Everyone hates me

[lovetorun00]

I have crippling social anxiety - before I meet anyone (including those I know well - family and friends!) I get a terrible churning stomach, bad nausea, feelings of absolute dread, diarrhoea, horrible adrenaline rushes and very obvious sweating and blushing. I’m sure that everyone I encounter can see how uncomfortable I am and therefore they automatically dislike me and think I’m a pathetic person who isn’t worth knowing. CBT helped a bit and Sertraline has helped quite a lot but I often don’t manage to get to the doctor for a repeat prescription - they insist on a review every six weeks but life is so busy. I have to put the kids and work first. As a result I’ve had lengthy delays stopping and starting it again.

I can’t shake the feeling of huge self loathing, disgust and absolute hatred of myself. I’m a fucking waste of space.

And people don't hate you. I don't mind if my friends go through bad emotions or if they're anxious or depressed. That doesn't stop me liking and caring about them. That's the anxiety talking. Which your medication helps with.

Even if some people do feel awkward around you - you feel awkward around them too. This does not mean you hate each other. I also think you should prioritise regular medication and follow up with some therapy to sort this out. The way you are feeling is very treatable and not a lost cause by any means. Take control x

Can you not ask for it to be done over the phone? Just explain your circumstances and tell them it's stressing you out further by trying to get in for an appointment. They should put you on a longer review period. How long have you been on them?

I've been on sertraline for years and it makes me feel I'll when I don't take it. It's horrible. I've got to set a reminder or I'll just forget.

i think you should sit down and make a list of all the positive things in your life, 2 Little children, a relationship that I hope is mostly good and can be improved, a roof over you head and enough food to eat, your physical health, any hobby or interests that you have. Don’t worry about other people and what they think of you.
you only get one life and it is up to you to make it as good as you possibly can. By all means get your meds sorted and that’s a priority for sure. I think rigid routine helps me when I am low and getting everyone up washed fed beds made and out of the house every day I’d very good for mental health. Daily exercise is such a mood raiser as well. You are very special and precious to your little babies, their one and only. use this as motivation to be the best you can be x

Op that sounds so difficult to deal with. Your GP doesn’t sound very helpful.
when I started sertraline my GP called me after 2 weeks to see how I was getting on with the meds. Explained I’d had no side effects and already felt better. He then put me on a repeat prescription and advised me to contact him if anything changed.

I now use the WELL Pharmacy app to re-order my prescription. I order through the app, my GP approves the prescription and they send it via post free of charge. I just pay the standard prescription fee each month. It’s a god send. Pay via the app and a few days latter I receive my meds through the post.
I know some people may need to check in with their GP on a regular basis but if you speak to your GP and this is an option, it’s very helpful.
Best of luck x

@lovetorun00 Yes I do feel the same way. I've never had any medication for it though, and choose to self-medicate in a social context - not that I'm suggesting that.

I'm extremely awkward socially. I have no interest in other people's interests. Sport is out, not interested in politics, don't care about keeping up with people and their demanding lifestyle. I don't have children and I'm not really interested in TV. I love music though.

The only things I really love are animals, nature and music.

I'm a very nice guy and I know people do like me, but I don't always get the banter at work. When I've had several beers I'm totally on the same wave length and feel pretty good 🤣. Not healthy at all though and I know so.

If your kids needed a visit to the doctor every six weeks for medicine would you take them?
Yes?
Then bloody well prioritise their mum too.

Yes.

I just feel so worthless.

@lovetorun00 I could have written every word you said. I think I might be ten years older than you (my DC are 10 yrs older than yours anyway). I never took medication, but I've thoroughly self medicated through the years.

I feel much much better these days.

CBT gave me coping strategies. It's good sticking plaster to hold you together while you build your confidence and look at underlying issues.

I had 6 weeks of psychotherapy after DC1 but before DC2. It helped. Still wasn't better though.

I had a bit of a breakdown after DC2. I had developed confidence but it was based on ego and I behaved appallingly. I went back to the same psychotherapist but self funded (I know this isn't an option for everyone). I went for about 2 years on and off. I have spent thousands on it but don't regret a penny.

There was a lot in my childhood and adolescence that I needed to get my head around. I know it seems corny but the fact is that childhood is when you learn to relate to the world. So examining those relationships and issues can help you see where unhelpful thoughts originated. And this can help you start to reconstruct your attitude towards others and yourself.

There was no single eureka moment but the book Rising Strong by Brene Brown was life changing for me. If you can't afford or make time for therapy, at least read this. She's a proper researcher, her insights are based on solid data. And it's very helpful stuff.

Good luck. You aren't alone. And you aren't weird. You're amazing and worth knowing, it's just buried under some crap at the moment. You can get out of it.

You might be surprised to know that everyone is weird and anxious in their own way.

Welcome to the club called 'people' 😊

I had crippling social anxiety for a few years and it was horrendous. I can’t imagine having it with the pressure of young children as well. If you can find a therapy that allows your mind set to tip over into giving just a few less fucks about what other people think of you, then you’re on the right path. Don’t set about changing a single thing about yourself, just aim to care less about what others think of you. You’re a mum and a superstar hero in your children’s eyes I’m sure.

@lovetorun00
I’ve got two under two.

This is a challenging time to be fair. You likely don't have any free time at all to relax.

You are not worthless. You have got two children that need their mum, you are the centre of their world. Never mind anyone else!

Feeling worthless =/= being worthless.

Try to remember that.

Embarrassingly I don’t know what that symbol means..!

I had loving parents but was very shy and unconfident as a child, and was picked on because of that at school.

You're in a negative spiral. Your inner voice is saying terrible things to you: that you're worthless and no one likes you. Imagine someone was saying these things to your husband or child. What would you say to them?

You deserve to be far kinder to yourself. So when those thoughts crowd in on you, replace them with 'I am worthy'. 'I have value'. At first those words will sound hollow, but with enough positive reinforcement you should come to believe them.

Now as to friends. I have sufficient confidence not to care particularly what others think of me, and to tell you with reasonable certainty that everyone doesn't hate you. The brutal reality is they're probably not thinking of you much at all. (I would add that I see this as a good thing). People in general are too wrapped up in their own lives to fixate negatively about another person. I have few very close friends, but can also tell you that bubbly and confident are not necessarily attributes I look for in them. Kindness, loyalty and reciprocal support when times are rough are far more important.

Persevere with the medication and monitoring. It will take time, effort and commitment, but you absolutely can break this pattern.

I wish you well

Then you need a medication review because what you're on is insufficient for your needs.

Are you putting off getting the repeat prescription due to anxiety and the other "reason" is really an excuse?

Honestly, people don't hate you, in the nicest way they probably don't think about you much, it's just how people are.

I've found it quite freeing to realise most people barely even notice me so my paranoia was completely unfounded.

You need to take the meds and prioritise your health. And I like weird, nothing more boring than perfectly adjusted, confident people!

Is there any chance you have ADHD? This rings a lot of bells for “rejection sensitivity dysphoria” (I’ve felt this myself).

www.webmd.com/add-adhd/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria

www.additudemag.com/rejection-sensitive-dysphoria-and-adhd/

@MarieIVanArkleStinks thank you, but I’m not worthy and I don’t have value. I can’t see that I do.

I suppose I have value in that I feed my kids, put a roof over their head and give them a cuddle when they need. But they could equally get that off their dad. And the positives I give them are probably outweighed by the negative (me being a bad influence due to my huge lack of self esteem) anyway. The last thing I want is for them to struggle with this crippling social anxiety that I have. I’m not exactly a good role model in that regard.

Also, the thought of people not being that fussed about me is actually very liberating, but I worry that they’re actually thinking I’m a freak and not worth bothering with.

Please dont think that anyone hates you, that is just due to the way you are feeling so low and you know your children love you. Take your medication regularly and dont stop/start with it as this will cause side effects. Change to another doctor for a fresh perspective & try to get referred for nhs counselling. You will get through this but alcohol definitely isnt the answer. I hope you get the help you need.

I don’t hate you OP.
I do not know you but would always speak with you - whenever you want.
Keep it in mind.
I’ve felt that way before.