Random strangers asking my baby's name / chatting to them way too close

[sinkorsplash]

It's become a regular occurance, but when I'm out with my DD (4 months) and she's out of her pram, random people come over, and want to chat / hold her hand / ask me her name, how old she is. Occasionally there's the OTT question of 'how was your birth / where was she born etc which I just ignore, but the other ones unnerve me and I don't know if I'm reasonable to want to keep her name / age private with strangers?

A couple of months ago a stranger STROKED HER CHEEK and I went ape at her - she was crying and the stranger was trying to 'help' as I paid for petrol, and that put me on edge.

But it's become relentless - twice this week, three times last week and the week before when out in cafe's, the park, swimming, etc.

What it is about babies that make people think it's ok to talk to you, share personal stories and personal information. I just want to swear at them or run away!

I've started giving her a fake name to randoms, and changing her age, but it's making me want to not go out at all or into cafe's or shops or anything.

Is it acceptable to say just Go away, or F off?
Or is it just politeness and I need to get over myself.

Any other tips welcome.

@sinkorsplash

I do have anxiety so that's probably it.

thanks for the perspective check.

I'd speak to your GP if you haven't already. They will have heard it all before x

Anxiety is one thing (please get some help in RL, please, noone wants you to be this unhappy and on edge) but this reaction is really awful and quite nasty- considering telling people to F off? This is really, really not good.

@shouldistop

And now the name calling begins towards a new mother who has stated she has anxiety.

Mumsnet at its finest

It's awful.

I think people love babies. I think a lot of people also think a baby is a good ice breaker and many strangers might just be lonely and looking for a reason to chat.

I'm not too keen on strangers getting hands on with my baby but I'm happy to chat with them especially if they are a bit elderly.

OP you may be suffering from post-natal anxiety. It does need diagnosis & treatment so please don’t just let this slide if you are in a near constant state of anxiety. Some women do suffer badly with it. I did with my first son & it can manifest in different ways - for you it might be heightened social anxiety which prompts you to want to react negatively to innocent interactions.

See your GP and/or health visitor and talk to them about it. It’s not that unusual to suffer from some form of post-natal anxiety, your hormones are all over the place & you’re recovering from birth.

It does pass eventually but you may just need a bit of help right now

I can understand not wanting strangers to touch your baby, especially with COVID. Perhaps put the rain cover over the baby when in pram now it's winter /raining which will also prevent others from touching her. Or if inside, a little breathable blanket over the hood of the pram to stop spying eyes!
In terms of the conversations, people just love newborns. Just go along with it!

Hi all

We don't think this belongs in AIBU -- we're moving it over to mental health shortly.

Can we remind everyone to post within TG?

@santabetterwashhishands

You have issues 🤷‍♀️ I can understand you not wanting people close due to covid but giving her a false name and age is utterly bonkers 😳

Haha I was just going to suggest that if op feels uncomfortable then maybe she can just give a false name.

On the other hand if op feels that uncomfortable about it I do think she's got a right to ask people to please refrain from touching the baby or to say l: "I'd rather not say what his name is actually."

Humans evolved living in tribes. Children would have been cared for by everyone, not just the parents. We still have some of that instinct, which is what drives this.

@helloyoutoo8

I can understand not wanting strangers to touch your baby, especially with COVID. Perhaps put the rain cover over the baby when in pram now it's winter /raining which will also prevent others from touching her. Or if inside, a little breathable blanket over the hood of the pram to stop spying eyes! In terms of the conversations, people just love newborns. Just go along with it!

Good idea. I had baby in first lockdown and use d the rain cover all the time.

People just like interacting with babies, OP. It’s just one of those social norms. Don’t overthink it, if you can help it.

Personally, I’m not a baby person so never think to engage with random babies, and people get miffed about that too.

OP, I cannot stress enough the importance of these interactions for your child's social development. I say this as a parent of two children, one of whom spent their toddler years either locked down or socially distanced.

*I do have anxiety so that's probably it.

thanks for the perspective check.*

Bless you! Nothing like a new baby to really ramp up the anxiety. I remember walking my first in the pram when she was a few days old, & thinking how big and loud and germy the world seemed all of a sudden!

People are genuinely just being kind OP, people love babies. That’s nice I know it’s hard but try to relax.

I have a 4yo & 18mo who was born in the first lockdown. With my second DD I missed strangers seeing her/cooing over her and getting to “show her off!”

People are just being nice. The bastards!

Perfectly normal and happened a lot when my two DC were babies. I used to love it.

@Babyg1995

Why the hell would you give her a fake name and age

I think OP is scared that someone is trying to stead the baby's identity. All that personal data...

People are just being nice ... there's literally nothing more to it.

I can't believe you went 'ape' at someone either. God knows what they must have thought.

I never liked strangers touching my baby and that was pre covid. I used to pretend he was getting over a cold so to keep their distance so they didn't get it. Or that he was prem and had a reduced immune system so we had to be careful (true but didn't feel i could use this forever!) Never used a fake name or felt the need to. But they always misheard so didn't matter!

OP I had post natal anxiety and the best thing I done was speak to my health visitor who got me an appt within the hour at my GP. It turns out anxiety is something I'd had for about 20 years before, I wasn't just "a worrier" but becoming a mum ramped the anxiety up to uncontrollable levels.

From a place of concern I really do advise you to see with your health visitor or GP about some support. Becoming a mum is difficult enough to grasp nevermind in the middle of a pandemic

I can understand that you don't want people touching your baby's face (though I also agree your reaction is completely inappropriate) but I think this really varies across generations and cultures.

Your protective instincts are in overdrive. But you should never let people do anything with your child you're not happy about. Find a way to disengage with charm, and try not to be too rattled as it is kindly meant.

You need to seek professional help OP.

Op I have very severe post natal anxiety for the second time. It sounds like there is more going on here for you. The touching is totally understandable, the changing name etc is not. If you want to pm me please do.