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Original poster

I'm mentally unwell. Need committed

51 replies

Help125674 · 07/11/2022 02:15

I have long term mental health issues. I have no support but I have children. I can't cope anymore with daily life. I need hospitalised or I'll die. How do I do this. My poor children. Will this mess them up forever? I've tried and can't do life. Will they even put me into hospital because I can't even get therapy with NHS how it is. What do I do please, how do I make them listen. How do I not mess up my children

OP posts:
Original poster
Help125674 · 07/11/2022 03:26

Thank you so much @ThisMama1 for sharing that with me. I do have a child with SEN but that's more of the reason I need to be organised to go rather than the issue. He would be so upset if I just wasn't here or anyone came in the night so thought organising clothes etc would be better. I feel so overwhelmed all the time.

My head hurts from all the crying and I need to get up for them going to school but I will update in the morning.

Can't thank you all enough for your supportive words, can't explain how much it has helped. Thank you so much 🙏

OP posts:
MyMumSaysALot · 07/11/2022 03:28

Help125674 · 07/11/2022 02:33

I have tried that. I can't look after myself. I was given medication but forget to take it. Can't do simple tasks. Everyday is spent worrying about what the effect is on my children from me being useless. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen to them. I just want to never have existed

I had trouble remembering to take my meds too, so I set an alarm for the same time every evening.
I’ve had that same alarm set for over ten years. I take my meds religiously every night right on time and my major depression is kept at bay.
Medicine has made great strides in these last few years and I credit mine with how really well I’m doing.

You’ve reached out here. You’re making perfect sense. You love your kids and want to protect them above all things. ALL POSITIVE THINGS
There’s hope, @Help125674 Hang on. ❤️

Original poster
Help125674 · 07/11/2022 03:33

AnonyMouseToday · 07/11/2022 03:24

The main thing children need is a mum who loves them and tells them they are loved. You clearly love your kids and I'm sure they know that. So you are not putting trauma on them. It's ok for them to see their mum has mental health difficulties. It will make them grow up to be caring and non judgemental and to know it's ok to have mental health difficulties. Kids are quite resilient if they are loved.

I can also tell you that in the many many years I have worked in crisis teams, I have seen hundreds, maybe thousands of mums in a similar position to you. People don't ever talk about their mental health so we assume everyone we know is fine, and we are the only ones struggling. But that's not true. You are not the first mum to feel this way and you won't be the last. It's surprisingly common for mums to feel desperate, even suicidal at times. It's also not uncommon for mums to have mental health problems. Many many children grow up with a parent who has mental health difficulties and they turn out just fine! You love your children and they feel loved. That really is the most important thing any child needs.

Show quote history

Thank you. It is so good to hear that. My mum had mental health issues and was emotionally and at times physically abusive. I know I haven't done the same things but it worries me they're growing up with a mum with issues. They must notice it even though I try to cover it up. I have spoken to my eldest about it briefly so he's aware but I tell them I'm fine when inside I'm screaming for this to end. I've obviously not mentioned anything like I have on here, just that I have some anxiety so sometimes I know I'm not doing everything I should like getting behind on the housework.

I really appreciate your advice xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Help125674 · 07/11/2022 03:35

MyMumSaysALot · 07/11/2022 03:28

I had trouble remembering to take my meds too, so I set an alarm for the same time every evening.
I’ve had that same alarm set for over ten years. I take my meds religiously every night right on time and my major depression is kept at bay.
Medicine has made great strides in these last few years and I credit mine with how really well I’m doing.

You’ve reached out here. You’re making perfect sense. You love your kids and want to protect them above all things. ALL POSITIVE THINGS
There’s hope, @Help125674 Hang on. ❤️

Show quote history

Thank you ♥️

OP posts:
dancinfeet · 07/11/2022 03:35

Hi OP, just checking in to say that by contacting 111 or your gp and asking for help is the right thing to do as others of said, and that you are a great mum
for thinking of your children first. I hope you
get all of the help and support you need xx

Original poster
Help125674 · 07/11/2022 03:39

dancinfeet · 07/11/2022 03:35

Hi OP, just checking in to say that by contacting 111 or your gp and asking for help is the right thing to do as others of said, and that you are a great mum
for thinking of your children first. I hope you
get all of the help and support you need xx

Thank you so much. I honestly can't explain how supportive words from strangers has helped so much tonight. I started this post a wreck, needing advice on how to get admitted to hospital and now it feels like it might not be so bad. Thank you everyone again. My head hurts and I'm finally feeling a bit sleepy so I'm sorry if I don't reply to anyone who has taken the time to message me tonight x

OP posts:
ThisMama1 · 07/11/2022 03:41

Help125674 · 07/11/2022 03:26

Thank you so much @ThisMama1 for sharing that with me. I do have a child with SEN but that's more of the reason I need to be organised to go rather than the issue. He would be so upset if I just wasn't here or anyone came in the night so thought organising clothes etc would be better. I feel so overwhelmed all the time.

