Termination of pregnancy due to medical reasons

[Newdreams]

Hi I am sorry if this is in the wrong place I don't mean to offend anyone. I am 19 weeks pregnant and have been told my baby has bilateral renal agenesis, this is a fatal condition which means the baby will not survive outside the womb and currently has no amniotic fluid. I have been give the option of termination or waiting for nature to take its course (I have another thread about the build to the diagnosis) but I really wanted to know if anyone been in similar position and what did they chose to do and how did they manage to deal with the emotional side of things. My heart saying to wait bur my head is saying to opt for the termination but I feel exhausted I can't think straight and just wanted to know some other people's experiences.

can't imagine how tough that must be. Wishing you all the strength to face this!

I think I would talk to the doctor and ask them what the best option is. I'm considering you want to get pregnant again, right? If so, any procedure could potentially have risks 🤷🏻‍♀️ I would possibly try to reduce them as much as possible. But you need to consider your MH as well!! Don't forget about that. If it's too hard on you, we'll just pray for you that everything goes as smoothly as possible

Have taken a sleeping pill dh gave me one. He has gone to put ds to bed hope I can sleep tonight. I am so tired.

I have been in that place too. Please listen. I know it seems hard to believe, but you can get better. One day soon, in a few months maybe, you'll be standing in a park with sun on your face, listening yo the birds, smelling the flowers, and you will be glad to be alive.

This happened for me and it can happen to you too. Hold on to hope

What about going to the GP and telling her how things really are? They've heard everything and they will not judge you. Maybe they could suggest a private counsellor or therapist locally? Xxx

Well done for taking the sleeping pill @Newdreams you're doing so well

I'm devastated for you. Your family sound so lovely. It is ok to be a bit out of control right now, you have a wonderful dh who will keep it together for you
I really don't have any advice but you have all of the virtual support in the world from me

I woke up my head is hurting so much eyes are so heavy

I want to check on ds and dh but scared to get out of bed. I woke up

You still up @Newdreams?

Hope you are warm and cosy in bed and back asleep. I'll be up for a little while - menopausal insomnia calls for a warm drink.

I'm going to go back to bed now. Hope you got back to sleep ok, and that tomorrow has something lovely for you to savour.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

I'm going to go back to bed now. Hope you got back to sleep ok, and that tomorrow has something lovely for you to savour.

I'm fine and I am sorry. Ds has been upset so in bed with me now.

That's nice @Newdreams - just cuddle in oto your little one. He'll be very pleased to have mummy strokes in bed and it may help you sleep xxx

@TwoAndCooPlease

That's nice *@Newdreams* - just cuddle in oto your little one. He'll be very pleased to have mummy strokes in bed and it may help you sleep xxx

My head hurts so much it all hurts. I look at ds it hurts I let him down I promised I wouldn't but I have. I'm so empty and horrible that why I lost my daughter. I am so sorry

@Newdreams there is nothing you did that caused you to lose your daughter, absolutely nothing, I promise. You are not letting anyone down, you are doing your best to get through the most awful situation anyone can think of - I do think the best thing you can do is open up to DH, let him help you, be a team and get through this together. He knows you’re not choosing to hurt him, he loves you.

[quote Sunbird24]@Newdreams there is nothing you did that caused you to lose your daughter, absolutely nothing, I promise. You are not letting anyone down, you are doing your best to get through the most awful situation anyone can think of - I do think the best thing you can do is open up to DH, let him help you, be a team and get through this together. He knows you’re not choosing to hurt him, he loves you.[/quote]

I can't hurt him anymore I can't talk to him about this I just can't he doesn't deserve all this heartache I am causing him. He and ds deserve to be happy with worrying about me.

Been thinking this morning maybe I should end things with dh not because I don't love him I do love him but I can't do this to him anymore he can be so much happier if I let him go we can still look after ds but dh deserves happiness and mil would be so happy too she asked me to give him up after ds was born I was wrong not to have listened than.

My head hurts but ds is awake and seems happier today. We can just stay in bed today because my head I am so sorry

Can't believe dh has told everyone my mum and sister are downstairs I can't deal with them I can't face them.
I am fine really am fine just have a head ache from the sleeping pill but I am fine

@Newdreams Op you are not fine! You have been through TRAUMA, a horrible horrible trauma that no mother should ever have to experience!

Tell your husband to ring your GP immediately you need help NOW not in 2 weeks! you can't do this yourself get help before you do something silly you can't take back.

Your son NEEDS his mummy!

I know you really want that to be true lovely, but deep down you know right now it isn’t. But it can be. Please don’t try and get through this on your own, it’s too much for one person.

He asked this morning if I would go to gp with him but I said no I am fine. He didn't say anything.

I will be fine I slept last night for the first time I am sorry need to be fine I have to be fine for My ds

Sorry I seem so difficult I am sorry

@Newdreams, you sound very upset.

I think you might feel less upset if you were able to share with someone IRL that you sometimes feel like you are letting people down.

It is confusing to read that because it seems to me that you are a very loving mother with an enviable marriage - and that what has happened is not that you are not trying hard enough, but rather that your whole world has been very sadly turned upside down.

How is DS doing today? Would you be able to talk to DH about how your son was in the night and when his nebuliser is due? Try a neutral conversation about practical things rather than a big heart to heart?

I have done ds meds physio and nebuliser. His temp has come down he is having cuddles with my sister on the sofa he really loves her and her 3 boys.

Dh wants to take me for drive for fresh air.

The midwife from hospital called to see how I was.

How Awful, I hope you get comfort that you did what was best for all of you.
We tend to rose tint those that have departed, a bad flaw, you are a kind, loving mother for grieving, why we ache and hurt.
I hope you can begin to feel a bit brighter each day xx

@Newdreams oh, that's lovely to hear. I'm so pleased he's perking up a bit and getting some time with his auntie.

Taking the chance for a drive and a change of scene sounds good, your DH sounds like he's really thinking about you. It's a lovely day here, cold but bright blue skies.

Hope the midwife was helpful too, I'm glad she rang.

[quote vivariumvivariumsvivaria]@Newdreams oh, that's lovely to hear. I'm so pleased he's perking up a bit and getting some time with his auntie.

Taking the chance for a drive and a change of scene sounds good, your DH sounds like he's really thinking about you. It's a lovely day here, cold but bright blue skies.

Hope the midwife was helpful too, I'm glad she rang.[/quote]
I will go for the drive I feel suffocated but I am fine.

Good for you. Get some wind on your face and wrap up warm.