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Original poster

I think I've gone a bit mad, but not enough to do anything about.

120 replies

Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:27

So, last 11 months I've had PND/PNA really badly, felt very low.

I've started to feel bad again, wishing I was dead etc.
But I've also started to believe there's a fractal world just under the surface of this world. That everything is fractals, and they're the base unit of the universe. And if you scratched the surface of this world you would reveal the fractal world. I know that if I did die I would just go to the fractal world, so in a sense there would be no escape.
I don't really know how to explain it. I feel very agitated.
At the same time I know this sounds ridiculous, so I'm probably not actually psychotic.

I just wish I could feel normal and un-anxious again. I hate living like this.

OP posts:
NoEffingWay · 30/10/2022 19:29

Are you under the card of mental health services OP? It sounds ad if you might need to see someone quickly before this progresses into something more serious.

Your thinking sounds borderline psychotic but most definitely delusional.

NoEffingWay · 30/10/2022 19:29

care of

Intelligenthair · 30/10/2022 19:32

Sorry you’re having such a hard time love.
I agree, I think you should make an appointment to see your GP tomorrow and show them your OP- they will be able to talk to you about the best way to help you get through this.

Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:35

I'm still under the perinatal mh team for a few more days.

OP posts:
NoEffingWay · 30/10/2022 19:37

You really need to talk to them first thing tomorrow. Please promise me you will contact the team as you sound unwell at the present time.

Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:41

But it's true about the fractals, isn't it? Don't you see them too, when you wake up?

OP posts:
Futuristik · 30/10/2022 19:42

What are fractals can you explain them?

JennyForeigner · 30/10/2022 19:43

Yes, please ring the perinatal mental health team. They have the discretion to extend the period where they can look after you and you don't want to have to re-navigate the system. The perinatal teams are the best people to manage your care.

ShandaLear · 30/10/2022 19:43

Oh honey, I really feel for you. This can be so hard, but there is a lot of help available. Has anyone suggested that you may be suffering from post partum psychosis? It’s relatively rare, but not that rare, if you know what I mean. My friend had it and she went through a really tough time (obviously I’m not saying you have it because I don’t know you and I’m not a trained medical professional, but you do have what sounds like some of the symptoms). Thankfully she fully recovered with the support of her family and medical team. Talk to your GP or Health Visitor tomorrow and hopefully you will start to recover soon.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/post-partum-psychosis/

Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:44

Like endless geometric shapes folding in on each other making what we perceive as reality.

OP posts:
Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:45

I know about PPP but I don't think I'd meet the criteria.

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 30/10/2022 19:46

I had a friend who had post natal psychosis. She also started having hallucinations.
Please tell someone in real life. Talk to someone right now if you can and definitely see a professional tomorrow.

Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:50

I don't have hallucinations except immediately post waking, which I think is pretty normal (last night they turned into ghosts and pumpkins). I just know about the fractal world and it seems important for some reason.

OP posts:
Treesuphooray · 30/10/2022 19:50

No my reality doesn’t include fractals. You do sound poorly. Time to let the perinatal MH team know. They will be able to help.

Said as a person also with PND. Don’t worry about sounding bonkers, they are used to hearing all kinds of interesting thoughts and will help you to get to not feeling distressed x

Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:52

It seems really funny to me that someone could not know about the fractals because they are so obvious to me. Which I guess is not normal.

OP posts:
PamelaPumpkin · 30/10/2022 19:52

There are no fractals and I think a part of you knows this and you're posting here to cling onto reality

You need to see someone urgently

Cornettoninja · 30/10/2022 19:53

Just another to say that my world doesn’t include fractals either.

Are you on your own @Smellyoldowls22? I think you need to tell someone tonight if you can.

Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:57

I'm with DS8. I'll call the team in the morning.
nothing bad will happen with fractal world in the mean time, it just continues to exist.

OP posts:
Angelofthenortheast · 30/10/2022 19:59

Feel for you OP. it's almost impossible to notice when you're having delusions - I only realised some of mine didn't make any sense upto 2 years later.

The world and universe are very much full of fractals. It's OK for you to be interested in this stuff, but try and distract yourself with some other thoughts too.

Scientists and philosophers spend years developing their theories on these subjects, so take it slower and think about it/research it in bitesize chunks, and do some other hobbies and activities that relax you and make you happy. Knitting, baking, drawing, walking, bathing, etc

NoEffingWay · 30/10/2022 19:59

No, the fractuals do the exist, nor is it usual to have hallucinations.

Delusions are a 'false, fixed ideas which defy rational explanation but that the person completely believes'- a 'fractual' is a delusional thought.

Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 19:59

PamelaPumpkin · 30/10/2022 19:52

There are no fractals and I think a part of you knows this and you're posting here to cling onto reality

You need to see someone urgently

But reality is fractals. Which just seems really self evident.

OP posts:
NoEffingWay · 30/10/2022 20:00

Op-I say this gently but firmly. What you are saying doesn't make any sense

Original poster
Smellyoldowls22 · 30/10/2022 20:00

Angelofthenortheast · 30/10/2022 19:59

Feel for you OP. it's almost impossible to notice when you're having delusions - I only realised some of mine didn't make any sense upto 2 years later.

The world and universe are very much full of fractals. It's OK for you to be interested in this stuff, but try and distract yourself with some other thoughts too.

Scientists and philosophers spend years developing their theories on these subjects, so take it slower and think about it/research it in bitesize chunks, and do some other hobbies and activities that relax you and make you happy. Knitting, baking, drawing, walking, bathing, etc

Thank you x

OP posts:
Summersdreaming · 30/10/2022 20:01

Are you the poster who think there is a glass dome over us and glass falls out of the sky?

If you are genuinely experiencing these hallucinations then get urgent advice from your mh team.

Whiskeypowers · 30/10/2022 20:02

I feel very worried for you and tour child reading this
you need urgent help and I don’t mean tomorrow morning.

please reach out and do something tonight