Suicidal & pregnant

[playsuit56]

If I turn up at A&E tomorrow and say I'm suicidal can they deliver my baby because I don't want to harm him will they take my son away?

@playsuit56

Thank you so much for all of the responses. I've just got here and been told it's a 6 hour wait to be seen. I feel like I'm going out of my mind with no one to speak too. Even though she was asleep, I feel so bad for leaving my baby in the middle of the night. It's all a mess and I just feel exhausted

Keep talking to us. Mumsnet will keep you company.

I’m glad you are at the hospital @playsuit56, you’ve done the right thing.
I can imagine that you are really scared right now so keep talking here if it helps while you wait.

Your daughter is being looked after, you don’t need to feel guilty.

Thank you all so much I can't put into words how nice it is to have people checking in.

I've been here around a hour and it's less busy than I would have thought. People are getting seen somewhat quickly but there's still loads of people in front of me. I've been thinking what to say once I speak to the triage nurse but I just don't know. I don't want to downplay it but I also don't want them to think I'm not fit to be a mum. I'm just not sure

What is everybody else doing? Think I need distractions from my thoughts

Just be honest. Thoughts, feelings, any plans etc. Tell them what you have said here as a starting point.
They won’t think that you are unfit to be a mum, they’ll know that you need support.

I’m up drinking a sleep tea as I’ve been struggling with insomnia and have been reading a book but switched to mumsnet because it got a bit dull! Also waiting for my husband to get home.

Hi @playsuit56 you're doing so well and being so proactive. It's hard enough to do that when you're feeling so low usually, let alone when you're pregnant.

You're being a brilliant mum by taking action and seeking some help so massive well done.

I saw you want some distraction - do you have headphones with you at all if people suggest stuff to watch / listen to on your phone?

Are you okay hun? With kids it's hard. I had bad post natal depression after my first and took pills for depression. They did help a lot. It's not easy having children. I pray it gets easy for you. Hugs xx

I'm so sorry you feel like this way and that it feels like nobody cares. This will pass. Get help lovely. Things will get better. Sending warmth and strength. Let us know how you are doing today..

Hi OP. I'm so sorry that you have been feeling this way. I am a medical professional and part way through my training I had my son and unfortunately developed severe post-natal depression. I tried for a few weeks to cope, but eventually phoned my GP as I was suicidal and also considering harming my baby. I actually told them about my plan to jump out of my third storey flat with him. I was immediately fast tracked through psychiatry referrals, given antidepressants and other support etc. Never once, even when I voiced those terrible thoughts did anyone mention a plan to take away my baby. Yes, they were careful to support me and ensure his safety, but health/social care would never ever jump straight to taking a child away from a mother in crisis as long as she was willing to accept help.

Please go and get help, everything gets easier when you have professionals to support you.

I don't want to downplay it but I also don't want them to think I'm not fit to be a mum.

Write down exactly how you're feeling in your phone notes so that you can show them / read it out loud / use it for prompts when you speak to them face to face tonight OP.

Otherwise there's a danger of going into panic mode and downplaying exactly as you mentioned, due to not wanting them to think badly of you.

But they won't - you need to be brutally honest about how low you're feeling and what thoughts you've been having so that they can offer you the appropriate help x

Whilst you’re waiting, if you can it’s a good idea to make a list of what you’d like to say to the doctor , even if in bullet point form or rambling. That way when you go in, if you’re not sure what to say or how to say it, you’ve already got something to read out or even hand over for them to read if you don’t know how to put it into words. Be as honest as you can, they need to know the detail so they know how best to help you

And as a distraction - I just settled down to watch a six part crime series and accidentally started with the last episode. Obviously spoilt the ending and didn’t realise until the episode finished! Furious

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I don't want to downplay it but I also don't want them to think I'm not fit to be a mum.

Write down exactly how you're feeling in your phone notes so that you can show them / read it out loud / use it for prompts when you speak to them face to face tonight OP.

Otherwise there's a danger of going into panic mode and downplaying exactly as you mentioned, due to not wanting them to think badly of you.

But they won't - you need to be brutally honest about how low you're feeling and what thoughts you've been having so that they can offer you the appropriate help x

Great minds

Well done, OP, for taking that most difficult first step and reaching out for help. You should be proud of yourself.

I'd also like to add my voice to the chorus telling you that these feelings will pass, even though it feels as though they never will. I was hospitalized with severe postnatal anxiety - I was thinking of driving my car off a cliff on my son's baptism day - and I am so glad I held on. Please try your best to hang in there.

Fair play to you for going to the hospital. I admire your strenght for seeking help.

Tell them what you've told us, including the fears. Tell them what supports you think might help etc.

Suicide is permanent solution to a temporary problem. You need help with the temporary problem. This can and will improve. Be kind to yourself.

