Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

DS head teacher making my anxiety sky rocket

317 replies

MrsArchchancellorRidcully · 09/12/2021 11:50

I'll try to keep this brief. I am a member of a private closed group on fb. I use it to let of steam and rant about stuff that I'd never put on main fb. My account is private but I occasionally post on public groups but keep things very blasé.

I ranted on the private group about my DS being upset that his after school club was being cancelled till new year (an outdoor club at that).

I speculated on a friends post that schools may close early for Xmas again. But in a very innocuous way.

DS head (primary) has emailed me asking to call him about a social media post that's been brought to my attention. I've emailed back saying I'm really busy in work (I am) and can he email me his query.

' No' he emailed. 'Ring me In January!!!!'

I'm now so anxious about what he wants. I'm even nervous to post here in case his spies are out. I can't see what it could be as my rants are all on locked groups.

DH says ignore or just tell him my posts are personal to me and nothing to do with him.

Can anyone give me some reassurance?

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 09/12/2021 16:11

I don’t think she is a governor!
BUT it is also not completely true that comments made on a public forum by a parent are not any of his business.
It’s very much depends what the comments are.
Anything libellous or defamatory are very much his business.

madisonbridges · 09/12/2021 16:14

To be fair, @AliceMcK, I'm only going off what other people have said and they might have got it wrong. That's why I couched it in conditionals. But I agree that if she is a governor, it does make a difference in the advice you'd give her.

thaegumathteth · 09/12/2021 16:17

OP is it a UFT group?

CaptSkippy · 09/12/2021 16:17

OP, if he wants to talk to you it's up to him to seek contact, not demanding that you contact him.

I'd email back and say that he can either email you, call you at a time convenient for you next week or not bother mentioning this ever again.

Don't chase up people to solve their problems for them, that's on them.

kittensinthekitchen · 09/12/2021 16:18

I don’t think she is a governor!

Why not @Smartiepants79 ?
That's what the poster has said themselves, several times over the past 5 years in previous posts.

Ijustreallywantacat · 09/12/2021 16:21

So you know what its about them. You've been shitty and called him names on a public forum (NOTHING on Facebook is actually properly private) and are being called out on it. As pp said, if he can wait til January to talk it can't be that serious.

stupiduser · 09/12/2021 16:29

This is very outing if I gave details but I had a post on Facebook once that was screenshot and sent to the school. Nothing really bad but I did get 'in trouble'. I have anxiety too and really struggled with going to talk to the head but I went and apologised (even though I was right and hadn't said the main thing, that was my bloody DP) and it was over with

Tee20x · 09/12/2021 16:37

I was just about to say is anyone in the group a parent at the school but you've sayid you don't think so. Very strange.

End of the day, he's not your headteacher, he can't do anything to you - just another adult with no authority over you whatsoever. If it was that serious he would be wanting to speak with you before January and would also be happy to put it in writing as requested if it meant that it would be dealt with sooner.

I know it's the suspense that's making you worry but honestly try not to - think of the worst case scenario. What can he actually do? Nothing.

Of course you can vent about things on social media if you want to - but I would just be careful in mentioning names etc (unclear from your post whether you named names)

ChicCroissant · 09/12/2021 16:42

Are you a Governor at the school, OP?

ClaudiaWankleman · 09/12/2021 16:42

Am I the only one who finds 'dementor head' quite amusing?

I think I'd just ignore the whole thing OP. You've not named the individual, or the school. There's no privacy issue there.

TheAverageUser · 09/12/2021 16:49

Just call to see what it is. Nothing you've described makes it seem like he's talking about you. Maybe it's some social media thing going around the students or parents in general.

LethargicActress · 09/12/2021 17:07

His email was rude, so whatever he’s got beef with, he’s not able to criticise from a good position.

There’s a week left at most schools, at the very least there’s tomorrow. If it were that important, he’d fit it in then.

luverlybubberly · 09/12/2021 17:12

Do you have a pic of your son in uniform on your profile and a location ? If so you made it easy for someone to find your head teacher - especially if you called him something like Mr T which narrows things down.

I guess this is a lesson to be more careful about what you share online. A national group is going to have all sorts from people who agree with your view point and thought they were doing you a favour to those who are spies from the opposite view point and hoped to get you in trouble.

If you enjoy the group, leave with your current profile and make a new fake profile for talking with these "friends" You need to lie about details or be very vague so this doesn't happen again.

Smartiepants79 · 09/12/2021 17:16

@kittensinthekitchen

I don’t think she is a governor!

Why not @Smartiepants79 ?
That's what the poster has said themselves, several times over the past 5 years in previous posts.

Did she state that in any of her posts on this thread?? Hmm (she didn’t, I just checked) YOU may know her from other threads but I don’t have a habit of trawling through previous threads. I go off what has been said here. If she is indeed a governor then slagging school off in a public forum is serious and I’m not surprised the head is pissed off. It’s a very foolish thing to do. We had something similar happen at my DD’S school. Parent governor venting a personal issue on the class WhatsApp group. It got very nasty. She’s not a governor anymore!
Embracelife · 09/12/2021 17:29

Anyone can easily track you down if you use social media, work out which school etc
You have no idea who is on a large group
Calling your head a dementor will get-out somehow
If you stand by your words and happy to tell him
crack on

IncompleteSenten · 09/12/2021 17:36

I'd email back saying that if the head has a concern it is more appropriate to maintain a paper trail and so you will not be calling him. He can email or write to you. If he feels the issue doesn't warrant that then you consider the matter closed.

In less wanky language of course.

CallmeHendricks · 09/12/2021 17:45

I'm rather surprised that someone who suffers with anxiety in the way the OP professes to, can't see that their offensive comments on social media might directly contribute to someone else's poor mental health.

Or does being a Head Teacher mean someone is fair game?

Lou98 · 09/12/2021 17:49

Your last post was a bit of a drip feed - to be honest, if you've got anxiety around confrontation then you probably shouldn't be insulting people on social media - you can't expect to never be pulled up on it

WorraLiberty · 09/12/2021 18:05

If you're a parent governor OP then you've been very manipulative here in not mentioning that fact.

You know full well you have to adhere to the E.policy and that does not include insulting the headteacher!

I wouldn't be surprised if you also get a phone call from the Chair.

TooBigForMyBoots · 09/12/2021 18:11

Avoidance will only lead to increased anxiety @MrsArchchancellorRidcully. Tell your husband what has happened and ask him to dial the Head and pass you the phone.

I know it's hard, but not doing it will be harder.

Tippexy · 09/12/2021 18:16

@ChicCroissant

Are you a Governor at the school, OP?
Advanced search is your friend Smile
Onehotmess · 09/12/2021 18:22

Please remember that no one can CAUSE you anxiety. It is your reaction to people/situations. (Not saying it’s your fault here- you just can’t blame others for this! There is no blame!)
Email him back and say ‘I’m happy to speak to you in January regarding this, however all my social media comments and posts are my own personal thoughts and not up for further discussion. I don’t believe I have broken any rules that I know of, so to me there is nothing further to discuss. I would rather not waste either of our time engaging in this, however if you feel it is necessary, please make an appointment and I will aim to be available’

nimbuscloud · 09/12/2021 18:27

I’d imagine a governor name-calling the principal is the issue. Did the principal cc the Chair?

CallmeHendricks · 09/12/2021 18:48

Perhaps the Head just wishes to discuss with you how his anxiety is sky-high, owing to having been ridiculed on social media.

IncompleteSenten · 09/12/2021 18:53

Oh. Are you really a parent governor?
Ouch. Yes. That's going to make a big difference.