Parent and carers of anxious teens(part 6)

[Stilllivinginazoo]

Another thread full!!
For anyone new,these threads started as my D's had crippling anxiety in year 8( and was later diagnosed ASD)now about to start 6th form in September we have been running this quite a while!
This is a safe space to discuss the overwhelm that can engulf us,seek advice and find friendship with others in a similar position.
Please note this is a non judgemental space and respect and care of each other is at the centre of what we are here for.
Whether you want to vent and run,or hang around a while,welcome!

@Runnerduck34 that's really fantastic news and heralding a really positive start in September.

@HerRoyalHappiness that sounds so unnecessarily difficult for you. Why are things made so complicated now?
The district nurses used to perform this role.
But there's currently such a shortage of them. To get a decent level of care in the NHS now it requires some fight. And that's simply too much for some that are ill already.

Runner - really pleased for your brilliant news! You've had such a stressful time, I hope you can relax and enjoy this win.

Royal - I'm sorry you are having such a bad time at the moment made all the harder by stretched and not joined up services letting you down.

Runner wonderful news.

HerRoyalHappiness the last thing you need is DS’s father causing more stress. Even if the district nurses don’t do catheters in your area there will be a community team that does, it is worth trying to find out who they are.

You're right it is the last thing I need. But then he never did care if I ended up in hospital or not. He was always more interested in himself. And he has told DS he doesn't like him as he's too much like me so now DS feels rejected by his dad. He should be able to depend on his dad but he can't.

@Runnerduck34 fantastic news.well done for holding out and fighting for what you are entitled too.

DS's 2nd day on no Escitalopram.
He's a bit antsy. But he did get up early & sleep all night, which is a start. I can't go out & leave him by himself today, so I guess I'll be watching mistresses all day on my 7 day britbox trial. As I have no work on today.

Hope you enjoy that @Cantonet <no idea what that is >
Been dragging heavy shopping around today,Aldi first then waitrose.kids only drink bottles water,youngest bottled flavour water and it's HEAVY.think hurt my neck/shoulders carry it.bugger

Thanks all. Now waiting for a response to
my email to LA re implementation.....

Cantonet Hope DS is OK and you get to have a chilled day.

Zoo , DD only really likes drinking from ( pre filled) bottles or cartons, she doesn't like/ trust glasses, beakers, water bottles or anything reusable- it's to do with them being properly clean and sometimes texture/ feel. I'm trying to put my foot down as it costs a fortune, she has her own beaker but she needs to wash it herself before any drink is put into it. As I'm typing this I realise how ridiculous it sounds ! I hope your neck and shoulders are ok

There you all are! Sorry I haven’t kept up been on holiday then got covid. Holiday was a bit of a disaster for DD1, she couldn’t cope with being outside really, could see her getting really anxious in the busier areas. She also moaned non-stop about everything, the food, sharing a room, not having the correct clothes.

it’s her birthday this week feel sad as it should be a big celebration but she can’t cope with any of that. She has her last CAHMs appt tomorrow too but she doesn’t like them as she doesn’t like it do what they suggest (trying to get into a routine, eating 3 regular meals a day) feel like we are in Groundhog Day.

@sweetkitty sorry DD didn't enjoy the holiday. That.sounds rough for all of you.

DS1 went out today. With a friend and her dad to an open day at the fire station. He had fun but he was too nervous to hold the owl that they had there. He came home after an hour and a half. But still he went out! He hasn't been out since he was threatened with a knife.

DS1 had the day off yesterday as he was so anxious about going in..they found out if they had moved sets and he was worried he'd move down to set 2. I managed to convince him that even if he does its not the end of the world and he went into school today. He cane hone and no set changes so he's happy.

Pleased you found us @swesweetkitty
Sorry the holiday was hardwork.
I hope their were some glimmers / good times whilst you were there. DC with MH can be pretty self absorbed and it is hardwork.
I know what you mean about groundhog day. My DD was also resistant to camhs suggestions such as mindfulness, routine, eating and sleeping well etc. She has now turned a corner but in her own time ,she now goes outside every day - which is massive achievement ( though I know it doesn't sound like it) so hang in there, I would object to any camhs discharge if she still needs support even though she finds it difficult to engage.

