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Original poster

Told my therapist I felt unhealthily attached to them and that I felt I wanted them to be my friend and.....

229 replies

onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:10

....long story short, went to therapy for a while (private) therapist helped me to deal with a lot of traumatic stuff. Realised I felt unhealthily attached to therapist as in I wanted them to be a friend (DEFINITELY not sexual on my part).

All the advice said speak to therapist about this. I terminated therapy then sent an email explaining this was why.

Therapist replied along the lines of great idea!! Let's be friends.

What?

Anyone experienced ANYTHING remotely like this?

OP posts:
Noteverybodylives · 04/10/2022 21:36

now that you have prompted me to think I find myself in accord with your wisdom. A case of the therapist learning from the client. That that is what I would like, too. More than like, be deeply deeply honoured.

Who even talks like that!!

Someone who thinks the sun shines out of his own ass (I’m assuming it’s a he too speak like that) aka a narcissist.

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:37

beastlyslumber · 04/10/2022 21:32

Did you withdraw from therapy because you felt you wanted to be friends? I've wanted to be friends with therapists in the past but assume that's how you're meant to feel? Like, to have positive regard for them, they are helpful and trustworthy etc. But also I understood that our relationship was not a friendship.

I was pretty much done with therapy, there as nothing more that I wanted to cover. But I still felt a tie with the therapist or that I did not want to leave. Therapist was quite keen to keep me there and it all just came to a head.

I had tried to discuss before that it was beginning to feel more like a friendship than me needing to be there - tried to 'bring that into the room' as it were but I never felt like that got through.

I terminated therapy then sent an explanation as to why - I felt done (Yeay! I mean that's great news, right) but also that I felt I was only returning because of the connection, not because I had work to do and that it felt like I was trying to turn it into a friendship.

I did NOT ask/offer/invite/have wisdom that it should be a friendship. I was just explaining why I'd left.

That (above) was (part of) the response.

OP posts:
teaandtoastplease · 04/10/2022 21:39

This therapist definitely needs to be reported. It's very concerning that they felt their response to your email was appropriate. Totally unprofessional and unethical.

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:39

Noteverybodylives · 04/10/2022 21:36

now that you have prompted me to think I find myself in accord with your wisdom. A case of the therapist learning from the client. That that is what I would like, too. More than like, be deeply deeply honoured.

Who even talks like that!!

Someone who thinks the sun shines out of his own ass (I’m assuming it’s a he too speak like that) aka a narcissist.

Yes. The "I am in accord with your wisdom" bit is so weird, also. Almost like he thinks he's Jung talking to Freud.

I honestly don't know what to do with any of it.

OP posts:
Msgrieves · 04/10/2022 21:39

That message you copied deffo sounds like a man. Fucks sake, it's no wonder I'm dubious about therapy.

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:41

Wait I am going to type out more - like I said he wrote to me via the post so it takes me a moment to copy. But the next bit is even more freaking worrying I think.

OP posts:
ChilliBandit · 04/10/2022 21:41

I definitely think that’s a man who has written that. No woman writes like that.

I would definitely report, beyond unprofessional. It may not be sexual for you but I bet it is for him. This is such an abuse of power, I hope you find a decent therapist to help you OP.

CoconutQueen · 04/10/2022 21:42

I don't know what I would do with it either OP. This is very unusual.
The main thing is that it's great you feel recovered and don't need therapy any more.
You need no more contact with them so I would definitely not be responding to their inappropriate (and frankly weird) reply.

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:43

Cba to type here's a pic

Told my therapist I felt unhealthily attached to them and that I felt I wanted them to be my friend and.....
OP posts:
CoconutQueen · 04/10/2022 21:43

He wrote to you in the post as in Royal Mail letter with stamp?
Is that how you had written to him with your closing the therapy message?

ChilliBandit · 04/10/2022 21:44

He really thinks he is some great philosopher doesn’t he?

FamSender · 04/10/2022 21:45

Did they talk like they write? I'm amazed you were able to have successful therapy with this person, and that you thought you liked them possibly as a friend.😂

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:45

Yes well done to everyone who guessed it was a bloke 😄honest to god.

I'm not really up for a sparring match with whoever (and I'm not sure who it would be) I'd have to report this too. I've been scapegoated before for whistleblowing and also found myself caught in the machinations of official complaints processes when I've just wanted to give feedback so I'm worried about triggering any kind of process around this.