Taken 2hrs wait but I was finally seen by the triage nurse. He was really nice and understanding. I also wrote down some things like some posters said so thank you for that. He called the mental health team straight away and now I'm waiting to be seen by the mental health team. Again, I'm scared but I feel a sense of relief that I'll be able to sit down and speak to someone

@TheVeryHungryTortoise

Hi OP. I'm so sorry that you have been feeling this way. I am a medical professional and part way through my training I had my son and unfortunately developed severe post-natal depression. I tried for a few weeks to cope, but eventually phoned my GP as I was suicidal and also considering harming my baby. I actually told them about my plan to jump out of my third storey flat with him. I was immediately fast tracked through psychiatry referrals, given antidepressants and other support etc. Never once, even when I voiced those terrible thoughts did anyone mention a plan to take away my baby. Yes, they were careful to support me and ensure his safety, but health/social care would never ever jump straight to taking a child away from a mother in crisis as long as she was willing to accept help.

Please go and get help, everything gets easier when you have professionals to support you.

@TheVeryHungryTortoise thanks so much for your comment and I'm sorry to hear about your experience. I also have thoughts of throwing myself off of the balcony (I'm first floor) or throwing myself out of the window. At first I would dismiss these thoughts but recently they've got so much more vivid and they've started to feel more real. I'm happy you got the support you need and there was no threats about taking your son or anything

@playsuit56 that’s great. Well done. The first step is the hardest and you’ve done it.

I’m off to bed now, early start tomorrow but I hope you don’t have to wait long.

You are very brave - I’m glad you are safe x take care

Thank you so much ladies, I really do appreciate it X

I've spoken to another nurse who has spoken to me in depth about all my thoughts and feelings. I'm now waiting to see a physiatrist and apparently the wait won't be long because I'm pregnant. I'm happy I made it here and didn't wait until tomorrow because I don't think I could have waited that long. The intrusive thoughts could have taken over by then so thank you for everyone telling me to come in. I'm not sure if people are still awake so I hope everyone has a good night

Any decent snacks in the vending machine, @playsuit56?

I was in A&E a few months ago and, due to Covid, all the vending machines were shut down. So annoying. I was referred by my GP who I’d gone to for blood tests so had been fasting overnight, then sat in A&E for 17 hours with no access to food.

Eventually my husband snuck in at 3am with a sandwich for me They weren’t allowing visitors so he had to pretend he was going to A&E as a patient himself so he could get past security.

I’m delighted you didn’t have to wait as long.

@VodselForDinner I never even thought to look for a vending machine! I'm so hungry as well, I could do with a nice pack of crisps too. Aw bless your husband for sneaking in to give you a sandwich, that is the best thing😂

They seem to be taking me seriously so far so I hope it goes well and they're able to offer some support. God knows I need it

@playsuit56

Taken 2hrs wait but I was finally seen by the triage nurse. He was really nice and understanding. I also wrote down some things like some posters said so thank you for that. He called the mental health team straight away and now I'm waiting to be seen by the mental health team. Again, I'm scared but I feel a sense of relief that I'll be able to sit down and speak to someone

Bloody well done OP, you're an absolute champ.

Definitely keep writing stuff in your phone notes as and when it pops into your head. It's good to externalise these things in general so they aren't only swimming around in there, and it's a bonus that it makes it easier to explain how you're feeling when in front of a doctor or nurse.

I remember going into my GP appointment and just handing over my phone with a more open explaining my feelings and just sobbing while she read it. She was amazing and a plan of action was immediately put in place to keep me safe.

You've done so well. Keep being open with them and please do keep posting on here if you feel it's helpful as so many of us have had those dark thoughts too and come out of the other side.

I was having an awful panic attack once and posted on here at silly o clock asking for distraction and support - some posters in Oz held my hand until it was morning here so that I could call my GP. I've never forgotten the kindness.

We all need support at times. Delighted you feel that they’re taking care of you, and your baby.

Get yourself a pack of crisps. And if you’re looking to pass some time, Blind Gossip is an addictive site for pointless celeb gossip.

Hang in there, OP. I’m so glad you’re at the hospital and have been seen already. Just remember to answer their questions with the “worst” answers, ie don’t downplay as PP have also said.

I hope you’re feeling better very soon.

Thanks again for all the support guys.

I've been seen by the psychiatrist and we had a long talk. He was really understanding and no judgemental at all. To sum it up, he's going to refer me to the perinatal team so I can have my own psychiatrist that specialises in mental health in pregnant mums. He's also said they'll still be with me after pregnancy as it seems I have all the ingredients to have PND again (I had PND with my first). He was saying it's good to have someone consistent that you can have appointments with that will check up on you and be there for support.

I'm really happy with the outcome and I'm feeling so much more positive. One of the main reasons why I've been feeling like this is because of the worry over the future. I'm so scared to have PND again and I'm constantly exhausted. I've just started hating my life but I really am happy that I'll be receiving some support. He took everything I said so seriously, didn't dismiss me at all so thank you so much to everyone telling me to go to the hospital now. I really don't know how I would have felt in the morning. I'm now in the cab on the way back home and I'll be with DD in the morning.

Thank you everyone❤️ wish me luck for my journey with the perinatal team🤞