Sounds like some positive progress @herroyalhappiness

We had good progress this weekend, DD managed a day out in London and although it was busy she coped. She even managed to shop for bras including me measuring her and trying lots on. Huge progress on both all counts, me touching her to measure, seeing her in a bra, etcetc This from a girl who hated the changes her body so much as she went through in puberty that she wanted a binder, she's been wearing minimising sport bra/ crop tops for 2 years , so wanting a first proper bra ( and a pretty lacy one!) is massive step for body acceptance.

That sounds such lovely news @Runnerduck34. Your daughter has obviously gone through a real journey of self - discovery. It's fantastic to celebrate the very real positives of this thread.
Welcome @Sweetkitty.
DS came back from his job exhausted but happy he'd earned £42.00. He's going to work every Sunday from now on. He's no more chatty, but seems no different without the Antidepressant.
He really doesn't want to discuss his feelings or anything like that.
I'm not sure whether he's just put it in the past & doesn't want to be reminded of the turmoil. The next thing is trying to get him to exercise. He's not doing any & I think has been binge eating Carbs. He's certainly put on a lot of weight over the last few months. I don't know how to encourage him with healthy eating without making a big thing of it.
Any advice?

Cantonet that's fabulous news about the trial shift, I hope the job works out well for him, having a job can be great for increasing confidence and self esteem plus they grow up a bit . I hope its a positive experience for DS.
No real.tips about healthy eating, I have the opposite problem a teenage daughter who is a fussy eater and a vegan and barely eats a thing. I'm worried about her not eating enough.
All I know is that whatever I suggest is pushed back at me so I try it by stealth -healthy dinners and snacks as i buy the groceries but still has limited success. It's pretty impossible as they get older and buy their own snacks etc.
Going out as a family for weekend walks or doing an activity he likes may help with exercise ( or not if he is like my teens🤣)or something like wii sports?

Cantonet it is wonderful hear DS’s job is going well. No tips for healthy eating here either, as like Runner we have the opposite problem. For exercising would DS do something at home if you got some equipment?

Runner going outside every day is brilliant progress. We ensure DS1 leaves the house every day even if it’s only in to the garden otherwise it becomes harder to get him to go out - something shielding highlighted the extent of.

HerRoyalHappiness I hope you have heard about a neurology appointment.

sweetkitty sorry the holiday was difficult.

My neurology appointment will be a while off yet as there's a minimum of 50 weeks wait. Also found out today that I have 2 herniated discs. Not one. The GP accessed my MRI.

DS1 is now even more panicky about me. It must be hard as it is having a disabled mum, never mind one who is so prone to injury. Poor kid.

No idea on healthy eating. I'm a nightmare for binge eating myself.

Thank you for the thread, it's been very helpful to me. Can i please join? My DD13 is a lovely and beautiful girl, very generous and kind, smart and doing really well at school. She has everything going for her and I can't bear to see her self-harming, suffering from eating disorders and wasting her life away. We are on AD and counselling but it feels that we are not progressing much and when we make a step forward, it is always 2 steps back shortly after. I don't know what else I can do to help her. I find it so difficult to see her like this and not being able to help her. I can't bear this any more, my life is a misery and I want to put an end to it. I can't keep going like this, I hate to go to bed because I am scared what I may find in the morning, I hate to get up and face another miserable day. Just that really. Thanks for taking your time to read this.

Thats a huge wait for neurology royal, I hope you get help with the herniated discs quickly. I know being in pain direct impacts MH and you have enough to deal with as it is. I hope DS is can be reassured and you aren't feeling too poorly or in pain.

@trainjourney welcome.
I'm glad you've found us, feel free to vent at any time. One step forward 2 steps back is a familiar pattern.
It's so very difficult seeing your child suffer and struggle, I have gone through that sinking feeling every morning too. Its tough but things can and do improve even though right now it may seem impossible . I've a DD that has successfully recovered from anorexia it was a hellish journey but she got there, don't give up hope. Also look after yourself as much as you can, you may also need ADs or counselling to help you help your daughter.

