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Parent suicide

73 replies

Lonleygal · 01/04/2022 16:45

What’s worse. Having a mum who’s always depressed, ruined her own life and now ruining her kids lives . Or that mum committing suicide so her kids might have a better chance at life . Kids ages 10,13,21,22. No dads involved in there lives . Sometimes I believe someone can mess up there life so bad there’s no turning back .

OP posts:
NewBootsAndRanty · 01/04/2022 16:47

I don't believe anyone has ever benefitted from the suicide of a parent.

zippityzip · 01/04/2022 16:48

My dad killed himself when I was 10. It ruined my life. It's not something I've ever gotten over, skewed all my adult relationships and as a result I made terrible decisions. Abandonment issues, attention seeking, always known as the girl "who's dad killed him self".

His death absolutely did me no favours. He would have been better being here and being shit than doing what he did.

There's always a way back. Something to think about.

HellToTheNope · 01/04/2022 16:50

Suicide will only cause destruction that can never be repaired. That mother has the ability to make positive changes, but only if she's alive.

Clymene · 01/04/2022 16:53

Killing yourself will ruin your children's lives. I don't know anyone who has been through this and not been deeply scarred by the experience. Please get help. Call the Samaritans

Schmz · 01/04/2022 16:53

Hey, however bad things are I bet they will NOT want to lose you -
Reach out urgently to people
You are struggling and you deserve help and support

MakeThingsRight · 01/04/2022 16:53

Lost father to suicide. It is never for the best. Are you okay? X

HollowTalk · 01/04/2022 16:54

It sounds like you're in a really bad place. Can you talk to us about what's going on?

💐

AndSoFinally · 01/04/2022 16:56

It's never for the best. They will wonder for the rest of their lives whether it was in some way their fault.

Escarpahell · 01/04/2022 16:56

Or that mum committing suicide so her kids might have a better chance at life

In what universe is the shock, stigma, devastation and life long questioning of "why" is a parent choosing suicide over self care the better option??

coffeeisthebest · 01/04/2022 16:57

Whatever is going on for you, whatever it is, depressed Mum full of destruction beats a dead Mum. No question OP. If you make a decision to end it all these is no coming back, no chance of ever repairing broken relationships, never healing from the past. As hard as it is, choose life. You kids need you. You are their one and only mum..

Cuddlemuffin · 01/04/2022 16:57

Please go and see you GP or A&E as a matter of priority to get help. Or call Samaritans. There is always opportunity for change, we ALL need help sometimes. Please ask for help xxx

Schmz · 01/04/2022 16:59

@AndSoFinally

It's never for the best. They will wonder for the rest of their lives whether it was in some way their fault.
Very true - those I Know who have experienced this are haunted by is it my fault, what should I have done 😢
NeverChange · 01/04/2022 17:23

Anyone I know who has been bereaved by suicide has never really recovered from it.

Most of torture themselves wouldn't why they didn't see it coming, what the person thought it was the only option, what signs they missed, what they could have done differently etc.

I'm sorry you are feeling depressed and that it is making you consider suicide. I do know a lot of people who have been suicidal and/or depressed. Some have recovered extremely well, others have their depression under control aided by either counselling, medication or lifestyle changes or a combination.

There is help out there and you won't always feel this way. Please talk to someone, anyone but preferably a GP or counsellor.

My cousin died from suicide and we would have done anything possible to prevent if it we could have done. We know there were a lot of difficulties & challenges in his life at the time, marraige breakdown, job loss, alcohol abuse but with support he would have been able to overcome them. You need support. You need someone to hear you and help you. Don't try deal with it alone. Depression can be an all consuming bitch but it won't always be like that.

What support to do you? How can people here help? Do you need family support? Financial guidance etc. If you want to share some of the things that are tough at the moment, people can help give you contact numbers etc. that they have found helpful.

Talk to someone now please.

WonderfulYou · 01/04/2022 17:23

Committing suicide is one of the worst things anyone can do.

I know they can’t help it but it’s incredibly selfish and they’re not thinking about the benefit of the children at all.

Lonleygal · 01/04/2022 17:31

I’m just scared that because I ruined my
own life it shouldn’t give me the right to ruin there’s. Idk it’s like when your so depressed sometimes you truly feel people would be better off without you it dosnt feel like your being selfish, although I guess it is. It must be awful having a depressed mum all the time . The crisis team can out to see me a month ago and I really hoped they would take me to hospital for a while but they didn’t .

OP posts:
Arcadia · 01/04/2022 17:39

@zippityzip

My dad killed himself when I was 10. It ruined my life. It's not something I've ever gotten over, skewed all my adult relationships and as a result I made terrible decisions. Abandonment issues, attention seeking, always known as the girl "who's dad killed him self".

His death absolutely did me no favours. He would have been better being here and being shit than doing what he did.

There's always a way back. Something to think about.

Same here, at 13. At 47 I still experience the impact on my life. It's never the right decision.
MillieMumsnet · 01/04/2022 17:40

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way Flowers
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

WonderfulYou · 01/04/2022 17:47

It must be awful having a depressed mum all the time

It’s better to have a depressed mum than no mum.

If you’re really struggling and you think they’re suffering why not think about putting them into temporary foster care - at least then they won’t blame themselves for your death for the rest of their lives which will completely ruin their lives.

QOD · 01/04/2022 18:13

There’s no bigger rejection than your parent choosing death over life with you
Absolutely none
Regardless Of how YOU feel, that’s how they’ll feel

coffeeisthebest · 01/04/2022 18:16

You haven't ruined anything though. You are living through one of the hardest things, your mind is telling you all manner of horrible things and believe me OP, it is the toughest thing you can do to just keep going on. I have thought the same thoughts and truly believed that my kids deserved better. I was wrong, so very wrong, but at the time I thought that literally anyone else would be a better parent than me. The most difficult part of depression for me was this sort of black and white thinking, which is what you are doing. But life isn't as straightforward as your mind currently believes and there will be huge consequences if you end your life. Please hold on and contact the crisis team and tell them you need to be seen urgently. Tell them you need inpatient care because you want to end your life. Tell them you intend to act and how. Let them know exactly how you feel and then see how they respond. Or go to A and E. Please seek help.

Branleuse · 01/04/2022 18:17

Suicide just hands your pain over to them. Its just complete carnage on the children left behind.
I understand the pits of despair one can get to. Its so painful, but ghastly to inflict that on your children.

tackling · 01/04/2022 18:19

I have never heard of anyone who's been unaffected by suicide OP, especially not by a parent. It's not realistic.

Please don't do this to them.

Lonleygal · 01/04/2022 18:34

Thank you for all your messages . I would never want to hurt my kids no matter how bad I feel inside . I don’t have any friends so have no support really . I will keep taking my tablets and hope they just numb the pain enough so I can carry on . it’s just hard to think straight at the moment . I really hope the mental health team will see me soon . Thankyou and sorry if this topic was sensitive for some ☹️

OP posts:
Lonleygal · 01/04/2022 18:35

@Branleuse

Suicide just hands your pain over to them. Its just complete carnage on the children left behind. I understand the pits of despair one can get to. Its so painful, but ghastly to inflict that on your children.
Your right. It would be so selfish of me
OP posts:
Lonleygal · 01/04/2022 18:37

I’m so sorry to hear that. Hearing from people who’s parent took there life has really hit me . No child should ever have to go through that ☹️

OP posts: