Wtf is wrong with me?

[AnonyMouseStrikesAgain]

I find functioning in life impossible. I can't maintain friendships, hobbies, goals, a tidy house, jobs commitments I can't do it. I've never really been able to do it. I've just hopped along my whole life. I would say I have depression which rises and falls but it is always there and I'm pessimistic about life in general. I'm at home today and I should be at work but I've slept for the the majority of the day (since school drop off) and I feel guilty for missing work but I couldn't face it. My stomach is in knots I'm exhausted and I struggled to get dressed. I don't feel guilty enough to do anything about it and I worry that my mood is so dark that I'm doing things against my nature, if that even makes sense? I don't want to harm myself but I feel like I'm spiralling down and I can't stop myself. I feel sick, dizzy, tired, anxious, wobbly, angry, tearful all at once. I know that doesn't make sense but that's how I feel. I don't know how to stop this. Yes, I can go to gp but I'll get a prescription for a pill I won't remember to take or will take then stop - I go up and down you see. The downs are getting longer and the ups are very short. Not really sure what I'm looking for but I have had help on these boards years ago and I can't talk to anyone in real life as everyone is so busy and successful and functional that they probably wouldn't get it at all.

Ask for a referral to your local community mental health team as well

Why do I need to do that @MobLife ?

So you can see a psychiatrist and have an assessment

Maybe slow down, take each day at a time, write notes and reminders for doing x tasks in a dairy ? All the best and positivity

I was thinking adhd or add. traumatic childhoods can affect the normal development of the brain. Not sure best next steps but hopefully someone here can advise ❤️

Ps I'm perimenopausal and have got worse with general focus issues. So you could look at that.

Ask a different GP to refer you. If they refuse again, you can then write an email to GP Practice Manager to complain and request a referral.
You need to be proactive and politely but firmly insistent.

Is it depression or could it be hormone related? I had similar feelings and experiences for many many years, I was put on antidepressants that did nothing, keeping a mood diary helped me understand it was my hormones at fault and I eventually found a suitable pill that has pretty much changed my life.

@AnonyMouseStrikesAgain I really relate to your symptoms and your struggle with general life.

Do you have someone who would help remind you to take medication?

I found that by remembering to take antidepressants that it lifted my mood enough to that I could start tackling the rest of my life.

I've been struggling again recently after 3 years without antidepressants so I know I need to call the GP for a prescription but I can't even organise myself to do that.

How are your relationships, do you have general support at home. The plan to see the GP and ask for more assessments is a good one.

I have been diagnosed with BPD/EUPD and I sort of disagree with the diagnosis. I think it's more likely to be an autism/adhd type thing. Some days are good days and some days are bad days. When you need to sleep all day, do it. Take the time you need to be able to function and don't beat yourself up about it. Move on to the next day and do what you need that day.

I suppose one positive of getting a diagnosis would be potential to claim PIP or whatever.

How are you feeling today?

I am just getting ready for work now which is a huge effort but I'm going to see how the shift goes. Work is very stressful and I'm close to leaving so I can focus on myself and my health but this will be yet another job I have left so I'm trying not to leave. Hoping the doctor will return my calls today at some point so I can call on my break and try and get something sorted.

I do use a calendar and a diary but when I'm really struggling they just make me feel more stressed and guilty. I do put reminders on my phone for everything though - pills I need to take, things I need to remember, I make use of both very well.

I can't manage too much though and my self care is usually the first to fall by the wayside.

Your post really resonates with me. I have an appointment with my GP this week as I feel like I may have ADHD. I'm not sure if it will get me anywhere but I'm just at the end of my tether.

I feel this way a lot and I sometimes wonder if it's autism/adhd. I had a sad, lonely, neglectful childhood with a mother who clearly didn't love me. As an adult I am depressed and anxious to varying degrees at all times and my self-esteem is very low. I struggle with all of the things you mention in your OP - keeping jobs, maintaining friendships, keeping a tidy home, managing my children's calendars.

I wonder if I would have an easier time if my self esteem was good and I wasn't depressed and anxious all the time. Whether any further specific diagnosis is needed I'm not sure. Perhaps that explains the bulk of the problem.

www.additudemag.com/adhd-symptoms-test-adults/

I was assessed, even though my parents were dead.

I had all my school reports, though.

@anonymousestrikesagain to answer your question to me on the previous page.....yes, inasmuch as I don't feel like I'm silently going mad any more. I'm not examining myself and thinking wtf is wrong with me? I can now be kind to myself, and say, yes, you're having a bad time of it at the moment but this will pass. And believe it.

I've just finished work and I'm really glad I went in and didn't stay in bed or at home because although it was very busy I think it helped my mood to be around other humans. I had to force myself to get out of bed and if I think about that now it seems ridiculous but that's how I felt.

I think part of my problem is that I'm not very strong and let these feelings engulf me sometimes but not going to work doesn't make me any happier - you just get the guilt.

No call or message from doctor unfortunately I'm on a 12 hour tomorrow so I am going to be playing phone tennis I think.

I always thought the first sign of my struggling was time off work followed by leaving work but I do allow it to build until it seems insurmountable. This is a pattern I need to break as the more times it happens the more likely I will do this in the future. It's also crippling to my self esteem not to mention rude to the people who get messed around.

It's easy to say all this now but when I'm wading through the mud I can't and don't listen to reason - ever - and I don't think "oh, I can't let anyone down because the team needs me today" I can't think about anyone else and that isn't fair or kind and I hate myself for that. It's hard to describe but I feel like it's a similar response to when fight or flight happens where I think "oh, I can't cope with this anyway so I'll just jump before I'm pushed" but the truth is no one is pushing me and it's all in my head. Writing that down sounds ridiculous but that's how I feel.

I'm not saying I'm ok - I'm most definitely not ok - but I went to work today which was an improvement on yesterday.

Thanks for all the replies so far. Still not going to give up on a GP appointment either.

@AnonyMouseStrikesAgain I'm glad you had a better day today.

Keep trying the GP.

Im like this and ive got ADHD. Is there a fix

Sometimes finding the right type of therapy and the right therapist is a bit of a treasure hunt, but coming out the other side is worth it. I promise.

Hello all, I've finished work but I've managed to book a dr's appointment for Monday afternoon which caused a lot of hassle as team leader didn't want me having the time off but I was quite firm and said I either come in first and go for my appointment or I don't come in at all which sounds rude typing it out but I got the impression he was about to be very difficult about it. So doctors is booked which is a relief. I had a 12 hour today and it really took it out of me but again, I'm proud I lasted. Baby steps is my aim. One foot in front of the other that's all I can do. I will make a list to give the gp about what's been happening too so if words fail me I've already written it out. @SunshinePie will add counselling to the list too, thank you for the reminder.

@AnonyMouseStrikesAgain Wishing you all the best for Monday and that you get the referrals you need to get the ball rolling with this 💐