Welcome Trainjourney. One step forward, 2 back is familiar here too, hence my name. DS1&DS3 have EDNOS complicated by a medical condition and allergies. You are more than welcome to post here and there are other posters with DC with EDs too, but in case you haven’t seen it there is also a teen ED thread on the ED board. I second Runner’s suggestion of counselling for you.

HerRoyalHappiness that is a long wait. Does DS have support from the local Young Carers service?

@Runnerduck34 what a successful shopping trip!❤️
@Cantonet more good news with D's and the job.
Dd2 pitches and swings between not eating much and bingeing to comfort.with reflux on top prefers dry/not to wet foods).my only advise would be try make sure there is some protein in there as it sustains and satisfies better than just a lot of carbs(DD is the bread/carb queen with lashings of spread).i leave prepped fruit in the fridge as more likely to be eaten if no effort involved...
@HerRoyalHappiness I second asking if D's us part of young carers?
@Trainjourney welcome.have you got any support/somewhere to offload.its a HUGE mental strain caring for a mentally unwell child.

I finally got round to starting pip process for dd2.ds has been awarded pip in switch over from DLA.

Last few days of term were difficult with lil zoo.exoecting a LOT push back September as GCSE years she's expected to attend full time again,can't see that happening tbh....
Camhs again this week,no idea what's happening as she says nothing.i suspect she's saying what thinks needs to be said and shutting down the rest.not convinced progress will happen.
Dd2 is still a ball of constant nerves.her inability to stop body scanning and checking in with her anxiety constantly is very draining.still sleeping on me to help regulate herself for at least part of the night.
DS is start rev up ahead sept,which I expected.old school were contacted 4x for expected grades to pass on to new one.no reply😤.think we are looking at 8th sept to do initial visit.transport application has been submitted.
I'm not doing well at all,constant exhaustion,tearful,tiniest thing messes up and I go to pieces.combo too many years running on empty and hormones(or to put it better decreasing hormones)..summer here needs to be a self care one whilst anxiety levels are a tiny fraction lower as no school.

Hope everyone's doing ok x

I’m sorry you are struggling so much at the moment Zoo, but pleased DS’s transition to PIP went smoothly. Hopefully DD2’s claim will be successful, too. Have you claimed DLA for DD3, and also an EHCNA?

Yesterday DS2 went away with a friend and their family for a week. It’s only within England but I hope it goes OK as it’s the first time he’s been away with a friend. It highlights how big the gap between DS2 and DS1&3 is.

I hope he has a lovely time @1twirlforward2back
My brain is utter fudge..ehcna???she refuses to believe she has any kind of problem currently
This week I need to try and sort some clothes for her.she has one pair of trousers and school skirts,plus couple t shirts and jumpers..she's incredibly specific about clothes- how they look and feel,yet it cannot be quantified it's a see it and "know" she refuses to wear basic joggers,plain t shirts etc so I'm desperate to find something she thinks charity shops might hold the key,so we going to give that a go.last time we went she got overwhelmed almost cried and wanted to go home in under 20 minutes...keep everything crossed for us we find something,or she will be wandering like lady Godiva soon as outgrows her things!!

I hope you can find some acceptable clothes.

An EHCNA is needs assessment you first apply for prior to the LA issuing, or not, an EHCP.

Lack of insight into difficulties isn’t unusual. DS1 has very poor insight. DD3 doesn’t even need to know you have applied for DLA.

Sorry its been really tough zoo, I hope the summer holidays brings a bit of relief and good luck with clothes shopping, its not at all easy when they have sensory issues. well done on completing 2 applications for PIP , Im sure it was extremely time consuming and draining, I hope the second claim is also successful.
I hope you get some sleep , I dont know how you manage with DD sleeping on you. Definitely make sure you fit in some self care.

Twirl I hope DS2 has a good time, but get it must be bittersweet as it highlights the gap between siblings.