Random strangers asking my baby's name / chatting to them way too close

[sinkorsplash]

It's become a regular occurance, but when I'm out with my DD (4 months) and she's out of her pram, random people come over, and want to chat / hold her hand / ask me her name, how old she is. Occasionally there's the OTT question of 'how was your birth / where was she born etc which I just ignore, but the other ones unnerve me and I don't know if I'm reasonable to want to keep her name / age private with strangers?

A couple of months ago a stranger STROKED HER CHEEK and I went ape at her - she was crying and the stranger was trying to 'help' as I paid for petrol, and that put me on edge.

But it's become relentless - twice this week, three times last week and the week before when out in cafe's, the park, swimming, etc.

What it is about babies that make people think it's ok to talk to you, share personal stories and personal information. I just want to swear at them or run away!

I've started giving her a fake name to randoms, and changing her age, but it's making me want to not go out at all or into cafe's or shops or anything.

Is it acceptable to say just Go away, or F off?
Or is it just politeness and I need to get over myself.

Any other tips welcome.

OP glad you’re taking the comments on board.

Just wanted to add something - your baby is yours but you don’t ‘own’ her. She is a human being who one day will live as an independent adult. One of your jobs as a parent is to help her socialise with other people. And that starts from the start really.

Everyone loves a baby. People are being friendly. Your baby will enjoy the interaction as they grow too. Please speak to your HV or GP. This really isn’t normal.

You’ve had a baby in a pandemic. Give yourself a break, but yes it’s people being nice not mean!

Anxiety can become much worse after birth, so I would definitely speak to your doctor about this.

I only had very mild anxiety that barley affected my life, but it really escalated after the birth of my first. I didn't seek medical attention because I didn't realise it was happening. It went away on it's own after about a year. I didn't get it again with subsequent babies.

Where I'm from people pop money into the pram if you are out with a youngish baby, never occurred to me not to make conversation with people, random or otherwise. DSs made a wee bit of cash for their bank.

It's good for her to interact with other people and you are teaching her how to do it by your actions. Don't teach her smiling people saying hello are bad. These are her first steps into the big world and she has you with her right by her side to build her up and keep her safe. Making eye contact, smiling, babbling and waving are all early things she can do when she goes out which build communication skills. Maybe look at it as something that she's learning and is getting something out of? Build her confidence

I hate people touching babies without asking! Nothing wrong with cooing over babies but OP I was also irrationally anxious. Maybe due to upbringing and silly ingrained superstitions from grandparents cultures around people having 'bad mind' towards innocent beings...maybe a bit of it due to working in Childrens Services and knowing first hand how cruel people can be, made me cynical and I trust very few people.

Your reaction is irrational, but also people who are being a bit nasty on this thread forget how anxious/chaotic a time it can be having a newborn/young baby! Also throw in to the mix the pandemic...

When my DS was a youngster (37 years ago) parents were a quite relaxed and if they went for a rare night out to a social club they'd take their DCs with them but obviously didn't stay till late. People lived to chat/fuss my DS which I didn't mind but I drew the line at pressing/giving coins into his hand ( for good luck) and would accept with thanks instead to go in his post office, some folks who were older also tried to dip his dummy in their drink to 'help him sleep' which I obviously never allowed. Thankfully that's all gone out of style now ( I think) but I'm now in 'that generation' that still likes to smile at babies/toddlers, maybe wave at DC and smile at new mum etc... I'd never touch the DC esp during covid but as a nanny who lives so far from my DGC it gives me joy to see LO and hopefully that joy, smile is reciprocated. I'd be mortified and upset to be told to F... o.. 😢🤬

People love babies. I used to get mildly irritated by the old ladies in M&S stopping me to ask these sorts of questions. Suddenly I had a stroppy, encrusted with whatever toddler, that just looked angry when shopping, and I missed the old days. Just enjoy that people want to make a fuss of your baby while it lasts. No-one gives a shit once they are past 18 months old.

I guess she's your first and you're anxious. People generally like babies, they are trying to be nice and I'm sure they don't realise they are upsetting you. It's hard if you are struggling a bit but it is understandable, the world hasn't been normal all through your pregnancy and the first months with her. I'm sure it will get easier.

I think most new parents enjoy the fuss and showing off their baby. People love babies because they are just so cute!

