Random strangers asking my baby's name / chatting to them way too close

[sinkorsplash]

It's become a regular occurance, but when I'm out with my DD (4 months) and she's out of her pram, random people come over, and want to chat / hold her hand / ask me her name, how old she is. Occasionally there's the OTT question of 'how was your birth / where was she born etc which I just ignore, but the other ones unnerve me and I don't know if I'm reasonable to want to keep her name / age private with strangers?

A couple of months ago a stranger STROKED HER CHEEK and I went ape at her - she was crying and the stranger was trying to 'help' as I paid for petrol, and that put me on edge.

But it's become relentless - twice this week, three times last week and the week before when out in cafe's, the park, swimming, etc.

What it is about babies that make people think it's ok to talk to you, share personal stories and personal information. I just want to swear at them or run away!

I've started giving her a fake name to randoms, and changing her age, but it's making me want to not go out at all or into cafe's or shops or anything.

Is it acceptable to say just Go away, or F off?
Or is it just politeness and I need to get over myself.

Any other tips welcome.

Really, if this is as you say…...hang in there, in another few months your wain will be too big to be ooohed and ahhhed over and some newer, smaller and cuter babies will be on the scene.
Yabu by the way.

@sinkorsplash

I do have anxiety so that's probably it.

thanks for the perspective check.

It's hard after your first (?) baby. I think i was quite anxious after ds1. I think I felt insecure as a mother actually. I felt very possessive of him, he was mine.

You are your baby's whole world btw, you'll be the person she looks for in a room even if someone else is holding her. You can share a little bit of her with others and it won't diminish what you have.

Most people love a baby especially old ladies. Which i always found lovely when I approached with mine as a baby. Asking a name and how old is a very common question.

I agree no one should be touching baby especially at this moment in time but discussing your little one is meant to be nice.

Work on you anxiety now before little one is older and people start having little
Conversations with her. Because that will happen.

YABU. I’d say most of us don’t want to live in a society where no one dares speak to each other unless we are family or friends. People are just being kind, babies/children are cute and they make people smile and have a bit of interaction.

If you’re struggling with anxiety then try to get some help as bringing your children up to not be part of society will affect them.

Talk to your health visitor, they are there to support you

@sinkorsplash

I do have anxiety so that's probably it.

thanks for the perspective check.

@sinkorsplash When the next person approaches you just take a deep breath, smile and nod. Any interaction won't take longer than a minute - and you can walk away whenever you like. Just be polite and don't shout! (Usual caveats apply).

It's always fine to ask or remind people not to touch.

And if you do think you are especially anxious do call your GP. I think my GP probably saved my life (PND).

@sinkorsplash

I do have anxiety so that's probably it.

thanks for the perspective check.

Wanting to shout at old ladies to ‘fuck off’ is quite a big reaction to them just thinking your baby is lovely. Please do seek help if your anxiety has escalated. Your other posts about your baby sound quite anxious, too.

You've had quite a harsh response here and I hope you're ok but I think your reaction to people showing an interest in your baby indicates you are struggling. Please speak to your health visitor or someone if you can.

People love a baby!! I always say hello to babies if I’m out and about. They bring out the best in folks, feelings of warmth and kindness and sociable inclination.

No harm is meant. You have a lot of underlying fear if your first response to these interactions is a verbally aggressive one.

I do this to dogs as well as babies.

I remember when my son was 9months old, so past the cute newborn phase and an elderly lady asked if she could hold him. Not to do me a favour but just because. I let her, they smiled, laughed, babbled. She then said she hadn’t held a baby in years and it brought her so much joy.

Your reactions aren’t normal. You need some help.

It wont last....soon she'll be a tantruming 2 year old and they wont be so keen

I'd never touch a strange baby but I love talking to them and smiling at them. I also love telling Mums that their baby is gorgeous and has a lovely smile/curls/cheeks/eyes. I thought this was normal.

you sound quite paranoid.

Aw this is so sad! I was just saying the other day one of the things I love about being a mum to young kids is that literally everyone talks to you, smiles, takes them on, asks questions. Way more so than when you are a lone adult. You get to meet and speak to people from all walks of life and hear about their families. I love it! I agree with everyone though OP (kindly) you sound like you maybe need to speak to someone about how you’re feeling, I wouldn’t think this is a normal reaction.

It's normal and it's lovely. I use to love it when people came to chat about DC when they were in the pram or trolley. Usually older ladies. Some older ladies used to get very excited when I asked them to keep an eye on baby whilst I popped to the loo (shock horror I left my baby with a stranger!).

And now the name calling begins towards a new mother who has stated she has anxiety.

Mumsnet at its finest

Having had a baby in the first lockdown I would have quite liked the odd person cooing over my baby rather than crossing the road to avoid us or (once) shouting at me to get off the pavement with the pram. Someone once told me I had the most beautiful baby she had ever seen some time in April 2019 and it made my day (though may not objectively have been true).

My gran loved babies and would chat to new mums who walked past her flat. She partly struck up these conversations because she was lonely and it would never have occurred to her that she might be annoying someone just by telling them that their baby was lovely. The thought of someone like that being told to fuck off is really upsetting. If you want a society where people would look out for your child if they’re lost or similar and tolerate them when they’re screaming in public I think it needs to go both ways to some extent.

And now the name calling begins towards a new mother who has stated she has anxiety.

Yes, really horrible. I’ve just reported a couple of the posts.

Don't be afraid to talk to your GP. Anxiety can be overwhelming

I noticed when out with my week-old niece and her parents that everyone loves a baby, including very elderly men and women. I think it's almost a tribal thing: people are glad to know that life is going on. They feel invested in a baby.

Sorry I do not agree with the pp saying its normal to touch someone else's baby er no I would not have liked this at all.
General chit chat though is just standard and people being nice op. Especially old ladies god they love baby. I don't understand why you gave a fake name and age? Genuine question

You have issues 🤷‍♀️
I can understand you not wanting people close due to covid but giving her a false name and age is utterly bonkers 😳