Random strangers asking my baby's name / chatting to them way too close

[sinkorsplash]

It's become a regular occurance, but when I'm out with my DD (4 months) and she's out of her pram, random people come over, and want to chat / hold her hand / ask me her name, how old she is. Occasionally there's the OTT question of 'how was your birth / where was she born etc which I just ignore, but the other ones unnerve me and I don't know if I'm reasonable to want to keep her name / age private with strangers?

A couple of months ago a stranger STROKED HER CHEEK and I went ape at her - she was crying and the stranger was trying to 'help' as I paid for petrol, and that put me on edge.

But it's become relentless - twice this week, three times last week and the week before when out in cafe's, the park, swimming, etc.

What it is about babies that make people think it's ok to talk to you, share personal stories and personal information. I just want to swear at them or run away!

I've started giving her a fake name to randoms, and changing her age, but it's making me want to not go out at all or into cafe's or shops or anything.

Is it acceptable to say just Go away, or F off?
Or is it just politeness and I need to get over myself.

Any other tips welcome.

Sometimes mumsnet is totally bonkers.

I can't believe the responses saying that YABU and need help with anxiety when you say you don't like random strangers touching your baby. WTF is wrong with people?! In normal times, I think it is highly rude to just touch a baby's hand / face because (a) germs and (b) it is rude to just touch someone! I can't understand how some adults think it is ok to touch a baby's face - would they do that to an adult? No they bloody would not! Therefore why is it ok to do it to a baby?

Especially now considering there is a global pandemic. Strangers should not be touching your baby.

And some people don't like small talk. That's ok. Generally people are just making nice small talk when they see a baby or small child, I think that is ok. But the touching is a big NO from me.

I think you need to chat to your doctor, your reactions seem extreme. I have a 5 month old with a winning smile and more hair than is decent, she gets lots of attention when we are out and about. I find it is mainly the older generation who want to ask me her name and how old she is, it takes a few minutes of my time and I am guessing that most people will quickly forget the few nuggets of information I share about her. It costs little to idle away a minute or two with some chitchat and I am sure her smile brightens a person's day.

People are just being friendly. It's nice to be friendly. I've always liked chatting about my babies, it's cheering. It might be the only chat they have that day, some days it might be the only adult conversation I have.

Yeah this makes me very sad for you, I hope you are ok. You really don't sound it.

People asking your baby’s name are just being polite. They don’t really care what the name is. They are just engaging with you and doing the standard “new baby chat”.

What do you think they are going to do with the real name info ? They will have forgotten about you in 2 seconds flat when they leave the shop.

And what, pray tell, are these randomers going to do with your child's real name? Besides forget it immediately after you've moved on?

@8dpwoah

One of my recent pleasures in life is chatting to (generally older ladies) people in the supermarket when I've got my three week old with me. I think people get genuine pleasure from having a peep and a chat to a tiny person. Mind you I quite happily talk to people if they initiate it anyway so maybe my starting point is different.

I just think of my nan who, if it's a rare day where there's no family visitor or the window cleaner or whatever, that little chat in the shop to a friendly face might be the only human contact she gets. If she wants to ask how old a baby is I don't see any harm in that, she's hardly going to steal her identity and take out a credit card in her name, is she.

This sums it up perfectly!

Seeing your baby maybe the highlight of their day, bask in the reflected glory if your beautiful baby

I never did/do chitchat but wandering round a supermarket with an under one was an enlightening experience. Maybe people are unreasonable to touch her during a Pandemic but keep wipes to hand if it makes you feel better, then you can discreetly clean her when they've gone. I don't se any harm in saying her name but if you don't want to, making one up is fine.

Touching other people’s children is not on, especially at the moment. Entirely reasonable to just say “actually we’d rather she wasn’t touched by strangers” if someone starts stroking her.

But asking a baby’s name or age is hardly asking for their complete medical history and a DNA sample - it’s completely normal information. Names aren’t exactly private. They’re making polite conversation like ordinary members of society, much the same way people might pass time in a bus queue talking about the weather, they aren’t about to kidnap your child.

In all seriousness though, I gave birth during the proper first lockdown. I had no check ups, the HVs were furloughed, GPs were online only and hard to get hold of then, nothing was open except supermarkets, my family were isolating due to cancer... so when things began to open I’d wander about with my baby in the pram and when people spoke to me and him I was absolutely overjoyed. I wanted people to see him and think he was lovely. I used to go to the supermarket just because I was so isolated and there was nowhere to go, let alone any groups, and the older shoppers were wonderful and I truly think we cheered each other up.

@coconutpie I agree the touching is out of order but OP's reaction to general chat seems quite extreme.

I would - in current times- just say ‘please could you not touch her, with covid and everything’ I think that’s reasonable. But people making small talk is what they do with babies. When I had two under 18 months I couldn’t leave my house without someone asking if they were twins. And then when it was 4 under 3…lots of comments about If I had a telly

Op, I'm not being arsey this is a genuine question, what do you think these random strangers are going to do with your baby's name and age that worries you so much?

@Mamette

People asking your baby’s name are just being polite. They don’t really care what the name is. They are just engaging with you and doing the standard “new baby chat”.

What do you think they are going to do with the real name info ? They will have forgotten about you in 2 seconds flat when they leave the shop.

Cross post 😆

I often offer to hold other people's babies in coffee shops/on trains/etc so the parent can drink a hot coffee or go to the toilet or whatever. You'd probably hate me
You do sound unusually anxious, it would be a good idea to speak to someone professional about it and get some support.

Are you always so anxious about normal human interaction?

I was so proud of my beautiful DC that I used to hope people would come over and chat and look at my marvellous babies. It’s been going on for as long as time.

Apart from anything, it was sometimes the only adult conversation I got for hours at a time.

I think you need to relax a bit, OP. People want to wish you both well, let them.

I had a lovely chat with the lady behind me in the queue at a (very slow) Costa this morning. I cooed at her baby, the baby smiled, we chatted about how it's rough getting no sleep with a baby but to hold on for the teenage years when you can't get them out of bed. I waved at the baby and smiled at the mum as I paid.

All SO normal. I would get so many comments in the supermarket with my youngest as he had bright red hair and old ladies mostly would stop to talk to him/me.

It would never have crossed my mind for a second to run away or tell them to fuck off. How very, very odd.

I do have anxiety so that's probably it.

thanks for the perspective check.

You sound a little highly strung and your reaction is completely over the top. Is it worth discussing your anxiety with your gp.

@imnotacelebritygetmeoutofhere

I often offer to hold other people's babies in coffee shops/on trains/etc so the parent can drink a hot coffee or go to the toilet or whatever. You'd probably hate me You do sound unusually anxious, it would be a good idea to speak to someone professional about it and get some support.

My eldest DS at about five months was crying a lot as I queued in Sainsburys to pay for my shopping. A lovely lady behind me held him for me while I loaded, paid and packed!

She was a godsend! I'm sure people think you are as well!

Congratulations on your baby, you are very lucky.

You might want to get help

@saraclara

Human beings are primed to see the next generation as valuable and something to be celebrated.

I'm pretty introverted generally, but when I had my babies, I was blown away by how lovely strangers could be, and how sweet their interactions with me and my babies were.

Every time someone cooed at them, showed interest in them, and congratulated me on them, I felt better about the world and the human race, and felt warmed by the interaction. And a little bit less introverted.

I honestly can't understand your response to people simply being lovely and admiring your baby.

This. I have loved the kind words from strangers since having a baby