But it's batshit.

This person has been a therapist for decades but it's taken me feeling like it would be nice for us to be friends for him to decide we don't need professional boundaries anymore. What?

OP posts:
CoconutQueen · 04/10/2022 21:46

From the language and the handwriting for some reason I am picturing an old man with necktie type therapist...in his slippers or even some sort of smoking jacket (am very invested in this now)

TimeforZeroes · 04/10/2022 21:46

Wowsa. This guy needs therapy.

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:47

FamSender · 04/10/2022 21:45

Did they talk like they write? I'm amazed you were able to have successful therapy with this person, and that you thought you liked them possibly as a friend.😂

😂thank you for that. The only thing I can do is laugh at times!! I don't remember him being quite so pompous in person, but perhaps he was? Like I say the wanting to be friends thing I recognised as a kind of temporary madness - it's a shame he didn't!!

OP posts:
CoconutQueen · 04/10/2022 21:47

Yes, Batshit is a brilliant summary of this LOL

zillah · 04/10/2022 21:48

I think that message to you is unambiguously inappropriate and the sender knows it.
But you were asking if people had experienced similar- I did, not the same but maybe relevant (sorry if not). I had a therapist over years who (among other oddness) hugged me, told me masses about his personal life, told me he'd spoken to other clients about me, told me he'd spent entire sessions with his supervisor discussing me... It all felt OFF but I was invested/scared to stop. Eventually I left in a temper after he got angry with me for having to cancel a session when I had an ill baby. The part that might be relevant to you is that I did not report it, but I do wish I had, because in retrospect the excessive intensity was glaringly wrong. You have already terminated the therapy so you've been wiser than I! I would say don't respond unless it's to impersonally settle a bill and think about whether you should report if it's not too disruptive for you. The fact that they are clearly gesturing at wrongness and intrigue (even if platonic) strongly suggests dodgy boundaries they should at least work on. It's an unpleasant feeling but you've done the right thing & hopefully you can find better help in future if you need to.

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:48

CoconutQueen · 04/10/2022 21:46

From the language and the handwriting for some reason I am picturing an old man with necktie type therapist...in his slippers or even some sort of smoking jacket (am very invested in this now)

😂😂😂

Honestly, it's not funny because it's bad that he might hurt people, but it is funny because.....well...

OP posts:
beastlyslumber · 04/10/2022 21:50

Wow, what a creep. I'm sorry this happened, OP, especially as you felt done with therapy and really he should have supported you with moving on.

I understand about not wanting to report in case there are repercussions but maybe see what the process is and decide? Or... review? Can you review therapists?

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:51

zillah · 04/10/2022 21:48

I think that message to you is unambiguously inappropriate and the sender knows it.
But you were asking if people had experienced similar- I did, not the same but maybe relevant (sorry if not). I had a therapist over years who (among other oddness) hugged me, told me masses about his personal life, told me he'd spoken to other clients about me, told me he'd spent entire sessions with his supervisor discussing me... It all felt OFF but I was invested/scared to stop. Eventually I left in a temper after he got angry with me for having to cancel a session when I had an ill baby. The part that might be relevant to you is that I did not report it, but I do wish I had, because in retrospect the excessive intensity was glaringly wrong. You have already terminated the therapy so you've been wiser than I! I would say don't respond unless it's to impersonally settle a bill and think about whether you should report if it's not too disruptive for you. The fact that they are clearly gesturing at wrongness and intrigue (even if platonic) strongly suggests dodgy boundaries they should at least work on. It's an unpleasant feeling but you've done the right thing & hopefully you can find better help in future if you need to.

Thank you so much, Zillah, for sharing and I really appreciate your response. I'm sorry you had that experience, too and some of it mirrors mine also (sadly) god I hope it's not the same guy...

OP posts:
StateOfTheUterus · 04/10/2022 21:53

I’m a bit confused by it all, and perhaps that’s deliberate but is he saying (in the most pretentious language) the equivalent of “I’m very flattered, if things were different then i’d love to be your friend, but we both know that we can’t”

worriedniece · 04/10/2022 21:55

Are you in the south of England?

TooBigForMyBoots · 04/10/2022 21:56

Unethical behaviour from the therapist.Angry

Original poster
onlyyooooo · 04/10/2022 21:58

Sorry it's posted side on

Told my therapist I felt unhealthily attached to them and that I felt I wanted them to be my friend and.....
OP posts: