Talk about it.... but don't overshare

[Fritilleries]

What the actual eff am I meant to do with my feelings when people are clearly disinterested? My OH knows I struggle with depression/anxiety which has been exacerbated by my child. I am finding it tough these days so yes, I'll post on family WhatsApp that I'm fed up of potty training or whatever yet I get nothing back. No empathy. No solidarity. Nothing. I have no friends. I literally don't understand how I'm meant to function when people don't want to hear about how shitty I feel? The whole talk about mental health is a pile of shite isn't it, cos actually people don't wanna know, do they?

Counselor’s don’t change the subject because they don’t know what to do. Counselor’s don’t drop you as friend because you’re getting them down. If the counseling relationship goes sour then you just stop seeing them and start seeing someone else instead with minimal impact on your life.
Venting your feelings with a professional counselor allows you to limit the impact your mental health difficulties have on your interpersonal relationships. It’s a bit like a person with physical disabilities having professional carers come in and help them shower and get dressed rather than asking family to do it. Lots of people prefer that.
Even if you would prefer to discuss these things with friends and family, if they don’t want to engage, or they don’t want engage long enough or frequently enough to help you, that’s not something you can change. It’s a relationship and they get a say too.
I think it’s time to look into counseling OP. You’re not getting what you need from talking to friends and family and you’re starting to worry that these conversations are harming your relationships.

Counsellors don’t change the subject because they don’t know what to do

Nor are they available on a Saturday evening to chat and commiserate about potty training!

Counselor’s don’t drop you as friend because you’re getting them down.

Because you are paying them.

If the counseling relationship goes sour then you just stop seeing them and start seeing someone else instead with minimal impact on your life

Except depleted finances.

For the sort of thing the OP is talking about, I don’t see that counselling is at all suitable or helpful. After all, the counsellor is only available (probably) once a week, at set times. It’s impossible to store up all the annoyances from
One week and share them.

the whole talk about mental health is a pile of shite

I was super surprised to hear a 'top psychiatrist' say same ~5 years ago... what he meant is that most ppl with MH problems find a way of stabilising in a better place and to move at all away from that place to 'talk about it' didn't help them at all. He was super aware of very limited NHS capacity to help individuals, and the limits of therapy to fix their problems. I think he was saying the more time you spend in a stable good-enough space the easier it is to keep improving, too.

Not sure what to say to OP. I have a friend who is a wreck and has been for yrs. I decided yrs ago that I would limit how much I'm available because her difficulties exhaust me, too. I can only offer a little bit of support before I'm destabilised, so that is my own MH weakness. could be how many people are. Besides, friends can't fix you.

Everyone's experience is different
And time changes so many things

I have had depression and anxiety for more than 30 years and went to permanent medication about 16 years ago, having previously gone on and off it.

So I started in the days it was something to be ashamed of. I don't say much about it even now. There's a reason some people get therapy. You can't expect people to be able to cope with listening to troubles, it's draining.

I don't do WhatsApp or that kind of group messaging because a lot of people want attention in one go, so to speak. I always though social media tropes about sharing are just empty words so it doesn't worry me that people don't mean them. In fact, it annoys me that what was private health info is so overshared.

but I have been on message boards on and off where you can talk to people. It's good because you aren't interrupting anyone.

It's not really fair to expect ordinary people to respond to every moan. If they have WA etc on their phone, they're probably hearing it from lots of people. Better to post online or use a counsellor instead.

I find cracking on with stuff better than dwelling but long term medication means I'm probably at a different stage.

You mention weather
We have a support thread for SAD here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/feeling_depressed/4349708-SAD-feeling-low-in-winter-support-thread

I typed a load of stuff and just lost it. I hear what you're all saying. I struggle socially. I'm very introverted but regardless, have been there for people through dying spouses, parents, difficult pregnancies, depression etc etc and shity relationships. I try really hard to "read the room" and ask after people, remembering details and thej following up. I have one confidant who is a good pal but is much older than me. I have no older childhood type friendships. I had a mental breakdown post pattum and the only people who know are my husband and GP. No one close to me noticed or asked me why I was crying all the time. Why I looked so wretched. I see photos of myself and I look dead in the eyes. I guess I feel like it's all surface talk? Friends don't seem to want to talk about things deeply. I had a friend at uni and we'd spend hours putting the world to rights. I can't remember the last time I did that. Or belly laughed. I can't even cry as my SSRIs have blunted my sadness. Which is bananas!

I'm rambling. Thanks everyone. I appreciate the time taken and will reread everything.

AIDanvers, I'm very sorry for your loss.