Wtf is wrong with me?

[AnonyMouseStrikesAgain]

I find functioning in life impossible. I can't maintain friendships, hobbies, goals, a tidy house, jobs commitments I can't do it. I've never really been able to do it. I've just hopped along my whole life. I would say I have depression which rises and falls but it is always there and I'm pessimistic about life in general. I'm at home today and I should be at work but I've slept for the the majority of the day (since school drop off) and I feel guilty for missing work but I couldn't face it. My stomach is in knots I'm exhausted and I struggled to get dressed. I don't feel guilty enough to do anything about it and I worry that my mood is so dark that I'm doing things against my nature, if that even makes sense? I don't want to harm myself but I feel like I'm spiralling down and I can't stop myself. I feel sick, dizzy, tired, anxious, wobbly, angry, tearful all at once. I know that doesn't make sense but that's how I feel. I don't know how to stop this. Yes, I can go to gp but I'll get a prescription for a pill I won't remember to take or will take then stop - I go up and down you see. The downs are getting longer and the ups are very short. Not really sure what I'm looking for but I have had help on these boards years ago and I can't talk to anyone in real life as everyone is so busy and successful and functional that they probably wouldn't get it at all.

@MobLife off the top of my head, no.

Thanks for your message @NorthMumOfTwo . I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall with the GP. I'm glad yours is listening to you.

I haven't chatted with my GP yet just made an appointment so not sure how it will go but I know something is wrong with me, I've always felt like the black sheep my whole life, can't hold down a career, little interest in socialising etc it's just a vicious cycle of problems hence why I'm trying to seek out help now before it becomes more of a dark spiral not understanding what's happening with me. You need to be persistent with you GP tell them you know your own body and need to see someone regarding your mental health as you deserve to be listened to and acknowledged xxx

@GandTfortea I've just read the list you mentioned and it resonated so much with me I cried my eyes out. I do all of this and more and I was shook with how much it sounded like how I'm feeling both now and previously. Maybe I'm reading too much into it or clutching at straws but it sounded exactly like me to a T.

@NorthMumOfTwo very best of luck with GP then.

Who would do the testing for adhd is it a psychiatrist?

I've always scored high on testa for adhd and I'm a long term mental health patient under a psychiatrist. I've also been on every anti depressant known to man, currently on Venlefaxine, Mirtazapine, Quetiapine and diazepam. I honestly don't know if they work or not.

I've always felt that I couldn't have adhd as I was always high achieving at school, college and uni despite doing very very little with my life.

Do you think I should ask my psychiatrist about this or my gp? Or would my gp refer me to a psychiatrist.

Thank you, so much of what you write resonates with me.

Ps I don't want to hijack your thread I'm just in the dark about all this and don't know who to ask.

Well no offence but don't ask me I can't even sort myself out. Maybe start your own thread for more discussion on your own issues?

If you've read the full thread you'll see that I was not considered for ADHD referral as I did not have childhood proof of issues present. I'm not being rude - if I've not been through this I'm not going to know. If you are in the dark about it follow the ADHD links already given and or/start your own thread/ go to your own GP. I can't really help you any more than that - I can't even cope with my own issues let alone a complete strangers - no offence.

I would suggest neurodivergence of some sort. Perhaps ADHD. I'm autistic and related to a lot of your OP. Managing life and a house is pretty much impossible for me. I might also have ADHD.

OK thanks.

Thanks for your reply @IdisagreeMrHochhauser it's frustrating isn't it?

I spent most of my life beating myself up for not coping as well as other people and thousands of pounds on therapy but still had exactly the same problems. I thought I might have bipolar disorder and got as far as trying to persuade a psychiatrist that I did. Every time I tried any medication I had a weird and unexpected reaction so they decided I shouldn't take it.

Autism is the only thing that explains it all really. But autism plus ADHD would probably be a better fit.

@paisley256 please do start your own thread and then you can get advice and discuss it all like I'm doing. I don't mean to sound short or horrible. If others start replying to you and your symptoms on this thread it will all get confusing very quickly and advice or replies meant for me might be read by you and vice versa so best to keep the threads seperate. But if you do feel able to, start your own thread and others will help you unpick things and share their own experiences. Please do! Best of luck X

@IdisagreeMrHochhauser I definitely identified with the symptoms on the list shared upthread. It made me so emotional I cried.

GPs know sod all about adhd in adults particularly women. It's disgraceful. You don't need childhood "evidence" from anyone but yourself. I'm sorry you don't have the funds to Go private. Suggest back to gp and demand - yes you can - a psychiatrist referral. It'll be a wait. Good luck.

If you've experienced significant childhood trauma then what you're experiencing may be more of an EUPD type presentation-do look in to whether you can access DBT as it can be a game changer

I strongly disagree that it's EUPD I do not resonate with that criteria at all but thanks for your comment @MobLife

I relate to an awful lot of what you have written, I was diagnosed as a thirty-odd year old with Asperger's, Bipolar Disorder and also Borderline Personality Disorder. I had to go private to get those diagnoses, but thereafter I have been managed by NHS gp, and psychiatric team.

I hope you get the answers and treatment you need. Xxxxx

@AnonyMouseStrikesAgain Thank you for your advice I'm sorry I interrupted your thread. 💐

@paisley256 can't apologize enough for my first replies - reading them back I sound brutal. Please start your own thread - I'm sure you will find it helpful and be glad that you did. I'm glad I started mine 💐

No not at all, I just read your post and thought that's me! I was clumsy and lazy in my post. Wish you all the best x

Thank you @MammaWeasel . I can't afford to go private due to rising living costs and the on/off nature of my profession and my unstable employment. I think it's something I need to start saving for though as these issues are not going away.

Also @MammaWeasel have you found that treatment has helped you?

Ok thanks for all the replies so far. I'm in a bit of a muddle about what to do next. But I'm thinking:-

Get GP appointment
Take a list of issues/ symptoms
Ask for further assessment re: ADHD and or/Autism/ open to other possible diagnoses
Ask for therapy and/or meds that I haven't already been prescribed that might be helpful.

Yes? No? What am I missing?
(Apart from the ability to manage adult life, obviously).