I'm mentally unwell. Need committed

[Help125674]

I have long term mental health issues. I have no support but I have children. I can't cope anymore with daily life. I need hospitalised or I'll die. How do I do this. My poor children. Will this mess them up forever? I've tried and can't do life. Will they even put me into hospital because I can't even get therapy with NHS how it is. What do I do please, how do I make them listen. How do I not mess up my children

Hi OP. Call 111 and select the mental health option. They should give you a phone assessment and may refer you to the local crisis team who can support you tonight or tomorrow.

If NHS 111 doesn't work, Google your local NHS MH crisis team and call them.

Where in the country are you?

You need to ring 999 and tell them that your life is in danger and that you have children. By doing that you are doing the right thing for you and your children. Please ring 999 now.

OP, you've done the right thing to try and seek support. I've worked with loads of people who have needed to spend a bit of time.in hospital for their mental.health. It absolutely does not mess up their children. It is the right step and the children will benefit from their parent getting support. 💐💐💐

AnonyMouse is right about the route in to that kind of help.

But I don't know whether you have any experience of psychiatric hospital… there are very few hospital beds, so usually only those who are extremely unwell, and either dangerously psychotic or very likely to kill themselves, are admitted, and even then the admission is kept as short as possible. The very high severity level of patients on the ward, and the lack of resources, means you're basically warehoused with some very acutely ill people in an environment that can be very hard to cope with, and that's designed to contain some very disruptive behaviours. It's very rare that there's significant therapeutic help, or the kind of calm, therapeutic environment you might hope for. Help on discharge is limited too. If there's any way at all that admission can be avoided, they will try to avoid admitting you, and usually that's preferable TBH.

I'm not going to kill myself tonight. My children are in bed and have no idea. I thought I could sort out their uniforms and stuff they need then ex could take over once I go to hospital. I can't have them dragged from their beds they'll be traumatised. I love them so much. I just can't deal with anything anymore. I can't do anything tonight. They're sleeping peacefully. I wish I could be better. I need help so badly. They don't deserve having a mum like me. I want to make sure they're OK before I go. I don't want to die, it will hurt them more. If they'll take me into hospital it might be OK but I can't leave them tonight there is no one here to look after them. How do I get hospital or someone to listen

I have tried for years and they say its not that bad. I can't say I feel like not living because they'll take my children away and they'll wonder why I didn't love them enough but I do

You find a way to contact, or get referred to, the mental health crisis team in your area. They can assess you and either signpost you to other services or get the home treatment team involved, or if there's no alternative try and find you a hospital bed. But home treatment is generally preferable.

I have tried that. I can't look after myself. I was given medication but forget to take it. Can't do simple tasks. Everyday is spent worrying about what the effect is on my children from me being useless. I keep thinking something bad is going to happen to them. I just want to never have existed

You are absolutely not useless. A useless mum wouldn’t be so worried constantly about their children. Please contact 111. Or even the Samaritans just for tonight, just for someone to talk to. Hang in there OP. ❤️

I just don't want you to think that it's hospital or bust, because the chances of getting a bed these days can be pretty slim, depending on how they assess you and what availability is like. Home treatment teams can help with medication.

OP, the route to hospital is via your local crisis team..I have worked in crisis teams for years so I am aware of the process. I would strongly recommend you call 111 tonight (they operate 24 hours a day) and ask for an assessment with crisis team tomorrow.

Where you live can impact how the crisis teams and 111 work, where r you in the country? Of you don't want to call 111 you could see your GP tomorrow, tell them you are feeling suicidal and need a referral to crisis team.

Furydandelion is right that hospital beds tend only to be offered for v severe cases and crisis team may want to support you in the community as a first option.if you have no immediate and imminent plan to end your life. Most crisis teams are pretty good though, and you may find their support in the community is enough. If not, they are the people who can make a hospital referral.

Thank you so much @VacancyAtNumber10AGAIN

@AnonyMouseToday what will happen with my children? If I call will they not come to take them away. There's no one here. I wanted to try wait until tomorrow and organise all their things. SS will get involved. How do I do this without affecting them, they deserve so much better

Also, please don't think your children will be taken away if you say you are suicidal. Admitting to professionals that you are suicidal, if that is how you are feeling, is the best way to get the right support. Your children want you alive. It is never the case that a parent who is actively wanting support and happy to work with services, would have children removed due to feeling suicidal. You'd be surprised how many parents have felt this way.

If you call 111 tonight, you won't go to hospital straight away. They will need to refer you to crisis team, and then they will need to find a bed. So the children's I'll stay with you. What would likely happen is that a mental.health nurse would visit you, probably in the morning and have a chat with you and assess you. You would have time as a family to try and get support from the crisis nurses.on the community, but if hospital was necessary, the nurses and social workers in the crisis team would help you plan where the children could stay while your in hospital.

Just to reiterate OP, if you call 111 now, no-one will come and take your children away. What will.likely happen is that you would be seen by the crisis team in the morning and start to get face to face support from tomorrow. Largely this support would be from professionals visiting you at home. If hospital is necessary it may take a couple of days before a hospital bed is found for you and you can use that time to find someone to.look after your children for a few days. Noone will take them away. You sound like a lovely mum who loves her children very much. I know you are scared but honestly, you will not be in any trouble with social services or anything and your kids will not be removed from your care. If you did need to go to hospital for a few days, do your children have friends or a grandparent they could stay with? How old are they?