It can be hard being a new mum. I know I definitely had certain anxieties that tipped over into being unhealthy. My guess is that is what is happening here. I'd have a word with your HV or GP and see if you can get some support. Take care

If it's any help, the stage where everybody loves you and your baby is over very, very quickly. Once she's roughly toddler sized (about a year old) most people will start getting annoyed at the pram in their way and tutting/sighing at the noise that dd is making.....so you've that to look forward to

@MissAmbrosia

People love babies. I used to get mildly irritated by the old ladies in M&S stopping me to ask these sorts of questions. Suddenly I had a stroppy, encrusted with whatever toddler, that just looked angry when shopping, and I missed the old days. Just enjoy that people want to make a fuss of your baby while it lasts. No-one gives a shit once they are past 18 months old.

If you see me in M&S I'm the old lady who loves a mucky, stroppy toddler. I'll give you a big smile though and won't say anything unless a toddler says hello and then I always reply.

I don’t see a problem with telling people my not quite five month olds name or age as they don’t really have an personal details that can be robbed yet.

In a year’s time no one other than other mums/dads of similar aged children will care anymore.

The touching thing would annoy me though. This hasn’t happened to me tbf Im wondering what part of the country you are from where people are so over friendly or invasive of personal space depending on how you look at it.

There are some really nasty, condescending responses on here. The OP obviously has some issues related to anxiety. It's a terrible way to feel as a new mother.

Also, as someone who is admittedly a little on the irritable side, the constant attention from well-meaning strangers got very annoying when I was a sleep-deprived, befuddled new mother.

People love babies. I used to get mildly irritated by the old ladies in M&S stopping me to ask these sorts of questions

I felt like @MissAmbrosia - she’s spot on. One day, I realised that it was actually quite nice: most people meant well and chances are it took them back to the years when their kids were little. And it didn’t do me (or DD) any harm to stop and pass a few pleasantries. Now my kids are older, I feel the same when I see a baby. It’s nothing to be worried about.

OP, I had from post-natal anxiety after my first child was born. It didn't present in the way that you describe (my PFB was a little local celebrity, as he rightly deserved to be, given that he was and still is, but don't tell my others the most wonderful baby ever born), but in other ways which were unhealthy. It would definitely be worth seeing your GP.

Hi OP... Many people are aware how hard new mums find it so say hello, coo over your baby to give you some interaction/hopefully brighten your day......... Others just love new babies to bits 😍

I hope you get less anxious with time.

Just wait till she’s a noisy toddler and people are either avoiding her or complaining, the cute baby stage only lasts so long to others.

I think you probably need to see your GP about your anxiety before it takes over and makes you miserable.

I’m going against the majority here, even ore covid there is no way any stranger would be touching my baby. And if I felt uncomfortable for any reason about giving out her information I would see nothing wrong in tell a stranger a fake name whilst she was unaware of it, and teaching her about strangers and her name etc when she’s older.

Babies are such delightfully optimistic little people with bright shining eyes and gummy smiles. They bring such joy. Let your baby experience the kindness and love of strangers while s/he can. There is plenty of time for hostility later.

I don't even like babies that much and I'll still grin at them, say they're cute and ask the parents what the name is. I'm not about to steal someone's baby or anything!

@SmellyOldOwls

I have a 4 month old too and when asked I just say her name and that she's 4 months old. And they coo isn't she lovely, is she a good baby and I laugh oh yes but she has her moments and we all go on our way. Never occurred to me to tell anyone making conversation about my beautiful baby to fuck off

Yep - OP, humans naturally find babies appealing (babies have to be appealing to survive), humans also naturally want to interact, and share their experiences eg about parenthood. No one is always in the mood for this, and when you aren't, you can just answer quickly and move on.

Wanting to tell people to fuck off for asking your baby's name isn't normal.

What do you expect people to do when they know your child's first name and age? You're being irrational.

Get yourself some help.

God aren’t all of your awful. OP is asking for help, not all of your horrible sarcastic bullshit. What OP is experiencing is real and her reaction is a response to real feelings that she is having. OP, you may want to discuss this with your GP and see if you can get some help. You may have post-natal anxiety or you may just need to examine your feelings and think about strategies to react differently. Many new mothers experience these feelings, your reaction is not ‘bonkers’, it is real and you deserve to be treated with respect. This is what your brain is telling you to do to protect your baby and you will get past it, you won’t always feel this way. Best of luck and a hug for me.