My head hurts from all the crying and I need to get up for them going to school but I will update in the morning.

Can't thank you all enough for your supportive words, can't explain how much it has helped. Thank you so much 🙏

Try & get some sleep tonight if you can & we’ll check in on you in the morning. Just know that you’re not alone in the way you feel & you are definitely not a failure x

dollytot · 07/11/2022 03:48

You're not alone OP. ❤Honestly, please come on here any time you need. Although, I would advise doing as the other MN's on here have suggested and call 111 and speak to someone.

You said you haven't taken your meds...do you have a regular prescription? You sound like such a caring, lovely mum. My heart goes out to you. You're doing a fab job and things will get better. I promise x

dollytot · 07/11/2022 03:51

Also, try and reach out to your ex and inform him of the situation and how you're feeling if you can. I don't know how good your current relationship is, but hopefully he'll provide lots of support with the children until you feel better again.

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 07/11/2022 03:52

@Help125674 I can see how much you love your children. Please call if things worsen and you feel you can't get through the night. They need their mum and you deserve help and support too. Thinking of you and your DC.

ittakes2 · 07/11/2022 04:00

Help125674 · 07/11/2022 02:33

I have tried that. I can't look after myself. I was given medication but forget to take it. Can't do simple tasks. Everyday is spent worrying about what the effect is on my children from me being useless. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen to them. I just want to never have existed

OP, please google inattentive adhd and see if this applies to you. It includes executive function problems so people with it (including me) have trouble remembering things and planning. It’s very overwhelming having executive function problems. It’s hard to spot because it’s possible to be bright and do well in other aspects of life but when you need to remember something or plan something it gets complicated for people with inattentive adhd. It’s under diagnosed in females as people thigh adhd is hyperactive behaviour - and it can be - but it can also be a hyperactive mind and we have trouble with decision making and anxiety. It’s often misdiagnosed as anxiety. For people with diagnosed inattentive adhd many find the adhd drugs help them focus.
You’ve done the right thing reaching out for help and support - I hope you get what you need. It’s a good thing you are asking for help - you are being a positive role model for your kids. Good luck.

JennyWI · 07/11/2022 04:25

I grew up with a mom with issues. Your doing the best you can right now and im proud of you for knowing you need help to make sure the kids have the best you they can. I wish you the best. Your kids will remember this but will remember that time mom cared for us so much she went to get help to be a better mom.

Redkettle · 07/11/2022 05:12

Big hugs op. Good luck for the morning xxxxx

RedHelenB · 07/11/2022 05:29

Put alarms on your phone to make sure you're taking your medication. It won't have a chance to work if you don't take it regularly as scheduled. Would your ex be able to look after the children while you investigate further help?

Itslookinggood · 07/11/2022 06:58

Just to say how impressive you are, coping with such awful feelings and still managing to put your children first.

you are a wonderful mum. I really admire you.

Hope you can call 111 when you can, and start to get the support in place to get you through this. But really, you are so impressive.

Original poster
Help125674 · 07/11/2022 10:58

@ittakes2 thank you. I have actually thought this a few times but when I mentioned it it was dismissed. I think it's hard for over worked professionals when you're talking about mental health and then other things. I did look into a private assessment before but I can't afford it.

@Redkettle @RedHelenB @Itslookinggood thank you so so much.

I ended up calling my ex at 5am and he came over. Told him everything and he's going to come over a few times a week and said just to call if I need anything. Haven't spoken to anyone else yet as not had time but I will. I feel a lot more in control just talking to people and I'm so grateful. I still haven't slept yet so going to try and get a couple of hours before school finishes then kids have clubs then ex is going to check in on his way home xx

OP posts:
Queenmarie · 07/11/2022 11:07

FurryDandelionSeekingMissile · 07/11/2022 02:24

AnonyMouse is right about the route in to that kind of help.

