Told my therapist I felt unhealthily attached to them and that I felt I wanted them to be my friend and.....

[onlyyooooo]

....long story short, went to therapy for a while (private) therapist helped me to deal with a lot of traumatic stuff. Realised I felt unhealthily attached to therapist as in I wanted them to be a friend (DEFINITELY not sexual on my part).

All the advice said speak to therapist about this. I terminated therapy then sent an email explaining this was why.

Therapist replied along the lines of great idea!! Let's be friends.

What?

Anyone experienced ANYTHING remotely like this?

Hehe…. I was thinking this…. He reminded me of English A-Level lessons where we had to analyse Lockwood in Wuthering heights and how his writing style betrays what a pompous twat he is

@StewartPie your post isn’t a great surprise. Men covering for men is a very big problem when women report these situations…

But you’re wrong when you say “Some therapists might consider it harmful to reject a suggestion of keeping in touch sort of friendship. If he invited you out for drinks or tried to get physically intimate that's one thing but terminating the therapy and a 'let's keep in touch we can meet up for a coffee sometime' isn't necessarily sinister.”

There is an ethical code of conduct that Practitioners are bound by, that is drilled into them, that they should never engage in a personal relationship with a current or ex patient. They are dealing with vulnerable people and there is a significant imbalance of power that heightens the risk of grooming and coercion. The rules are in place for good reason. Any therapist who doesn’t know them, or abide by them, is a cowboy and automatic red flag.

I'd report OP if you feel up to it. So glad you're in a good place now and are able to see this man for what he is.

I've just googled Beechy Colclough as I haven't heard that name for years, he was on telly every day practically at one point, dear God! In the article I read it also says although he's been struck off he can still call himself a therapist and at the time his website was still up and running which is extremely worrying.

@BeeAFreeBird Yes I hear you what you are saying on the ethical code point which is why the rest of the paragraph you quoted goes on to say '...or if this is a 'casual' or alternative type of therapy where he isn't operating under the strict and narrow frame work of a regulatory body'

If her therapist isn't working under any professional umbrella it wouldn't surprise me if their methods and behaviours are 'unorthodox' and is important for op to clarify (apologies if I missed this) because if they aren't governed by a professional body then that doesn't leave her any recourse to report anything to anyone and so the advice would be different. I wasn't condoning his behaviour I was trying to understand the circumstances. Life isn't black and white.

@StewartPie you said you were on the fence. Be more responsible and stop finding excuses.

@StewartPie - the OP has clarified. He has a professional body but it isn’t BCAP.

Well, dearest OP, it seems prudent to ascertain, that he doth desire, to leverage you into his four poster bed chamber, and relieve you of your bloomers.. I would take quill to parchment, and grass up the creepy opportunistic bastard. God speed.

😂

He is, the OP has already clarified that. It's wildly inappropriate.

deeply deeply honoured

Ugh, it's so 'fedora and milady'-ish

Patients in therapy bring powerful feelings and powerful transferences and counter-transferences can be evoked.

It's really important to find a therapist who has a very rigorous training, many years of their own therapy and supervision, and who understands how to work in the transference and maintain boundaries.

I see a psychoanalytic psychotherapist who is registered with the BPC. www.bpc.org.uk. Therapists registered here have all done serious trainings with great emphasis on boundaries.

The boundaries in my therapy are rock solid - I can tell her all sorts of fantasies and feelings that I have about her ... and I know that regardless of how shameful or aggressive or erotic these feelings are she does not retaliate or get excited or act on them. It took me a while to trust in this and not to feel like I needed to be responsible for the boundaries.

I know that the session ends after 50 minutes, she does not respond to communications from me outside the session, but waits to address them in the session with me, that she will never answer questions or put her own personal life and opinions "into the room". We have sometimes had occasion to be in the same place outside the therapy and she does not approach or speak to me. This can be painful at first given that she is one of two or three most important people in my life - but I know it is for my benefit.

It means I can say ANYTHING to her knowing that it can be safely thought about. It is like having a really good parent who can think about you and be appropriate no matter how outrageous your feelings might be.

It is world away from the experience the OP, and others, have had.

😂😂

Just popping back quickly on my break. This post made me 🤣🤣 I know it's quite serious but I feel the only way I can cope with it is to laugh at it, otherwise it all feels horrifying.

Laughter is good and actually it is a testament to how well you are ATM that you haven't gone to pieces over this.

Hahaha!

There is something so chilling about the was he has written the work 'delightful' here. It is as if he has been trying to conceal excitement but it just leaks out in writing this one word.

Completely seconded. I think people are forgetting that all professionals - therapists, doctors, accountants - are people, too. I also don't feel from the excerpts provided that the therapist is doing much more than being affirmative and supportive of OP's feelings, just using flowery therapist language.

@jollyroll Therapists aren't supposed to stay friends with clients. It's cut and dried. Also, OP was saying she felt it was wrong to continue contact, and he's trying to push her in the other direction.

Therefore, if you were friends in ‘real life’ they would not be your therapist. I don’t see the problem. Why are some people quick to report? They haven’t actually done anything wrong.

His letter does come across as a come-on, schmoozing OP to butter her up for sex.

Also, continuing on a friendship after a therapeutic relationship is generally seen as bad form anyway, as there's a certain dynamic/imbalance of power now built between the therapist and client.

Have no more to do with him of course @onlyyooooo , don't reply in any way so he doesn't know you have an issue with what he did, and invent a cover story if you were to report.

So that he isn't forewarned I mean. Though men like that can always come up with some story to cover themselves.

Creepy AF.

Me too.

fucking hell. I badly need therapy but I avoid it and will continue to avoid it having read this thread.

LITERALLY duper's delight <shudder>

jumping on this with a question after reading so much about transference. I have experienced it myself and I tried to let my therapist know in a round about way that I was worried I relied on her too much and that I had come to need her support more than I felt comfortable- I felt too awkward to say’ I wan to be friends with you and I think about you all the time!’- I don’t know if I got it across at all and she didn’t press but did remind me she was providing a paid for service… whilst this is true the detachment in her response was a little hurtful and didn’t make me feel less embarrassed or worried about the transference. How should transference be worked through in therapy? Should I say it more outright? What should a therapist do with the info?

That's a great question. I think it warrants its own thread. You should start one. People won't see it here.

Agree with Merry. Well done for recognising and broaching it with them!