Thank you thank you. I asked for help before and the lady I dealt with kept phoning SS if I didn't answer the phone even though I wasn't suicidal and didn't know when she'd call. She didn't tell me even when I said I get anxious about Unknown numbers calling or when I wasn't expecting someone. The school have never treated me the same since and the lady was so horrible to me it has made me scared to trust anyone. SS never found anything wrong after turning up unannounced on 3 occasions. I thought if I organise their things and then tell my ex I need to go then someone will be here and they'll leave the children alone. Not speak to them or upset them, no one has yet but they probably will if I contact and say I'm worse. I could make an excuse, say I have to go somewhere for a while and just talk to them on the phone and say everything's fine don't worry. Then I could get better and they won't be exposed to the full truth

Ha crisis team support?
mental health wards?
mental health support
hospital setting and atmosphere?
in really sorry.I really want you to get help.and it’s like sit back don’t say it.but the level of help at the moment or ever is a shit show. So equally I don’t want to advice to do all these things knowing help is…😔

Aww OP, you sound like such a lovely mum. I'm so sorry about your previous experience. That must have been horrible having ss called all the time and turning up.

I obviously can't speak for all crisis and 111 teams across the country, but I know that if you called my local 111 team tonight, they'd be very reassuring, book you an assessment with crisis team tomorrow and help you with tips to get through the rest of the night and get some rest.💐

That's what scares me the most and why I'm posting here. If I don't get help I honestly don't know what will happen. My head is not right. I know it's wrong but I feel trapped and can't get out. If it wasn't for my lovely children I wouldn't be here. They are between early school age and late secondary school. I will try crisis team in the morning. Can't get through to GP when I've tried to call for anything even unrelated to this

Thank you all so much for replying to me. It's the first time I've not felt alone in a very long time

You've made my cry, thank you so much I'm so grateful for your post

I know I should call 111 tonight but I'm honestly so frightened they'll send someone out for the kids. I know I'm probably just still being crazy but I can't cope with the thought. They will be at school tomorrow so they will be fine when I call

Awww OP 💐💐💐 please consider calling 111 now. They might help you and I am so worried about you. You sound so desperate. The 111 team I worked with were so lovely, if you called them now they would be so supportive of you on the phone. If you decide to wait till tomorrow, please do call the crisis team as you say, most crisis teams are pretty good.

Your children need their mum alive. You are a lovely mum and it's ok to feel like this. You clearly care about your children. You will get through this I promise 💐 and when you see your kids finishing school, getting married etc... You'll be so pleased you stuck it out and got through it all.

I know you feel trapped now OP, but there will be a way to get better and feel better.

Hope tomorrow brings you some support. Sending big hugs 💐💐 You've got this 💪💐

Well if you can keep yourself safe til.tomorrow, then it sound like you are doing the right thing to wait til then and then call crisis team. I hope you can get some rest tonight OP. I know I have no idea who you are, but I am thinking of you wherever you are and I'm sending you the biggest hugs ever. Please get some sleep and hope tomorrow goes well xx

@AnonyMouseToday thank you so so much. I'm so glad I posted. I feel like I'm going crazy but I love my children so much, I don't want them to be hurt because I selfishly can't go on. I want to be a happy mum and see them achieve everything I know they will. I've been like this most of my life. I don't want them to ever feel like I do. There is past trauma and I'm scared I'm going to put trauma on them.

I’m sorry I’m not much help with advice for how to receive help but from a mum that was really struggling myself a few years ago I just wanted to let you know that you need to be honest about your feelings. They won’t just take your kids away or think you’re a bad mother. If you were a bad mother you wouldn’t be considering your kids like you are doing. You sound like an amazing mother, very loving towards your kids. But you deserve to get the help & support you need & that comes with admitting to the professionals just how much you are struggling.

I don’t know your personal situation but for me my child has significant SEN & I was at absolute breaking point. I thought I was an awful mother because I wasn’t coping but the stress & lack of sleep just took every ounce I had to give. I finally had an assessment with SS & broke down in tears in that meeting. I was like you, I thought they were going to think I’m a failure & that they would want to take my kids. But instead they assessed me as needing additional support & provided respite (due to my son’s SEN so I know won’t be provided for everyone). I was then referred to a mental health practitioner who really helped me to cope better

5 years later & I’m in a much better place & doing really well. I still have my teary episodes but admitting I needed the help was the thing that ended up helping the most. I don’t know if you can DM on here as I’m a lurker rather than a poster but if I can help with support in anyway I’ll do what I can. I really hope you get something sorted soon xx

The main thing children need is a mum who loves them and tells them they are loved. You clearly love your kids and I'm sure they know that. So you are not putting trauma on them. It's ok for them to see their mum has mental health difficulties. It will make them grow up to be caring and non judgemental and to know it's ok to have mental health difficulties. Kids are quite resilient if they are loved.

I can also tell you that in the many many years I have worked in crisis teams, I have seen hundreds, maybe thousands of mums in a similar position to you. People don't ever talk about their mental health so we assume everyone we know is fine, and we are the only ones struggling. But that's not true. You are not the first mum to feel this way and you won't be the last. It's surprisingly common for mums to feel desperate, even suicidal at times. It's also not uncommon for mums to have mental health problems. Many many children grow up with a parent who has mental health difficulties and they turn out just fine! You love your children and they feel loved. That really is the most important thing any child needs.