But I don't know whether you have any experience of psychiatric hospital… there are very few hospital beds, so usually only those who are extremely unwell, and either dangerously psychotic or very likely to kill themselves, are admitted, and even then the admission is kept as short as possible. The very high severity level of patients on the ward, and the lack of resources, means you're basically warehoused with some very acutely ill people in an environment that can be very hard to cope with, and that's designed to contain some very disruptive behaviours. It's very rare that there's significant therapeutic help, or the kind of calm, therapeutic environment you might hope for. Help on discharge is limited too. If there's any way at all that admission can be avoided, they will try to avoid admitting you, and usually that's preferable TBH.

Agree... My sister has been sectioned a few times in the past year due to repeated suicide attempts and it really did her no good at all.

The majority of the other patients were drug addicts (and drugs were rife in the hospital - staff turned a blind eye). She didn't always have her own room and had to eat meals in a communal dining area.

She got no therapy and was on heavy medication. The function of it was basically just to keep them from killing themselves.

AuntieDickhead · 07/11/2022 11:15

@Help125674 I'm glad your ex is helping out, well done for reaching out to him.

I agree with the PPs about setting an alarm to remind you to take your meds. I have 4 daily alarms for mine.

Do you have any MH support currently? I assume not, I know how hard it is to get. But please remember that you are important, you are loved and you do matter.

Wishing you all the best, and mumsnet is always here if you need a chat.

hugznotdrugz · 07/11/2022 11:17

Unfortunately it's extremely hard to get a psych ward placement atm.

Strangerthings4NW · 07/11/2022 11:48

AnonyMouseToday · 07/11/2022 02:37

OP, the route to hospital is via your local crisis team..I have worked in crisis teams for years so I am aware of the process. I would strongly recommend you call 111 tonight (they operate 24 hours a day) and ask for an assessment with crisis team tomorrow.

Where you live can impact how the crisis teams and 111 work, where r you in the country? Of you don't want to call 111 you could see your GP tomorrow, tell them you are feeling suicidal and need a referral to crisis team.

Furydandelion is right that hospital beds tend only to be offered for v severe cases and crisis team may want to support you in the community as a first option.if you have no immediate and imminent plan to end your life. Most crisis teams are pretty good though, and you may find their support in the community is enough. If not, they are the people who can make a hospital referral.

I second this. I was in the same position just 6 weeks ago. I called my GP & told her I wanted to take my life. She referred me to the crisis team & I was seen within 3 days.

it has helped so much… I finally feel after all these years, someone will help me.

Lmgify · 07/11/2022 12:08

Hope you’re doing ok today, I’m pleased your ex seems decent. Have you had a chance to speak to GP/ 111/ someone yet? I think you should reach out to a medical professional x

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 07/11/2022 13:02

Hi Help125674, we're really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. There are lots of organisations listed which can give you some support.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected], or call them, any time, on 116 123. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you'll be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

There's also help available from a text service called Shout 85258. Shout's trained volunteers are available all hours of the day and night to listen and support you to get to a calmer and safe place. It's a free, confidential, anonymous service for anyone in the UK and it won’t appear on your phone bill.

And finally, here's a link to Mind's pages on Tips for everyday living.

We're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic shortly.

We're glad to see that you're getting some good support from other Mumsnetters, and that you've made contact with your ex. We really hope things start to feel a bit easier for you soon. Flowers

MummyofTw0 · 07/11/2022 13:04

Hope you are doing ok xxxx

PollyAmour · 07/11/2022 13:47

I'm so glad you reached out for support and Mumsnet provided it. Mental health issues can be so frightening. You will be okay and well done for realising how urgently you needed help. Your ex sounds like a good person.

Whatsinanamereally82 · 07/11/2022 14:06

ittakes2 · 07/11/2022 04:00

OP, please google inattentive adhd and see if this applies to you. It includes executive function problems so people with it (including me) have trouble remembering things and planning. It’s very overwhelming having executive function problems. It’s hard to spot because it’s possible to be bright and do well in other aspects of life but when you need to remember something or plan something it gets complicated for people with inattentive adhd. It’s under diagnosed in females as people thigh adhd is hyperactive behaviour - and it can be - but it can also be a hyperactive mind and we have trouble with decision making and anxiety. It’s often misdiagnosed as anxiety. For people with diagnosed inattentive adhd many find the adhd drugs help them focus.
You’ve done the right thing reaching out for help and support - I hope you get what you need. It’s a good thing you are asking for help - you are being a positive role model for your kids. Good luck.

Show quote history

This was my thought too.