feel less worried about the unfamiliar route if you needed to drive it again?

Yes I plan to do it again! I think the only way is to keep practising.

I’ve been watching some good driving videos of YouTube that a friend recommended - they are called Conquer Driving and have a lot of useful tips.

@DuckonaBike I like the Conquer Driving videos, and have found them really useful.

@MunsteadWood how did you go on today?

I've been doing more driving and have relaxed more, but I'm still nervous around a really busy roundabout I had to join and on driving on my own, even if the person I'm with is a non-driver.

I got a car last summer after a 25 year gap. Agree on the anxiety.

What helps me

• my satnav, I couldn't be without it
• being really confident at one type of parking
• driving twice a week minimum - any reason - errands, visit a friend, anything
• doing motorways every couple of weeks, different times of day, conditions etc.

I too have panicked about a journey and dreaded it and almost talked myself out of them, but honestly it's fine if I just get in the car with the satnav and go. I do check google maps if it's a really complicated roundabout as I am incredibly good at getting in the wrong lane but that's all really. I'm hoping I can stop the intense palm sweating and white knuckle steering wheel clutching on the motorway soon!

Wow well done 👍 that's amazing after so long. Sounds like you're doing the right things. I wish I was more confident in motorways.

That's brilliant @MistySkiesAreGone, and I agree on the SatNav - I often put mine on even for journeys I know really well, just for the extra reassurance it gives me.

@SilverShadowNight we didn't go out after all - had planned a National Trust type outing but stupidly didn't check weather forecast and it was a downpour. I should have taken myself out for a little drive around town or something instead but ended up busying myself with the DCs etc instead... no excuse really.

We're off on holiday (UK) for a week next week though so I'll definitely make sure to do some driving then.

Sorry for my absence! I have been reading everyone’s messages but my LO had an operation so have been a bit caught up with that. He’s doing really well so can now focus a bit more on driving.
My update is that we got our new car which is bigger than I’m used to. I’ve done two cbt sessions and today I actually drove it! Big step for me. Went round a car park with my husband and then did a ten minute drive to run an errand with him. This feels huge as I haven’t driven in over a year and a half and it was a car that was new to me. So that’s my news!
Hope everyone is well, well done to everyone getting out there! X

Well done @Worryant!!

Checking in again!

I've been doing some more driving and feeling better about it, but still struggling with parking.

I just managed to get myself all flustered parking back on our street as it was really congested, so I've ended up parking round the corner where I could find a bigger space.

I think that's my biggest barrier at the moment (and if I'm honest there've been a few times where I probably would have driven somewhere but avoided it because of worrying about parking when I get back home).

DH says I "just need to practise" but tbh I feel nervous to do that by myself. And for all his strengths DH probably isn't patient enough to tutor me...

So I've got in touch with the driving instructor I took refresher lessons with a few years back to see if she can fit me in a few intensive parking sessions.

How's everyone else getting on?

Well done for driving more. I hope the lessons help 🤞

Hello! Well done for driving more and the lessons sound like a good idea. I know that feeling about parking! Sometimes I feel like if I go out I’ll just drive and drive and drive and never stop before returning home 😂. Did you hear back from the instructor?

I’ve had three sessions of cbt and have so far driven more with my husband and kids in the car. I did a horrible short drive last week on my own that just didn’t go well (London rush hour). So today I went and did the exact same route and had the baby in the car! Previously a bad drive would be enough for me to pack it all in but I made myself get back on the horse. And it went really well! Smooth, managed to concentrate even when the baby cried a bit. It was the first time I have driven and felt a glimmer of hope that sometime in the future I’ll be able to just get in the car without the dread and the build up!

If you're up for it, I'd love to do a group driving confidence workshop!

Parking you just need to do your parking practice regularly as if you were learning an instrument.

Well done @Worryant and @MunsteadWood.

I've been getting out more, and have started driving to work when I'm in the office.

Had an arse tailgating right on my bumper when I went to fill up the other day which unnerved me quite a bit, and I was going at the speed limit and on a dual carriageway where he could have overtaken, but I got back in the car the next day.

I'm ok at forward parking, but lousy at reverse parking, though I keep practicing. But when I had a refresher with my instructor I was perfect every time.

How's everyone else going on?