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Original poster

Termination of pregnancy due to medical reasons

431 replies

Newdreams · 30/12/2021 21:40

Hi I am sorry if this is in the wrong place I don't mean to offend anyone. I am 19 weeks pregnant and have been told my baby has bilateral renal agenesis, this is a fatal condition which means the baby will not survive outside the womb and currently has no amniotic fluid. I have been give the option of termination or waiting for nature to take its course (I have another thread about the build to the diagnosis) but I really wanted to know if anyone been in similar position and what did they chose to do and how did they manage to deal with the emotional side of things. My heart saying to wait bur my head is saying to opt for the termination but I feel exhausted I can't think straight and just wanted to know some other people's experiences.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 11:49

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Good for you. Get some wind on your face and wrap up warm.
I'm actually feeling so hot and clammy but I'm fine sorry
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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/02/2022 12:01

Hot and clammy? You've not got a temperature again, have you?

Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 13:38

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Hot and clammy? You've not got a temperature again, have you?
I'm fine
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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/02/2022 14:11

Hmmm, it's not long since you were on antibiotics, so can you keep a wee eye on your temperature? I'm maybe a bit neurotic, but that last trip to hospital was tough on you. It's more likely that DS has shared his bug. Kids are kind that way.

Did you get out with DH?

Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 14:12

His idea of a drive was a preplanned doctors appointment

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Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 14:16

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Hmmm, it's not long since you were on antibiotics, so can you keep a wee eye on your temperature? I'm maybe a bit neurotic, but that last trip to hospital was tough on you. It's more likely that DS has shared his bug. Kids are kind that way.

Did you get out with DH?

Doctor has given some antibiotics will arrange some stuff but can't remember what but I don't think dh thinks I'm able to look after ds they arranging for nurses to take over his care.

So I'm really not needed anymore. I have nothing no daughter no son no husband but at least I'm fine I get to be fine. Wish everyone would go home and leave me alone. But I'm fine

OP posts:
Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 14:17

I'm sorry I sound horrible

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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/02/2022 14:23

Ok. That sounds like quite a shock for you.

Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 14:26

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Ok. That sounds like quite a shock for you.
Sorry
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M0RVEN · 08/02/2022 14:36

You don’t sound horrible. You sound very tired, sad, scared and powerless.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/02/2022 14:41

There's a lot of "I'm fine" there, @Newdreams. Are you quite sure you ARE fine?

You don't sound horrible at all, you sound very tired. I'm sorry you are back on antibiotics, that is a blow.

I can see why you'd feel like you are not needed - but, that's not how I'm reading it at all. I thought we'd established that your DH is a smasher? Is it not more likely that he needs you so much that he's trying to help so you can rest and get well? He's maybe been a bit clumsy in the way he did it, but it does give you a chance to rest and recover from that lingering infection.

I'm just nipping to school now, my kid forgot his rugby boots (predictable), but I'll check the thread when I get back. Hope you are ok.

silverstrawberry · 08/02/2022 14:43

So sorry you must be such a strong person to share this with everyone be strong x

TwoAndCooPlease · 08/02/2022 14:46

Oh love I'm sorry, I don't think you're fine. I believe you want to be fine and feel strong but you have gone through so so much you need to grieve. You have to recover from the trauma
I am very worried for op.
Your family do not want you to be alone. They want to be there for you when you break. Please

Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 14:47

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

There's a lot of "I'm fine" there, *@Newdreams*. Are you quite sure you ARE fine?

You don't sound horrible at all, you sound very tired. I'm sorry you are back on antibiotics, that is a blow.

I can see why you'd feel like you are not needed - but, that's not how I'm reading it at all. I thought we'd established that your DH is a smasher? Is it not more likely that he needs you so much that he's trying to help so you can rest and get well? He's maybe been a bit clumsy in the way he did it, but it does give you a chance to rest and recover from that lingering infection.

I'm just nipping to school now, my kid forgot his rugby boots (predictable), but I'll check the thread when I get back. Hope you are ok.

Dh doesn't need me honestly I promise you he could do without the drama I bring. I'm so tired I am fine I will be fine. Just say dh takes my son away from me how will I cope I have to be fine ds got his appointment on Thursday I have to be fine.
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Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 14:48

I'm strong not in the slightest but I am fine I will just sleep and things will be fine.

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Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 15:11

Poor dh has gone to sleep next to me. He looks exhausted I have done this to him the man who has loved me and held me up I have broken him. I don't know how to make it better. I just want it all to end. I want him to be happy again I want my routine with ds again. He looks so tired. I told him I want to leave him I know it's hurting him but I have to protect him from me. I should have listened to his mum all those times she told me after ds was born to let him go but I was selfish I stayed and it was all perfect until now I ruined him. I can't imagine my life without him but I have to be fine. I have to be fine. I have to I am sorry. I'm an utter embarrassment

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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/02/2022 15:37

Hard disagree, @Newdreams.

He has presumably come to be with you because he finds comfort from being with you. He's grieving too, and he's seeking you out, that's not what a man ruined by a woman would do.

Why don't you shut your eyes too? Just be together, match the way he's breathing as he sleeps, you might be able to doze off.

Some rest will help. You know that.

Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 15:42

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Hard disagree, *@Newdreams*.

He has presumably come to be with you because he finds comfort from being with you. He's grieving too, and he's seeking you out, that's not what a man ruined by a woman would do.

Why don't you shut your eyes too? Just be together, match the way he's breathing as he sleeps, you might be able to doze off.

Some rest will help. You know that.

I left him in bed drew the blinds let him sleep. Ds is having nap too. I'm in his room with him.
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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/02/2022 15:44

That was kind of you to let him sleep. I'm sure he needs it and will be grateful.

Is DS feeling a bit better?

Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 15:46

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

That was kind of you to let him sleep. I'm sure he needs it and will be grateful.

Is DS feeling a bit better?

I think he has enjoyed today with his aunt and nan they had to go for school run. His not as wheezy today. I can't lose him too
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Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 15:48

I never imagined life without my daughter and now I'm living it
I couldn't ever live without my ds.
But his appointments on Thursday and I have to be fine. I will be.

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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/02/2022 15:51

I bet that after a couple of days of antibiotics you will feel a lot brighter. Are you managing to eat? Trying to get a lie down, even if you can't sleep? Zoning out for an hour in front of crappy tv with a cuppa and a hob nob can be surprisingly reparative.

Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 15:55

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

I bet that after a couple of days of antibiotics you will feel a lot brighter. Are you managing to eat? Trying to get a lie down, even if you can't sleep? Zoning out for an hour in front of crappy tv with a cuppa and a hob nob can be surprisingly reparative.
I'm back on antidepressants
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Original poster
Newdreams · 08/02/2022 15:56

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

I bet that after a couple of days of antibiotics you will feel a lot brighter. Are you managing to eat? Trying to get a lie down, even if you can't sleep? Zoning out for an hour in front of crappy tv with a cuppa and a hob nob can be surprisingly reparative.
I'm not actually unwell just feel hot but I'm fine I Want to go for a walk but my head feels weird.
OP posts:
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 08/02/2022 16:03

That's great that you've got antidepressants too. Hope they kick in fast.

Don't go for a walk alone if your head feels weird and you are hot, Is there a friend who'd chum you?

Actually, if DH wakes up and finds you gone he'll maybe have a little panic and ruin the benefit of his nap. Be sure and let him know where you've gone!