Told my therapist I felt unhealthily attached to them and that I felt I wanted them to be my friend and.....

[onlyyooooo]

....long story short, went to therapy for a while (private) therapist helped me to deal with a lot of traumatic stuff. Realised I felt unhealthily attached to therapist as in I wanted them to be a friend (DEFINITELY not sexual on my part).

All the advice said speak to therapist about this. I terminated therapy then sent an email explaining this was why.

Therapist replied along the lines of great idea!! Let's be friends.

What?

Anyone experienced ANYTHING remotely like this?

Not him is it**

Pressed send too soon!

I bet he has form for this. I notice there was nothing so special about that letter for him that he could be arsed to start again on a fresh sheet of paper when he cocked up and had to cross a word out, which is at odds with the drama of his flowery words imo. I reckon this is his standard goodbye letter to female clients, on the offchance that he might catch one in his post-therapeutic web every once in a while.

His initials aren't RR, are they, OP? Someone I consulted and immediately ran a mile from some years ago, and haven't thought about since, just came unexpectedly to mind as I was reading all his drivel.

I too would report him, assuming his professional association is reputable.

You need to report this to his governing body, this is a massive breach of professional behaviour. His name doesn't begin with R and practice down south does he?

OP

I'm a trainee psychotherapist. If your therapist is accredited with someone like the BACP I would recommend reporting this. It is massively unprofessional and unethical.

I will answer this of course but I am really interested as to why you think the difference is important (I think it is important and I'm just checking if we're pulling on the same thread). Because if it's someone of the opposite sex their response is more likely to be motivated by a desire to take advantage of your vulnerability Either way, their response is not ok.

But your feelings are pretty normal, transference is common and you're sharing things like someone might usually only share with someone very close, or things so intimate you wouldn't even with those closest to you.
I don't think people need to cancel therapy due to transference (but obviously this particular therapist is shady anyway.)

I can't even bring myself to read it much.

His initials aren't S.J and he doesn't live in the Midlands, does he?

Such a shame there are so many candidates. This should hardly ever happen.

Report him for sure to the org he's a member of.

Dont suppose he lives near bristol does he?

To give some context of appropriate therapist behaviour - within a few weeks of seeing a new therapist we coincidentally saw each other in town while I was with a friend. Therapist said “Hi” as we passed. Five minutes later I got a text from her apologising as we hadn’t had chance to discuss in session how I would like her to behave if we were to meet socially.

And before anyone jumps on this as precious or over sensitive, she had a very valid point - as a confidential service, there are many reasons why you might not want friends/family/partner to know you’re in therapy. THAT is the level of professionalism expected in a therapist

This. Report. 100%

It's against all guidance and completely unethical.

now that you have prompted me to think I find myself in accord with your wisdom. A case of the therapist learning from the client. That that is what I would like, too. More than like, be deeply deeply honoured.

This is clearly written by a man, trying to get in your pants. Not interested in an actual friendship, but thinks meeting up for dinner “as friends” and getting you drunk is the easiest way to get you into bed. Totally grim.

Bloody hell. I saw a therapist a few years ago and a a year and half into our sessions, I casually asked if she had children (my sessions were centred around this) and she were firmly and bluntly said that information had nothing to do with our sessions! I never asked again. This man seems like a romantic in that 'we met during therapy and she never left, hahahaha' sense. I'd be very firm and reply back saying you don't think that would be professional or a good idea. I think reporting him would be a step too far.

Okay OP, if he is then ignore my post as it seems he has form for this. Report the fucker.

Absolutely. I’m a therapist and I contract for exactly this when a client first starts with me. I’ve occasionally bumped into clients and have never acknowledged them unless they’ve said hello first. A client’s confidentiality is paramount.

OP, I’m so, so sorry this has happened to you. I have worked with clients where I’ve felt a sadness that we couldn’t be friends, but I am acutely aware of the nature of our relationship. When it does happen, I’m curious about it, reflect what it might be about and take to supervision! I’ve experienced erotic countertransference towards clients too, but again worked it through in supervision.

This man has completely overstepped all professional boundaries and has exploited the client/therapist power imbalance.

I think you mentioned that whistleblowing is a really uncomfortable role for you. I wonder what you need to help you process all of this?

Yes, a veiled (by flowery language and 'your wisdom as a client' gaff) way to tell you he's interested in you beyond professional reationship - the key words are 'in accord' and essentialy he's interested and very willing but needs to be cautious.

He couldn't be straight so had to write this in case anyone reads it so he can then backpeddle and claim he was interested in a client's wisdom.🙄

*backpedal

@dottypencilcase omg - do you think it's the same therapist? Has a little therapy office in his garden building? Sureounded by books? Thinks he had a grey beard? Liked to talk about himself? Alot!

Reporting him to his professional body would be entirely appropriate, but only if the OP feels comfortable doing so.

Completely seconded. I think people are forgetting that all professionals - therapists, doctors, accountants - are people, too. I also don't feel from the excerpts provided that the therapist is doing much more than being affirmative and supportive of OP's feelings, just using flowery therapist language.

If you appreciated this person's help for a long-time and never felt your Spidey Sense tingle, I would trust that. Leave it be and move on, is my advice.

I had a therapist who asked me that question when I mentioned a particular place I liked going to, & she did too. We agreed that we would just say, "Hello," to each other.

I liked her a lot as a person & said to her early on that she was the sort of person I like to have as friends, & while it was great to have her as my therapist it was also sad because that meant I could never have her as a friend. It was just a fact & we both knew/agreed that friendship was impossible.

OP, since you've decided the therapy is over & that you don't want a fuss, just walk away. You don't have to fight every battle.

All very strange on therapist's part but I think you know full well that you have crossed boundaries and you are definitely looking for a reaction. Sorry to be blunt.

This is not usual behaviour and my alarm bells are screaming.

It’s understandable that you’ve formed an attachment to someone providing emotional support. It’s healthy that you’ve recognised that you’re feeling uncomfortable and have set a boundary. Your instincts are telling you something. Please listen to them.

Because of the imbalance of power, and potential for grooming and coercion of vulnerable people (anyone processing trauma is vulnerable), it is NEVER appropriate for a medical or mental health practitioner to have a personal relationship with a vulnerable patient they have treated.

The response you received is violating important ethical boundaries. This is not a safe situation and it’s potentially serious.

You’ve got this though. Stick to what your instincts are telling you to do, which is to remove yourself from this situation. Send a polite reply thanking them again for the therapy that has been received and saying that you think it’s best to keep the boundaries professional and to end therapy with a clean break. If there is any escalation seek advice from a patient safety helpline or their regulator ASAP.

Sending love x

Sounds like therapist is from a particular training humanistic as opposed to psychodynamic. . I wouldn’t personally go further. The feeling of attraction to your therapist is very common and generally dealt with as part of your transference. It shouldn’t be related to literally by the therapist.

this kind of event comes from a particular type of humanistic therapy. It treats things in an unconventional way , eg hugging and more personal approach. It has issues and dangers but does exist.

I thought of that, it was an abusive dad that was an apparently successful author too but think there was an American connection? Similar language style.