Told my therapist I felt unhealthily attached to them and that I felt I wanted them to be my friend and.....

[onlyyooooo]

....long story short, went to therapy for a while (private) therapist helped me to deal with a lot of traumatic stuff. Realised I felt unhealthily attached to therapist as in I wanted them to be a friend (DEFINITELY not sexual on my part).

All the advice said speak to therapist about this. I terminated therapy then sent an email explaining this was why.

Therapist replied along the lines of great idea!! Let's be friends.

What?

Anyone experienced ANYTHING remotely like this?

Sorry to those who have asked he is a member of a registered body but it isn't BACP.

i believe that is called ''transference'' and is quite common but even if he was a ''lad'' and wanted to stick his wang in you, he's extremely unethical and unprofessional to use his position in that way.

I would put money on his having done this before, it's so arrogant and confident . He must know that what he is doing is totally unprofessional and is taking advantage of someone who has been and may still be vulnerable. Shocking behavior, he is a risk to his clients and I hope you feel able to report him

It does completely cross boundaries. Transference is a common occurrence and they should or could have explained that, and why it is a natural stage and part of the process. Even I know that and I've never had more than half a dozen sessions with a counsellor!

They are very unprofessional and possibly attracted to you -whatever their or your sex.

Therapist here, this is very worrying and unprofessional in my opinion op x

anyone remember beechy colclough?
he was v well thought of at the time.
i think it goes on a lot more than we realise.

Wow. Pompous and longwinded with it. Are you sure you want to be their friend. Isn't that like Charlotte choosing Mr Collins willingly in Pride & Prejudice?

Wow. That's a bit weird.
I wouldn't report it because it'll just drag out and you'll be involved in something unpleasant.
I would just walk away and have no contact.
If you've already felt odd then you will throughout a friendship.
Yuk.
Superiority complex 🤮

Are his initials PB? I don't have a therapeutic relationship with PB but he has a very idiosyncratic style of writing that your letter reminds me of.

Transference is normal your therapists response is not pls report them before they do it to someone who is to vulnerable to recognise how wrong this is

@onlyyooooo
I had a 'Counsellor' whom I felt a 'connection' to...It was a male, he seemed to be a bit 'Flirty' and I actually began to get attached to him {Transference?}
He would phone me up and one day he told me he was ''Taking a break''...I was gutted.

I found out later he had been sacked for ''Gross professional misconduct''
No idea what he had done.
But Therapists by their very nature are dealing with very vulnerable and often damaged people.. and the therapist needs to be unimpeachable.

A female friend I trust simplicity was asked to do something sexual by a male therapist.
I was appalled.

I am not a therapist but have a similar role. Like @scarfweather said, I have encountered lots of people in my career who I really like and in other circumstances would happily be friends with but it would be wildly inappropriate.

The relationships I have with people are on the basis of me offering them support, kindness and unconditional positive regard. People tell me things they might not share with anyone else. They also don't have to listen to me moaning or being grumpy like my actual friends do! It isn't a balanced relationship, there is no give and take, and it wouldn't translate if that boundary was crossed. Maintaining professional boundaries is important for both me and them.

You sound like you have been really sensible OP and made a good choice in ending this therapeutic relationship.

Ugh. He wants to have sex with you and then hold you while you cry and tell him how he's saved you.

I've had four therapists. Id say one (female) did cross boundaries a fair bit and seemed to care about me in a maternal way. I ended it after 4 sessions because she became quite pushy and intrusive. It definitely veered in to not appropriate for the situation.

I'm sure there are plenty of professional, ethical therapists around, but there's also those that are drawn to therapy because of something they're seeking to fulfil something lacking in themselves. I'm not explaining myself well.

He probably needs reporting.

@onlyyooooo

I don’t suppose his initials are AC are they? I’m sure it’s not the same person as that would be a coincidence beyond belief and I think he would be in his late 80s now, but something very similar happened to me about 20 years ago…

He should have sent that letter to his supervisor, not to you.

Please do report it - assuming that his governing body has a decent process.

If its the BPS then he will be hung out to dry for this.

Run.

Run like the wind.

Sorry I am a trainee counsellor and this is completely unethical and against the BACP principles. He needs reporting.

Qual counsellor here. Report them to their governing body now. This is all shades of wrong.

The ‘as things evolved’ part of his reply makes me shudder. Report!

That’s….creepy. And deeply inappropriate. I’d strongly suspect grooming in preparation for abuse of some sort, and would report as such. You sound far more together than them. Sorry this happened to you when you are doing so well and what a twat.

Sorry this happened to you OP. Virtually anyone, basically literate and with a grand or two to take a course, can be a therapist.

Sure there are some great ones but there are 1000s of people who are completely useless at best and harmful at worst.

He is coming across as a narcissistic predator.

This reminds me of a situation years ago with an acquaintance - the best friend of a good uni friend of mine. We were all young and going out loads and all got to know each others mates reasonably well. Out of the blue, she (friend of friend) underwent a religious conversion and as part of it had some counselling with a therapist many years older than her (we were all early/mid twenties.and he was at least 50). During a session he handed her a note and asked her to read it once she had left. The note told her about his deep love for her and how they should end the therapy. Instead of running for the hills while vomiting, she decided that she felt the same. They began a relationship, she cut contact with her parents, gave up a promising career, and moved hundreds of miles away after they got married. Anyone who expressed concern was excommunicated, it was like she had been brainwashed.Which I suppose she had been.

There was no means of reporting him because he wasn't registered with any professional body, but had qualified and practised through his cult church.

Dodgy as fuck and so sad. I wonder how her life turned out. 😥

This is going to really bug me but he sounds so similar to a creepy guy a poster mentioned a couple months ago some step dad or relative figure who the OP was trying to gp NC with and he wrote some really overly eloquent tatty emails.

Its not home